


Nothing beyond repair

by CuckooTrooke



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Sauli Koskinen RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Denial of Feelings, Doctors & Physicians, Eventual Romance, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Lust, M/M, Medical, Medical Procedures, Oral Sex, Smut, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-09-20 23:06:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 51,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9520013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuckooTrooke/pseuds/CuckooTrooke
Summary: Sauli is a third year med student who starts his first rotation (M.D. clerkship) in the Emergency Room in a teaching hospital.The E.R. clerkship is tougher than he thought and his main supervisor; Occasionally bitchy yet insanely hot pediatrician Dr Lambert, is not making it any easier. Dr. Lambert has his own habits with men and they don't include dating, leaving Sauli broken-hearted when he develops a crush on the man.





	1. Dr. Lambert

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope you'll enjoy this new fic of mine :)  
> I got inspired by an old TV drama called ER and decided to give in to my muse. 
> 
> *This fic is beta-ed by who else but the incredible xGlamDreamerx❤
> 
> * **I am no way a professional health worker, not even a med student, so please don't haunt my ass down for possible (and likely) mistakes.** I do research online but it doesn't make me a doctor, haha.

4:30 p.m.

Sauli yawned, snoozing on the chair in the locker room. He had slept 3 hours a day ago and his shift somehow still just went on. ER was definitely one of the hardest, most tiring facilities in medicine. This med school... Fuck that. He had been here only one day and he already wanted to give up.

He jerked when he heard a locker door being slammed shut and automatically declared, "I'm not sleeping!"

"I didn't say you were, I'm just changing here." Terrance, a surgical resident and one of the few people Sauli has gotten to know during the hectic day, said, "How long until your shift is over? It's 7 am."

"I don't even know. Janine told me that my mentor is still on a sick leave."

Terrance slowly turned around from his locker and gave Sauli a questioning look, "Who is your mentor?"

Sauli rubbed his eyes, trying to remember the name but his mind was too sluggish. He has seen quite a few patients today but didn't get to learn anything practical because it was all so hurried and no one had time for him.

"Admin or something like that."

"Adam?"

"Yes, him! Lambert, right?"

Terrance nodded, slowly, eyes a little wide and voice suspicious, "Adam is your mentor?"

Sauli was suddenly very awake, not liking that tone of Terrance's voice.

"What? Is he an ass or something?"

"No, no, no." Terrance rushed out immediately, "Adam is just... Very strict. But don't worry, he's very nice. He will make you work hard, though. In his free time he's much more loose. He's actually my best friend."

"Oh." Escaped Sauli's mouth. It was a surprised, terrified and excited sound all at the same time. Sauli wanted to become really good but he couldn't stand someone breathing down his neck 24/7.

"Adam will return for the night shift today around 9. I suggest you go home and get some sleep before that. I'm sure Mr. Small won't mind." Terrance said and pulled on his white jacket, ignoring the snort of Sauli's laughter, "ER is tough. But being awake for 36 hours straight won't do you any good. We, as well as you as a med student, are allowed to rest. Residents, interns and students have it hardest."

"Yeah, I know. He actually told me to go home and come back when Dr. Lambert returns."

Terrance hummed in laughter again. It made Sauli feel like there was something creepy about Adam and no one was telling him what.

"What is it?" He squealed, stomping his foot childishly.

"You'll figure it out." Terrance smiled, walking past Sauli and tapping his shoulder, "You will. Now go get some sleep and come back in the evening. Maybe this time you'll get to do something as well."

"Okay." Sauli said, closing his eyes and let his head fall back down. Just a short rest before he took the train.

"Dr. Spencer?"

"Terrance." He smiled.

"Is he really Mr. Small?"

Terrance laughed, "Yes. I can imagine how many jokes he must have heard when he was younger." He said, "Thank God he's a nice chief resident, otherwise he'd be in trouble. Although he's here only temporarily until Dr. Miller comes back."

Sauli nodded, missing half of the words Terrance said.

*

6:52 p.m.

"Mr. Koskinen? Are you still on shift?"

Sauli woke up to someone nudging him, and a female voice talking. Sauli blinked, seeing one of the nurses, it was Scarlett or something, standing beside the chair he was sleeping on.

"I think I fell asleep." Sauli mumbled.

"It's only two hours until Adam comes to work. You're gonna break your neck like that, you should sleep on a bed."

"Not available." Sauli pointed out with a lazy chuckle.

"Yes, there is. I'll show you, c'mon." Scarlett smiled, pulling him up from the arm chair. Sauli yawned, following her wherever she went. He was too tired to even know.

She took him into one of the empty, dark examination rooms and sat him on the bed.

"You're kidding, right?" Sauli asked.

"No. This is where all the doctors nap. I would, too, if nurses were allowed to sleep during long shifts." Scarlett informed and tapped Sauli's knee as he laid down, "I'll wake you up before Adam comes."

*

8:45 p.m.

Sauli blinked awake when he heard sounds, muffled groans and heavy breathing that couldn't be mistaken.

"Your shift starts soon," Said a male voice, "And my boyfriend is waiting for me."

"I know. But I have 15 minutes." Said another male voice. Sauli's eyes widened, and he froze. He needed to slither out unnoticed or inform them of his presence, somehow.

He couldn't imagine himself doing the second one.

Sauli quietly slid down from the bed, thanking Jesus that the room was dark and the blinds were shut. He stayed down as he moved, trying not to make any sound as he crawled towards the other door.

Hospital TV dramas... All happening right there in the room.

Sauli managed to sneak out of the room, but as he opened the door, the light peeked into the room. He cringed, glancing behind him, but neither of them seemed to notice.

And of course, he couldn't help but notice the scene, now lit by the light breaking inside. One man, tall and silver-haired, in regular clothes, pressed against the wall, face contorted in obvious bliss in response to what the other guy, in nurse's clothes, was doing to him.

Sauli swallowed thickly, unable to tear his eyes away from the pleasure-soaked face.

He got a weird look from Caroline when she noticed him almost crawling out of the door and closing it behind him.

She showed him around when he arrived last night.

"You look flustered," She declared, "Were you screwing someone there?"

"No!" Sauli exclaimed, "Someone else was. I mean is. Uhm- Someone else is doing things. In there. With someone." he babbled, rubbing the back of his head nervously.

Caroline looked at him with an arched eyebrow and a bemused smile.

"That happens from time to time." She said, "I heard you're starting your other shift soon. I think it's time to meet your mentor; he should be here soon."

"Yeah. Sure."

"And get up off the floor." She chuckled, pulling Sauli up by the arm, "Let's go and wait at the reception desk."

Sauli nodded, following her through the hall to the front desk. He didn't remember half of the names of the people who worked in the ER but he'll learn. There was Terrance, Scarlett, a brown-skinned nurse, a few guys, interns and residents.

"Have you guys seen Adam?" Caroline asked.

"Not yet. Usually he comes at least 10 minutes early." Said Holly, "I'm sure he'll be here soon."

"I have his student here. He should start learning something soon." Caroline pointed out and glanced at Sauli, "Intubation, IV, stitches... Stuff like that. Maybe you get to save lives today."

Sauli chuckled, shrugging.

"There's an ambulance on the way. A 52 year old male, probably a heart-attack, wife found him unconscious at home beneath the stairs. There was blood involved." Said the clerk.

"I'm gonna take that one. He might have fallen badly due to a possible heart attack. Scarlett, Holly, come with me. Prepare the Trauma two." Said one of the residents, and he didn't need to ask twice, people were already running to do as they were told.

"I'll stay here with you until Adam arrives." Caroline smiled, "You'll get used to this. But the most important thing is that if you don't know something, ask. And if things get very hectic, say, a big car crash, follow Adam wherever he goes. Don't let him give you too much shit."

Sauli nodded. He was actually nervous about this Adam. They make him sound like a nagging boss who won't give Sauli a break or would rather toss him out the window than teach him.

Maybe he is really old, grumpy and ugly too.

"You're 3 minutes late!" Caroline said suddenly.

"Huh?" Sauli frowned, until he noticed she was talking to someone else. Sauli turned around and oh. _Oh_. A man with a very familiar face was standing on the other side of the desk.

"Three minutes here and there." Adam said, rolling his eyes.

Caroline chuckled,

"That's the worst possible attitude to have in ER." She said to Sauli who was too shocked to actually agree, "Mr. Koskinen this is Dr. Lambert, your supervisor. Adam, this is Sauli, your med student."

The man in the room,  pressed back against the wall, being sucked off... Was his fucking mentor.

He was tall, alright, his hair was spiked up and silver-blonde and his facial hair was dark but the combination worked for him.

Sauli cleared his throat, "Uhm, good evening, doctor."

"Good evening, Mr. Koskinen. Sorry to keep you waiting." Adam said, reaching out to shake Sauli's hand, "I'll be your supervisor. I'm sure we can get along just great if you stay out of my way when I say so and don't get on my nerves by always bothering me."

Caroline stomped his toes, not too hard but hard enough to remind him that he needed to be nice to the med students.

"That is exactly what he needs to do." She pointed out, "Don't listen to him, when you're unsure, _ask_. But if he refuses to help and you screw up, it's basically his fault, so..."

Sauli gave her a nervous smile. Adam had this aura around him, like he attracted people to him with some magical powers. He looked too good to be a doctor, damn it.

"Dr. Lambert, there's a patient for you. A boy, 6 years old, cut his hand with a knife. Curtain 3." The clark interrupted, handing Adam the file.

"Okay, let's check it out. You come with me Dani? You too, Sauli." Adam said, eyeing the file. Caroline tapped Sauli's shoulder encouragingly as he strutted after Adam to Curtain 3.

"Hey there, buddy, I'm Dr. Lambert but you can call me Adam if you want to." Adam smiled, pulling out a chair and sitting before the bed where the boy was sitting, "What's your name?" he asked, putting on a pair of gloves.

"Cody." The boy replied.

"Well, Cody, what do we have here, huh?"

"I was only trying to help mom." He said, a dull expression on his face like he was disappointed with himself. Sauli arched his eyebrow in surprise. Adam's tone just went extra soft and he had this child-like tenderness on his face, like he just understood the boy.

"With what?" Adam asked gently, taking Cody's hand and examining the cut and the depth of it.

"Cooking."

"Cooking, huh. That's great, gotta help mom when you can. Accidents happen to everyone." Adam reassured, pulling his gloves off and tossing them in the trash can, "You're gonna need a few stitches here."

"I'm a little afraid of needles." Cody gasped, glancing at his mother.

"But just a little afraid? Not much?" Adam asked, smiling "You don't have to worry, we will numb and clean the area and you won't feel a thing."

"Okay." Cody simply said. Adam gently tapped his knee and turned towards Sauli who was watching the scene. Sauli gulped at the sight of Adam looking at him so intensely.

"Have you ever done stitches?"

Sauli shook his head. Okay, maybe Adam won't let his first patient be a kid or the poor boy will be terrified of doctors for the rest of his life.  At least Sauli hoped he wouldn't. He didn't want to hurt the kid.

"Watch me, then." Adam sighed, having to put on another pair of gloves, "Will you give me the supplies?"

Sauli glanced at Danielle, the nurse Adam took with them, giving her a helpless expression. Danielle chuckled, placing all the necessary supplies on the movable table, and pushing it to Adam.

"Are the stitches necessary?" The boy's mom asked, eyeing the cut and her son.

"Yes, I wouldn't take any risks with this. It could get badly infected." Adam informed and pulled the table closer to him once Danielle pushed it closer to him, "Mr. Koskinen, pay attention, you will be doing the next one."

Sauli uncrossed his arms and stood a bit closer behind Adam where he could see what he was doing and what he was using.

"So, Cody, what were you and your mom cooking when this accident happened?" Adam asked the boy.

"Salad for dinner. I was cutting vegetables."

"I told him to use the smaller knife." The mom said.

"It's okay, it happens." Adam defended the boy, "Can't learn if you don't try. I also cut my finger before."

"Were you also six?"

Adam chuckled, "No, more like twenty-six. So this happens to adults, too."

Adam has always known that when working with kids in medicine, it wasn't just about the diagnosis. Nurses usually take care of the emotional side with other patients, but with kids, whether you're a doctor or a surgeon, you have to go down to their level to make them feel easy.

Pediatric medicine is a tricky field.

"Does it seem difficult?" Adam asked Sauli when he was doing the last pair of stitches.

"I think I could handle that." Sauli said.

"Wrong answer. You _can_ handle it. Gotta believe in yourself." Adam said, not even glancing in Sauli's direction. Sauli sighed, nodding, even though Adam couldn't see it.

"That's it, then! Good as new." Adam said, smiling, "You were a very brave man, Cody."

"Thank you Mr. Adam." The boy said, sliding down from the bed. Adam chuckled, so did Sauli, liking how the boy decided to go for Mr. Adam. Not Adam or Dr. Lambert, but Mr. Adam.

"You're welcome." Adam said, "Now it might be a little sore for a few days, so avoid doing too much with your hands. And be careful with knives, alright?"

Cody nodded, taking his mother's hand with his good one.

"Thank you, doctor." The mother smiled, "I think we're gonna order in some pizza. It's so late already."

Sauli's stomach grumbled just at the thought. He hasn't eaten anything since the afternoon and he was starving.

The mother left with the boy and Sauli followed Adam around like a lost puppy. This was going to be fun.

~*~ 

Sauli was all but snoozing again. Janine was nice enough to get him something to eat, but he was still very tired and he still had two more hours to go.

All the patients that came in today were regular. More stitching, a cold examination and damn hemorrhoids. And all of which were with Dr. Spencer, because apparently, Adam was 'too busy' and they needed him in traumas all night long.

This was so far away from what he had hoped for; he had been looking forward to saving lives, like doing intubation or performing defibrillation on life-threatening dysrhythmia.

He jerked awake when he heard the yelling, "Help! My wife is having a baby!"

"Trauma one is free!"

And then everybody was running again, and Sauli had to take a moment to remember where he was and what he was doing.

"Come on, Sauli, you're gonna see a birth up close." Caroline said, running past him and dragging him along. Once in the room, Sauli washed his hands and put on a pair of gloves and a protection gown.

"What's her name?" Adam asked the husband because the woman was having contractions and wasn't able to talk.

"Jennifer." The guy informed in panic.

"Has she been having high blood pressure? Bad headaches?" Adam asked.

"No, no, no. She's fine. She just went into labor. I thought I wouldn't make it here."

"Uh... The head is right there. Crowning." Sauli informed. He was still standing at the door, and he had a perfect and not-so-pretty view between her legs.

"Oh, shit." Adam hissed, moving between the legs, "We have no time to move her. Somebody call Alisan here just in case!"

Sauli took unsure steps towards the scene and stopped behind Adam.

"Is my baby going to be alright?" Jennifer asked between her pants.

"We're doing everything we can, I'm sure she'll be fine." Holly reassured, staying at the head of the bed to soothe the mother and wipe her face.

"But the due time is in 5 weeks."

"She'll be fine." Adam reassured, "I need you to push during the next contraction."

Sauli took a step back and crossed his arms, not sure what he was supposed to do and where he was supposed to be.

He stared at the scene, and all he could see was Adam helping a small human into the world.

"They don't usually give births in ER but this one was, like, halfway out already." Janine said, suddenly standing next to him, "Pre-eclampsias happen from time to time, though."

"It must be amazing to help a baby to the world." Sauli said.

"I'm sure you will experience that someday, too." Janine smiled, "Now you can just watch, next time you might get to do something."

Adam carefully pulled the baby out, but immediately, Sauli noticed that something wasn't right. His fears were confirmed when Adam rushed the baby to the table next to him.

"What is it? Why is she so blue?" Jennifer asked, sitting up, "Why isn't she crying?!"

"There is no pulse. Mr. Koskinen, have you given CPR to an infant?" Adam asked. Sauli nodded instantly, preparing himself for it. He never wished to see a small, helpless baby in this situation. Not breathing, no pulse.

"Good. Just keep pressing on that. Two fingers." Adam confirmed, "Caroline, we need oxygen."

"Coming right up!"

"Keep going, keep going." Adam urged, checking the baby's pulse again, "Still no pulse. Where the hell is Alisan?"

Sauli was growning panicked himself. He didn't want the baby to die in his hands, and on his first day of all times. He wasn't focused on anything else around him, just the tiny human being in his hands and the urgency to get her to breathe.

"I got a pulse. It's weak, but it's there." Adam informed, leaning down, "She's breathing, you can stop."

Sauli did as he was told, pulling his arms out of the way and releasing a sigh of relief when the baby's arms and legs moved.

"Is she okay?" Jennifer asked, out of breath and hicupping between her cries, "Tell me! is my baby okay?!"

"She's fine, Jennifer." Adam reassured, just before baby broke into cries, "There we go." He smiled, "Wrap her up and give her to her mom. Alisan will come to check on them soon and she will take matters from then on."

Adam puffed out a long breath and tossed his gloves in the trash can, and Sauli couldn't help but stare at him; he looked so chill and self-assured, despite the circumstances.

"Doctor?" Jennifer called out, and Adam turned around to face her, "Thank you."

Adam smiled, "Just doing my job." He said, walking out of the room and Sauli followed him, almost having to run to catch up with him.

"What?" Adam asked, glancing at Sauli.

"That was amazing." Sauli said in awe.

Adam chuckled, light and airy, "You think _that_ was amazing?" He asked, making his way to the locker room for some late night slash early morning coffee run, and Sauli followed him.

"That was routine, it's not that unusual for a baby. I've had worse cases. Babies, toddlers, kids, adults, elder people, everyone." Adam explained, getting his mug out of the cabinet and pouring himself some coffee, "You'll get used to saving people's lives, but it's always amazing to save someone you thought you couldn't save." he said as he sat down on the couch.

Sauli looked a little unsure, so Adam smiled a little and patted the mattress. Sauli sat down next to him, close enough for their knees to touch, and Sauli felt a tingling kind of nervousness rise up inside him.

"You're awfully nice to me." Sauli said.

"He gets that way every time you compliment him. He will forget it by tomorrow, though." Said a male nurse at his own locker, "Sometimes he eats students for lunch. Compliment his hair tomorrow and you'll be fine."

Adam huffed, shaking his head.

"I'm not that bad, come on!" He said in a louder voice with a smile on his face, and though he was focused on the other man, he still caught Sauli's yawn.

"Whatever you say." Said the nurse, leaving the locker room with a wicked grin.

"I'm sorry for your double shift. I thought you knew I'd be on a night shift after my sick leave. I heard you were here all day."

_Yeah, and I saw you getting head while I was here and I'm having a hard time shaking it out of my head_

"It's fine. It's just something I should get used to, right?" Sauli asked, stretching his legs and propping them on the table.

"Kinda. But you can actually go home, get some sleep. You've done enough for today. Tomorrow I need to teach you how to intubate and do IV and you gotta be focused." Adam told him, and Sauli couldn't actually believe his ears, "And whatever tomorrow has to bring "

"No, I'm fine." Sauli insisted.

" _Go_." Adam pressured, and how could Sauli say no to _that_ , "Be here at 12. Welcome to ER." he winked.

~*~ 

It felt like two hours when Sauli woke up to his alarm again. He groaned, shutting it off, his body protesting having to wake up already.

Which brought him to the current issue of facing a mad Dr. Lambert because he was late for work.

"Don't do this ever again, you understand?" Adam finished his rant, pointing a blaming finger at Sauli, "Come with me now. I have to put you with Dr. Miller or someone while I'm gonna get sutured up by Terrance."

"Sutured up?" Sauli asked, all but running after Adam once again when he walked down the halls with those long legs of his, "By the way, I like your hair today!"

Trying never hurt.

"Don't even think about it. There was a little accident this morning before you arrived. An ADHD kid clawed my arm off today and somehow I knocked a glass of water on the floor and then I had to pick the shattered glass with bare hands. What a professional health worker I am." Adam explained, stopping at the desk, "Marie, have you seen Dr. Spencer or Dr. Miller?"

"Dr. Spencer is assisting in a surgery and Dr. Miller is in Curtain two. He has a patient." Marie informed, "You still haven't gotten your arm fixed?"

"That's what I'm trying to do." Adam chuckled, looking around to see if there was an available intern or other resident to help him out.

"Why don't you let Mr. Koskinen help you?" Caroline suggested as she briefly passed by.

Adam glanced at Sauli, his eyes so blue and intense, and Sauli suddenly felt really nervous, like he was being watched by a predator and not a human being.

"Right. Okay. Which room is free, Marie?"

"Exam one." She smiled, picking up the phone.

Adam tugged Sauli along with him and made his way to Exam one.

"I'll talk you through it, but try to get started yourself. What do you need and what do you do?" Adam asked and pulled out a chair, sitting at the table and placing his arm on it.

Sauli took a deep breath, turning towards the supply closet.

"Before getting any needles, I think you should take a look at the cut first."

Sauli flushed pink and cleared his throat, turning around and walking to the table to examine the cut. He took Adam's hand into his and eyed the wound.

"If I was just a normal patient, what would you do now?"

"Uhm... I'd ask if you can move your fingers?" Sauli suggested, sounding probably too unsure for Adam's liking.

"So?"

"Can you move your fingers?" He asked, watching as Adam wiggled all of his fingers and was able to make a fist, "You can."

"And what does that tell you?" Adam asked, staring at Sauli's slightly trembling hands, "Don't be nervous."

 _Easier said than done._ He was just about to sew his damn mentor, who still looked way too good to be a doctor.

"It means your tendons are still intact, no nerve injuries. But this cut is too deep to be left unstitched, so I need to suture it. I'm gonna use a curved needle for skin closure." Sauli explained, trying to sound more confident.

"Good. Terrance taught you well yesterday. Why did you choose the curved needle? A straight one could do the work, too." Adam said.

Sauli flashed a smile and went for the counter to pick up the needle, "The curved one is easier for me to use at this point." Sauli told him and put the supplies on the movable table, pushing it closer to Adam and sitting opposite from him.

Adam looked at him for a while, like he was expecting him to do or say something. Sauli put his gloves on and pulled the needle out of the package.

"You might wanna numb me a bit first." Adam then said.

"You sure? Maybe it's my payback time." Sauli teased, and pulled out a small bottle of lidocaine, "Are you allergic to any drugs?"

Adam shook his head, still smirking over Sauli's remark at him.

"So I'll use lidocaine." Sauli informed, pouring it on a piece of gauze, then running it over the cut, gently tapping the skin around it.

"And make it pretty." Adam reminded.

"I'll try."

Adam arched an eyebrow, and even though Sauli couldn't see it, he could just imagine Adam's facial expression, "I _will_."

"Dr. Lambert," Marie called, peeking inside the room, "Someone came to see you."

"I'm a little occupied here. Isn't someone else free?"

"He insisted on seeing you, said he always sees you." Marie said and made a face, "Someone named Ian, said he just wanted to talk to you."

"Oh. Tell him I'll be right there."  Adam told her, his voice carrying a different tone. It was Sauli's turn to arch an eyebrow. Not that it was his business what Adam did, but it was just very unprofessional.

Sauli was quiet, trying his best to impress Adam with his stitching skills. And he wanted them to be neat and pretty.

"You alright?" Adam asked suddenly.

"Fine." Sauli said, "Just a bit tired. And trying to focus on this."

"Right."

Sauli was done in a few minutes, and tossed his gloves in the trash, getting up.

"Be prepared for some swelling in the next few days. Keep it dry for two days, use a plastic cover in a shower. And you should put some balm on these." Sauli said, pointing at the scrapes on Adam's arm, "You're welcome."

Adam got up, rolling his sleeve back down.

"Thank you. Nice suturing. Good job, doctor." Adam winked, leaving the room. Sauli smiled proudly, quickly cleaning up the table in case someone else needed the room.

Sauli walked out of the room, seeing Adam at the desk with the guy Marie mentioned. He casually walked over to see if Marie had something for him to check on his own.

Adam led his patient down the hall and Sauli couldn't tear his eyes away until they disappeared.

"Dr. Koskinen, you want to examine a chest pain patient?" Marie asked, handing him the file, "Call someone if you need help. He's in Curtain 3."

Sauli nodded, taking the file from Marie and sucking in a deep breath. He was seriously about to examine the first patient on his own. And chest pains were serious business, so he had to be careful.

He was reading the file as he walked. 60-year-old, chest pain, doesn't radiate, started this morning...

"I told you not to come here, I don't wanna have a bad reputation as a doctor."

Sauli stopped dead in tracks, recognizing Adam's voice behind the corner.

"Oh, come on. I just needed to see you."

Sauli stood with his back against the wall, not wanting to interrupt, but needing to get to the room down the hall. He was a bad doctor and a bad student. And a bad person.

"We agreed, no strings attached." Adam hissed, "It was just a fuck."

"A _great_ fuck."

Sauli made a face. Adam was quite something, and apparently, every hospital needed their casanova. And this casanova seemed to play only one side of the field. Too bad for the ladies.

 _Fuck_ , the chest pain patient! Sauli mentally slapped himself, then with a deep breath, he casually walked around the corner. Both men flinched a little, and the guy's hand disappeared in a flash from where it was coping a feel of Adam's crotch a second ago.

Adam had been groped way too much for his liking during the first two days.

Adam rubbed the back of his neck, clearing his throat, "Come again in two days if the ache continues." Adam said. The man looked a little disappointed, but he walked away.

Sauli stared at Adam, eyes wide.

"So... Let's check on that chest pain patient. I'll assist you." Adam said, puffing out what seemed to be a nervous breath.

"Yeah. Sure." Sauli managed to say. This year might be very interesting.


	2. Not soundproof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sauli struggles in the trauma and with his rent. Help is offered from surprising source.

Sauli was chilling at the reception desk, and it was the first time today that he's seen Adam. He wasn't wearing his white coat since he was mostly treating child patients. Kids could get intimidated by the coats. Maybe it was the flu season because the waiting area was full of kids.

But he still looked so good. Except for the spot low on his neck which looked a lot like a love bite.

"Morning, Dr. Lambert." Sauli greeted and watched as Adam pursed his lips and wrinkled his nose.

"It's Adam." He corrected, grabbing a folder from the desk, "Doctor makes me sound old."

"I love being called that." Sauli said. He was still just a student, but a few nurses and some doctors call him Dr. Koskinen, and it makes him feel so _cool_.

"Trust me, it gets old after a few years." Adam said and flashed Sauli a smile before putting the folder back on the desk.

"Stop lying to his face like that, Dr. Lambert." Came a female voice, and a small woman appeared next to Adam, "He likes being called doctor. Don't call him that too often, though, he might get a little cocky." the woman said to Sauli and tweaked Adam's side playfully, making him jump.

Sauli nodded, a little amused.

"I'm Alisan, by the way. You can call me Dr. Porter or Alisan." She said and reached out her hand, which Sauli took and shook.

"I'm a substitute for Dr. Reggie in here for the week. Normally, I'm in the upper floors, specializing to obstetrics and gynecology." She said and Sauli arched an eyebrow in surprise.

"You've already completed the basic medical training?" He asked, and Alisan nodded with a giggle, "Wow. I mean... You just look so young."

"I hear that a lot." She said thoughtfully, "But I'm older than this babe, would you guess?" she cooed and wrapped her arms around Adam's waist. Sauli was even more surprised now, not that Adam looked old or anything, he just didn't expect Alisan to be older.

Alisan pulled away and poked Adam's belly, and Sauli watched mesmerized as the muscles twitched, "Don't let him intimidate you. He's actually quite a teddy bear." She said and Adam rolled his eyes. Sauli felt like he should be more scared of Adam than he actually was. All these people made him sound like he was a complete asshole to his students.

"Well, you don't have to make me look like a sugar puff, either." Adam said, "I've-"

"There has been a car crash. They're bringing in two injured young adults. One severe." Marie informed from the desk, putting the phone down, "Should be here approximately in 3 minutes."

"Prepare both of the Traumas!" Adam yelled, loud enough for everybody around him to hear, and everybody was moving again. It looked almost chaotic if Sauli didn't know better.

"Today you're going to intubate if needed." Adam said to Sauli, warm hand on his shoulder, "Prepare yourself for it."

Sauli nodded. He followed Adam outside with a few nurses and Alisan. He tried to breathe calmly, inhaling slowly through his nose then exhalaing through his mouth.

When the ambulances came, Sauli unconsciously turned to the first patient with Adam. The patient was a woman, no older than 25, and unconscious. From what it looked like, she wasn't the one worse for wear.

"Her pressure has been dropping all the time." The paramedic informed, "Husband flew out the window, no seatbelt, tree branch went through his chest. She's better off, but there's severe bleeding in the leg."

"My God. We need to work fast. To Trauma one" Adam said, and they pushed the pars in and next to the bed, "Carefully, on my count. One, two, three."

They lifted the pars on the bed and started hooking her up to the heart monitors. Adam checked her pupils.

"Pupils reacting equally. Sauli, intubate now. Janine, 4 units of O- to begin with." Adam commanded, standing at the head side of the patient, and Sauli swallowed nervously as he began the intubation, thankful that Adam was taller than him and so could see his every move over his shoulder and guide him through it.

"Easy. Press the laryngoscope on the right side of the tongue." Adam guided, and Sauli, despite his nerves, felt an odd sense of calm overtake him as he listened to the deep rumble of Adam's voice, "A bit deeper... Perfect. Now, lift up to get the tongue out of the way to display the vocal cords and the laryngeal opening."

Sauli felt Adam's hand rest between his shoulder blades, and Adam got impossibly close that Sauli could feel his body heat radiating against him, and he felt more of the tension leak from his body, which was now tingling with a nervousness that had nothing to do with the task at hand.

"Now, insert the tube through the cords..." Adam said, and Sauli used his right hand to do so, "About 22cm in... Perfect. Pull the laryngoscope out and inflate the cuff."

Sauli did, with Janine putting the right amount of air.

"Pressure down to 50." One of the nurses informed while looking at the monitor.

Fuck. _Fuck_. Sauli made a sound, feeling his heart thrash against his chest as if it was about to jump out.

"Don't panic, you're almost there. Ventilate with 15l of oxygen flow per minute." Adam finished with a contagious calmness, and Sauli sagged a little. Once he was done Adam placed the chest piece of his stethoscope on the patient's chest and felt around.

"It's there. No excessive fluids in the lungs, either, heart is doing fine. Good job, Sauli." He said and rushed to the other side of the bed.

Sauli stepped a few steps back, still in shock over the fact that he successfully intubated a person. Now all he needed was this woman to survive.

"She is steady. Let's take a CT, CBC, and chest X-rays." Adam informed, "Oh, and also a tox screen. She was the driver." he added and tugged Sauli with him in a rush to Trauma two, where the husband was currently being treated.

The second Sauli saw the blood, and how the man's chest was opened to treat an artery wound, a rib spreader placed on his chest, he wobbled on his feet.

"Oh, God. I'm gonna... I'll be outside." He mumbled and rushed out of the room, tearing off his gown and making his way outside. He collapsed against the wall and slid down to the ground when he felt the fresh air hit his face.

His head felt like it was stuffed full of cotton, he was dizzy, and all he could think about was the sight he just saw.

Working in the E.R. as a student was no picnic. Sauli never thought blood and deep wounds would bother him so much, but apparently they do. A lot.

He didn't know how long he just sat there, but next thing he knew, Adam was there, his voice gentle as he spoke, "You okay?"

"I am now." Sauli sighed, raising his head, "Are they going to survive?"

"There was a tear in the man's aorta and he went into a cardiac arrest." Adam told him and crouched down next to him against the wall, "They, _we_ , couldn't start his heart after that, no matter what we did. We tried for 42 minutes, but-"

"He died." Sauli finished, pressing his head back down between his knees, "Oh, God..."

"Yeah. The woman is alright and awake now, but we haven't told her anything, yet." Adam said, "In situations like these, you need to remember that you did everything you could."

"But I didn't!" Sauli snapped, raising his head back up and looking at Adam, who was surprisingly close to him, his face just inches away from his, "I stormed out." Sauli added in a quieter voice.

"You're not the first student nor the last to do so. Even if you stayed, you couldn't have done anything to save him. You'll get used to seeing scenes like that, it's only normal to feel sick from time to time." Adam explained with a gentle tone and Sauli felt him touch his back, soothingly stroking up and down, "That was one of the worst possible things, along with third degree burns."

Sauli nodded, taking a deep breath so he wouldn't burst into tears and embarrass himself.

"There's a good side to this as well, I promise. It's very rewarding to save a trauma patient." Adam said and Sauli could hear the genuine warmth in his voice.

"But what about when someone dies in my hands?" Sauli asked, turning his head to see Adam's face again, so composed even after such breaking circumstances, "How do you get over that?"

Adam was quiet for a while, glancing up at the sky, and Sauli couldn't stop looking at him, because right then in that moment he looked devastatingly young and his face held a certain vulnerability. Maybe it was the light. It had to be.

"It's hard. It's _very_ hard. Especially when it happens for the first time." Adam paused, letting his hand slide away off Sauli's back and Sauli missed it instantly, "People always say everybody makes mistakes. And often times, those mistakes are forgiven because we're all only human. But when you're a doctor or a surgeon, you're just not allowed to make any. I've had my fair share of families coming up to me with a blaming finger."

Knowing that Adam had been through all that, made Sauli feel a little better, because then Adam _knew_ what it feels like, and he wouldn't have to pretend to understand. He _did_ understand.

"These things happen to everyone. It doesn't even have to be a mistake, sometimes you just can't do anything. Once, my med student performed an intubation on her own and ended up placing the tube in the food pipe." Adam told him and Sauli's eyes widened as he mumbled _'She didn't'_.

Adam nodded, "She did. The patient could've died, but, by the grace, he didn't. I took the blame for her; I should've kept an eye on her. She was very stubborn, somehow thinking that as a student, she knew things better than me as a resident."

"So that's why you're like a hawk when it comes to me." Sauli concluded with a frown.

Adam chuckled, shrugging a shoulder, "Maybe..."

Sauli paused for a few seconds and then narrowed his eyes at Adam, "You told Alisan to keep an eye on me, didn't you?"

"No!" Adam defended, raising his hands up in surrender, "Okay, maybe." He amended at Sauli's glare, "But not watch your every move, just check what you're doing. She _is_ covering for Dr. Reggie today, not just watching you."

Sauli was sure he was gaping like a fool. After what Adam told him, he understood the man was strict, but to ask someone else, an OB/GYN, to watch his every move was... A lack of trust.

"Don't look at me like that. I now know you can intubate, and you did very well," Adam smiled, "But I'm your mentor, and I don't want you to go all solo."

"I won't. Just... Show some trust in me, please." Sauli pleaded, and Adam's eyes sparkled like meteors, his smile sending shivers down Sauli's spine and yet warming him over. Adam wasn't half as bad as everyone claimed.

"I'll try. First you watch, then you apply, and then you teach." Adam said as he stood up, and Sauli's eyes were quickly drawn to the long, lean legs and round, firm ass. It was a nice ass, the type you just want to bite.

Sauli swallowed hard, tearing his eyes away. He shouldn't be having those inappropriate thoughts about his _mentor_.

_Get a grip._

Adam turned around to face Sauli again, and then Sauli was left staring at his bulge. It probably wasn't legal to wear such tight pants at work. It shouldn't be legal. Man, it was a nice bulge.

"Wanna grab a bite?"

"Huh?" Sauli asked, looking up with a flustered face.

"Lunch." Adam chuckled, "I'm starving."

Oh. _Oh_. Lunch. Yeah, he could do that.

~*~ 

When you're tired, had a long day at work, still in shock of going through a patient's death for the first time and then your landlady tells you you have to leave your apartment because you haven't paid the rent in three months, it feels like the end of the world.

And you just burst into desperate, pathetic sobs. At work. In the locker room.

Sauli's head snapped up when he heard someone open a locker door. It was Adam. Sauli needed to remind himself to compliment the man on his _perfect timing._

"What's wrong?" He asked, "You still thinking about that man?"

Sauli shook his head, "No. If I was, I think I wouldn't be much of a good doctor." He said, forcing out a small chuckle, "My landlady kicked me out of my apartment."

Adam frowned, turning his whole body to look at him. His shoulders hunched, and based on his body language, Sauli would say he was concerned. Only, Adam had only known him for a day. There was just no way that could be it.

"Why?"

"Can't afford the rent." Sauli chuckled humorlessly, wiping his eyes. He didn't want to imagine what kind of picture Adam had of him now.

"So where are you going to crash now?" Adam asked with a small frown.

Sauli shrugged.

"You can't just stay on the streets. I have a spare room in my apartment, you could stay there until you figure something out." Adam suggested.

A med student living with a resident, who also happened to be his mentor, wouldn't probably sound too good for the higher authorities.

"Wouldn't that be a little weird? You're my mentor." Sauli pointed out and watched Adam take off his white coat and put it in the locker.

"So?" Adam chuckled, kicking his flippers off his feet, "I'd rent you a room, big deal."

Sauli forced out a chuckle. Adam was very active when it came to sex, Sauli had noticed, and he wasn't too tempted to listen to intercourse sounds in the middle of the night. Or day.

"I'm sure there are spare rooms in the campus apartments, too." Adam said then, grabbing his car keys from the locker shelf and putting them into his jeans pocket, "They are way cheaper than regular one-room apartments."

Sauli wrinkled his nose, "I'm not really sure if I want there. Loud parties every night and ugh..."

"Not a party person?" Adam smiled and pulled on his leather jacket.

"Oh, I am a party person." Sauli cleared out, "Just not every day, I really want to study, too."

Adam nodded, humming in approval. Sauli wanted to take his studies seriously and he respected that.

"Then I don't think you have many options." Adam said, glancing at Sauli over his shoulder as he closed his locker door.

Sauli let his head drop against the table top. His landlady gave him two weeks to find a new place to stay in _or_ pay the rent of the past three months. He didn't want to borrow money from anyone, so maybe he really was out of options here.

"C'mon, your shift is over. At least come with me, check out the place and then decide." He heard Adam say and felt a tap against his shoulder.

"I won't get into trouble?" Sauli asked, raising his head to look at Adam who shook his head.

"Even if it would be considered somehow unacceptable, I would be the one in trouble, not you." Adam said, tapping his shoulder again, "Come on."

Sauli pushed himself up and went to his locker. He copied Adam's earlier routine, and once ready, he followed Adam out of the locker rooms and out of the whole hospital.

"I don't live that far away so you could easily walk the distance if you want to." Adam explained when they got into his car.

Sauli really enjoyed walking so it wouldn't be a problem, even with a longer distance.

"You have a driver's license?" Adam asked, turning on the radio.

"No." Sauli said, "Well, I have in Finland, but it doesn't apply here without an additional course or some shit."

"Okay. I was about to warn you to never use my car, but now I don't have to." Adam winked.

The ride was spent with Sauli looking out of the window, feeling too awkward to strike up any conversation, and Adam humming under his breath.

"This is a very nice neighborhood." Adam said when he parked his car, "I'm sure you'll be fine here."

Sauli got out of the car and looked around. It was indeed a nice neighbourhood. But could he really live with Adam? As much as Sauli hated to admit, Adam made him nervous, and he didn't want to think up any explanations for why he felt like that.

Sauli followed Adam inside the building and to the elevators, where they went a few floors up.

"Most of my neighbors are really nice. Mrs. Hunnigan always bakes cookies because I once 'fixed' her up." Adam told him and pointed to the door next to his flat, "It's better to just take the cookies, or she will get upset."

Sauli chuckled. Those old ladies...

Adam unlocked the door and pulled it open, stepping aside to let Sauli enter first. Sauli noticed right away that the flat had a really nice, soothing scent. It looked quite cozy and light. Very pleasant, to be honest.

Sauli kicked his shoes off and dropped his bag down next to them.

"I have some stuff in the room, but I can move them if they bother you or if you need more space." Adam said as he led Sauli to the spare bedroom. Sauli peeked in and saw a bookshelf and an armchair, but plenty of room for his stuff.

"I do recommend that you read these books." Adam said and stepped inside the room and to the bookshelf, Sauli following him, "There is the complete human anatomy, but I assume you already have the book." Adam told him and pointed at the thick book in the middle of the upper shelf.

"Yeah, but I have the latest version, I think." Sauli said.

"That's what I thought." Adam smiled, "Then there is physilogy, E.R. medicine, sexual health, and even obstetrics and gynecology." he listed, pointing each of the books one by one.

"Obstetrics and gynecology?" Sauli repeated, pulling the book out of the shelf and eyeing the back, "You've read this too?"

"Not entirely. But ever since I helped the first baby into the world, I wanted to read about it a little." Adam said, "Sometimes, you have to figure something out if there aren't any OB/GYNs free. Pre-eclampsias are tricky as fuck."

Sauli put the book back in the shelf and looked at Adam. His worst fear was to come in terms with such case and lose the mother, or, in the worse cases, the baby.

"You've dealt with one before?" He asked Adam.

"Yeah. I think it was my second year of residency. Both the mom and baby survived but I've never felt so nervous in my life." Adam explained, shuddering at the memory, and Sauli followed him out of the bedroom.

"But you're a pediatrician? Why did you have to take such a case?" Sauli asked and watched Adam open the door of the second bedroom right next to 'his'. He turned around to face Sauli instead of stepping in.

"In E.R. your main focus, your main goal, is to save the person's life. If you're free, whether you're a pediatrician or something else, you take whatever and whoever they bring in." Adam said seriously and _that_ was the look that intimidated Sauli. It was consistant and serious, eyebrows adding up to that intensity that dug right through your soul.

Sauli was only able to nod.

"And if you feel like you don't know what to do, you ask a nurse to call someone from the upper floors while you do the very best you can."

Sauli nodded again. He watched Adam turn around and he quietly let out the breath he had held the entire time Adam was talking.

"Anyway, this is my bedroom. You probably won't need anything from here, at least not without my permission, but just letting you know." Adam said and stood aside a little to let Sauli peek inside the room.

It was like any other bedroom Sauli had seen, just more tastefully decorated. A nightstand, a wardrobe and a dresser.

Adam had a king-sized bed in the middle with a fashionable bedding and several comfy-looking pillows. A laptop laid in the middle of the bed.

"So, there." Adam said, pulling the door closed and almost hitting Sauli in the nose with it because he was too busy staring at the beautiful bed.

"I burn scented candles a lot. In my bedroom and in the living room so just tell me if some scent irks you." Adam said with a chuckle.

"The bathroom is the door near the mirror," Adam told him, "There's a condom stash in the cabinet underneath the sink if a surprising situation happens." he added with a flirtatious wink.

Sauli felt his face flush.

"So... What do you say? This, or a room at the campus?" Adam asked.

"What's your rent?" Sauli asked, looking around. The apartment was very pleasant and roomy, so the rent for one room could be a lot higher than Sauli could afford.

Adam pursed his lips, thinking, "Are you a good cook?"

Sauli blinked, "Uh- Yes? I think."

"Okay. Let's say you buy food ingredients and cook, and keep the house tidy, and you don't have to pay rent for now." Adam suggested and Sauli's eyes widened, "You've already raised a loan, I assume."

"Yeah, but all the money goes to studies, no housing or food." Sauli informed, Adam nodding knowingly, "I'm gonna pay the loan for the rest of my life."

In Finland, the studies would have been free, but he has lived in the States for so long it only felt natural to start his studies here.

"I know. But physicians' pay is one of the highest ranked in the States, so... There are also different programs to cut the loan." Adam informed him, "So, do you take it or leave it?"

Sauli took a deep breath, looking around once again. Tempting, so very tempting.

"I'll take it."

~*~ 

Sauli didn't have a lot of stuff, so it only took a few hours to get all of it moved to Adam's flat. He didn't ask Adam to move the bookshelf from the bedroom. He wanted to sink his teeth into the books.

The first night Sauli prepared some lasagna for dinner and hoped Adam would like it.

Adam came back home much later, then left almost right away, and Sauli didn't even have time to ask where or tell him he made dinner.

Sauli was watching TV in the living room, flicking through the channels, when he heard the door open. He was about to yell that there was some dinner but Adam wasn't alone.

Sauli heard a voice he didn't recognize and he immediately sank further down on the couch, wanting to hide himself.

"Don't be like that." Came the sultry voice again, "You know I'm good at it."

Sauli held his breath so he wouldn't make any sound and embarrass himself. He didn't want to listen, but he was too curious not to.

"It's either a bottom or nothing." He heard Adam say, "Or would you rather walk out the door?"

Sauli wished he'd say yes.

"I'd never say no to having your big cock inside of me."

Sauli squeezed his eyes shut and wished he hadn't heard the words. How was he supposed to look at Adam now? He was very well aware that the man had sex and it wasn't a big deal, Sauli wasn't a prude, but he didn't really want to _listen_ , let alone _see_ anything that involved Adam and his dick.

"I thought so." Adam said and Sauli could hear the wicked smile in his voice. He heard Adam's bedroom door open and close almost instantly, and he sagged against the couch in palpable relief.

Sauli shut the TV and made his way to his bedroom where his books were waiting for him.

~*~

Sauli was still studying at 1.30 a.m. He was never going to learn this stuff, literally never. He couldn't see how someone could learn each and every part of the human body inside out and be able to point them out in their sleep.

"The gallbladder, the left-"

"You're still up?"

Sauli jumped off his chair, startling the sleepy voice coming behind him. Adam's voice was raspier than normal, and Sauli really wanted it to be because of sleep, but he knew better.

"As you can see." Sauli said and, from the corner of his eye, saw Adam come up next to him with a glass of water. He was wearing a bathrobe that was very loosely tied and his hair was all over the place.

Those lips were unmistakably red and swollen, and Sauli tried really hard not to stare at them.

"Yeah, I do. So, what are you studying?" He asked and looked down at Sauli's notes, placing his water glass on the table so he could tighten his robe before it would fall open.

He probably didn't expect Sauli to be awake and studying in the kitchen this late at night. Sauli was happy he was thoughtful enough to wear anything.

"Just trying to memorize digestive system. I'm at the liver and bile ducts now." Sauli told him and moved his hand a bit to show Adam what he was working on.

"That's a very nice picture." Adam said, impressed by the detailed drawing Sauli had made, "But you got those mixed," He leaned over and tapped his finger on the paper, gently pointing out, "That's the common hepatic duct."

Sauli frowned, looking down at his drawing.

"Really? But I thought the hepatic one goes-" Sauli started explaining but then remembered whom he was arguing with and let his words fade, "Never mind." he said.

Adam chuckled, sitting down on one of the chairs around the table and took careful sips of his water,

"You really should've argued through, because you got them correct." Adam told him and took another careful sip of his water, "I was testing you. You shouldn't trust me or anyone else blindly when you're certain about your answer."

Sauli groaned, throwing his head back. _Why_ was he so stupid? He knew he should trust his instincts, that he should've pulled out the book and shown Adam he was right. _Fuck._

"Remember that the next time." Adam said, "Why aren't you studying in your own room, anyway? What brought you here to the kitchen?" he asked.

"Well... The walls aren't exactly soundproof." Sauli said casually, "Thought I could concentrate better in here."

"Oh, my God," Adam said, forcing out a shaky smile, "I'm so sorry. I had no idea you could hear us."

"Yeaaah, very clearly." Sauli said, writing down more notes and keeping his eyes low. He really didn't want to face Adam right now, or he might end up doing something embarrassing.

"I guess I'm so used to being alone in my apartment that I forgot to mention to my... Company that you were here." Adam said, rubbing the back of his neck. He sounded somehow upset, and Sauli couldn't imagine why.

"It wasn't really your company that bothered me, he sounded very... Muffled." Sauli said, blinking a few times to remind himself that he was writing notes, not imagining Adam having sex.

"Oh, God..." Adam groaned, completely mortified, "I'm so sorry. You should've banged on the wall."

"Nah, I'm okay." Sauli said, gathering his pens, "Reading here in kitchen was fine, I was-"

"Where did you go?" Came a male voice and Sauli glanced over his shoulder to see a naked man standing in the door of Adam's room.

Sauli turned his head immediately and held a hand over his eyes so he wouldn't see anything. He did _not_ want to see that.

He hasn't been here for even a day.

"Ohhh, I didn't know someone else was here, too." Said the man, a twink. For some reason, Sauli found his voice annoying.

"Oh, no... No, no. I'm just renting a room for Sauli. He's a med student, and I'm his mentor." Adam said and got up, putting his glass on the edge of the sink and walking over to the man who was about 3 inches shorter than him, "So don't even think about it."

Sauli rolled his eyes and gathered the rest of his stuff in his arms, shut down the lights in the kitchen, and made his way into his room. He tossed his stuff on the armchair and went into the bathroom for a quick pee and brushed his teeth.

_Remember that Adam is your mentor. He's not that nice either, at least not at work._ Sauli thought to himself while brushing his teeth.

Is he _really_ that good looking, either?

Sauli arched an eyebrow at himself. Yes, he _is_.

_But why should I be concerned about that? I'm just living with him for a while and that's it._

Sauli spit the toothpaste in the sink and remembered that Adam had a really nice and tight ass. Why did he have such a nice ass?

He also had a very beautiful smile that transformed his whole face. And those _hands_.

"He's not that good, he's a strict, bitchy, self-centered man eater." Sauli murmured to himself and put his toothbrush back in the cabinet. He splashed cold water on his face and left the bathroom.

When he returned to his bedroom and threw himself blissfully on the bed, his eyes snapped back open very soon when he heard quiet groaning behind the wall.

"Oh, please!" He hissed, burying his head under his pillow.

He knew what he was getting himself into, he knew Adam brought a lot of men home, but he never knew he would have to listen to the sounds right behind the wall.


	3. Not a crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sauli learns new things about Adam and gets to perform different procedures.

Sauli woke up earlier than he would've liked, but he knew if he continued sleeping any longer, he would be sleepy throughout the day.

Not that he could complain or anything; he did sleep quite well through the night, Adam's sex activities having not kept him up, which he was more than thankful for.

Making his way to the kitchen, Sauli set about preparing a healthy omelet for himself while he set a coffee pot to brew. There was nothing that beat a healthy meal and a cup of coffee in the morning for him.

He was peacefully enjoying his breakfast when he heard the bathroom door open and then close.

Adam came into the kitchen a few minutes later, wearing a loose tank top and a pair of tight black briefs.

"Morning." He smiled sleepily, his eyes still blinking heavily. He was clearly not a morning person.

"Morning." Sauli replied with a smile of his own and a lump to accompany it, completely dazed by the way Adam looked; so fresh and beautiful.

He rolled his eyes in what he could only call irritation when the man from last night came into the kitchen, completely ignoring his presence and going straight for Adam, plastering himself against his back.

He ran his nose along Adam's neck, breathing in with a contented sigh, "How can you smell so good?"

Sauli could've as well imagined Adam flinching and goosebumps breaking across his creamy skin.

When Adam remained silent, the man quickly added, "I had a great time last night."

"I'm glad." Adam replied drily and wiggled out of the hold, pouring himself a large cup of coffee. Sauli followed the scene discreetly, watching as the guy brushed his hand along the dip of Adam's lower back, catching the hem of his tanktop and going to slide his hand below it to touch the warm skin hidden below.

"I'm not a huge fan of PDA. There are other people in the room." Adam pointed out impatiently and pulled out a spoon from the drawer.

"He doesn't mind."

Sauli snorted. What did this guy know about what he minded about or not, anyway?

"Well, I do." Adam said and Sauli could hear the clear irritation and crankiness in his voice, "So would you mind letting go?"

"That's not what you said last night." He shot back, tightening his arms around Adam and catching the nape of his neck in a wet kiss.

And wow, Sauli was starting to really hate him. He was right out staring at the scene by now, readying himself to pull the guy away from Adam if needed.

Adam wiggled out of the hold again and turned his head to escape the kiss,

"Just let go." The guy didn't show any signs that he heard, or he simply didn't care.

The exploring hand caused Adam's tanktop to lift, exposing a stretch of creamy skin, and it was clear where the guy's hand was headed, Sauli's eyes shot up, seeing the outline of a perky nipple through the thin material, "Let go of me!" Adam snapped loudly, jerking himself out of the hold, his chest heaving as he panted in anger.

Sauli jerked in his chair, nearly toppling over. He glanced at Adam with wide eyes, a little shocked by his behavior.

"Out." Adam hissed calmly.

Without any further words, the guy left the kitchen and disappeared into Adam's bedroom, probably hunting for his clothes.

"Are you alright?" He asked after a few tense seconds of silence. He would be lying if he said he wasn't a little worried.

Adam nodded, grabbing his coffee cup and sitting down at the table across Sauli, "I'm just not much of a cuddler when it comes to one-night stands." Adam stated and took a swallow of his scalding coffee. He stirred the coffee around with his spoon, watching the fluid like it was somehow hypnotic.

His expression was unreadable.

Sauli didn't want to intrude, but considering he was now living with Adam, he deserved to know what was going on. Especially when Adam acted a little unstable.

"Doesn't everyone like cuddles?" Sauli asked, a little carefully.

"I guess." Adam sighed, looking a little lost for a second before his expression was blank again, "A fuck is a fuck, though. No need for the dying affection." he settled and stood up, going over to the counter to put two slices of bread in the toaster.

And there it was. Adam clearly wasn't the caring and sharing kind of person, not wanting to discuss what was going through his head. Which was fine. Not that he had any reason to worry; he was just a little surprised.

Sauli watched the guy storm out of Adam's bedroom and straight out the door without breathing a word.

"Do you have the bile ducts in the back of your head now?" Adam asked, which was a screaming subject change if Sauli saw any.

"I think so." Sauli sighed and ate last bits of his now cold omelet.

"Cystohepatic triangle?" Adam arched an eyebrow and Sauli knew a challenge when he saw one.

He glanced over at Adam who was leaning back against the counter by the toaster, waiting for his breads to bounce up, and Sauli wanted to wipe that smug smirk right off his face.

He swallowed his mouthful, gathered his plate, fork and coffee mug and walked to the counter. He put his dishes in the sink then moved over to Adam, almost crowding up against him.

"Cystic duct," He said, his hands on either side of Adam, trapping him, "Common duct," he leaned closer until he was right up in Adam's face, hissing his final answer, "And liver."

Adam blinked rapidly, his eyes wide and striken, breath heavy.

"Any other questions, _doctor_?" Sauli asked, "Because I need to get to work."

"No, I'm- I'm impressed." Adam finally got out, "Didn't expect you to know that."

Sauli just beamed, spinning on his heels and strutting to his bedroom. He managed to impress doctor Lambert and it was only the first morning he spent in his apartment.

~*~ 

"I'm serious!" Caroline pressured, trying to keep a straight face as she looked at Sauli, "The patient came in, complaining about pain somewhere around the bowels. They did an X-ray and there was a carrot shoved up in there."

Sauli dropped his hand from his mouth and burst into giggles. He saw this stuff on TV, but he never really believed it could happen in the E.R. in real life.

"And our med student of the time was like _'how did he swallow the whole carrot in one piece?'_ " Terrance said, keeping his tone low so he didn't disturb the others who were actually trying to eat in the cafeteria.

They probably didn't want in on the conversation going on.

"And I looked at her like 'You've gotta be kidding me'" Caroline continued, "The look on her face when she realized what actually happened was priceless."

Sauli laughed, shaking his head. He almost choked on his giggles when he saw Adam carrying his own lunch, pondering whether to sit at the table with Sauli, Terrance and Caroline, or the attending pediatrician.

A short moment of hesitation later, he made his way over to their table, and Sauli immediately felt his cheeks heat up when he sat down next to him.

"We were just telling Sauli about the carrot in the rectum incident." Terrance grinned.

"Oh yeah, I remember that one." Adam giggled, opening his lunch box and pulling out a fork. His lunch consisted of a healthy-looking salad and a few crackers, "What about the time when a man tried to circumcise himself."

Sauli flinched in sympathy, squeezing his eyes shut. _Who_ would ever try to do that?

"Oh my God, yes. I remember that." Terrance nodded, "Turns out he was mentally unstable."

"That's _horrible_." Sauli said, his face still scrunched in displeasure.

"Welcome to E.R." Caroline winked.

A carrot in the rectum, self-attempted circumcision, what next? Manual heart operation?

"Have you thought about your speciality yet?" Caroline asked then, looking at Sauli, and he shrugged.

"I'm not sure, yet. Surgical residency sounds interesting, but considering I fainted when I saw a rib spreader, I'm not sure if that's for me." Sauli said and wrinkled his nose. He wanted to be a professional surgeon some day, but he wasn't sure if he could do it.

"You'll get used to it." Terrance reassured with an understanding smile, "Adam fainted too when he saw third-degree burns for the first time."

" _Really_?" Sauli smiled smugly, glancing at Adam who didn't look very pleased that Terrance had let slip that tad bit of information.

"It was a very brutal accident. Like, 78% of his body was covered in third-degree burns." Adam remembered, "And you know what you have to do then?" he asked Sauli.

Sauli thought about it for a second, then shook his head, "Not really."

"You have to cut the skin because it eases up the pressure." Adam told him, "After the first cut, I passed out. It was my first day as an intern."

Sauli shuddered at the thought, feeling his stomach churn.

"But don't feel bad about it," Caroline butted in, "Some doctors are more sensitive. It doesn't make them any less perfect, they're just more in touch with their emotional side."

Sauli nodded. He had to keep that in mind in case Adam or anyone else gave him shit for feeling a little nauseous.

~*~

"Dr. Lambert!" Sauli called out, jogging to catch up with the long strides of his mentor.

Adam glanced over his shoulder but continued walking, "Ah, Mr. Koskinen." He declared to himself, "What now? I'm a little busy."

Sauli rolled his eyes, speeding up his own steps,

"Well, if you could just stop for a second, I could explain!" Sauli yelled, almost running by now. To his luck, Adam stopped walking and turned around, pulling them off to the dide in case there was an emergency and people need to run to the traumas.

"Spit it out." Adam said, crossing his arms.

"I got a patient in Exam 2," Sauli told him, sucking in a calm breath, "Complained about pain around the chest. Vitals are normal, so I wouldn't suspect a heart attack. I ordered a CBC and chest X-ray, and I'd like you to see them." he explained and handed Adam the radiology photos.

Adam stepped to the nearest light board and switched the light on, placing the photos on the board. Sauli stepped next to him and tried to gauge Adam's expression.

"It's a tumor, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Adam confirmed, eyeing the photos, "A massive one, too. Did you check his medical history?"

"No. But you'd think he would know he has cancer by this point, right?" Sauli asked and watched as Adam took the photos off the board and gave them back to him.

"He should. He didn't tell you anything?" Adam asked.

Sauli shook his head.

"I guess we don't need a CT scan. Or any further tests, actually."

"No." Adam said right away, rubbing the bridge of his nose, "I think he already knows about his condition and probably refused to undergo the treatments. How old is he?"

"39."

Sauli felt sick to his stomach. He didn't want to tell a 39 year-old man that he was going to die in the matter of months.

Adam checked his watch and pursed his lips, "I'm coming with you." he declared.

Sauli nodded and followed Adam back to Exam 2, where the man was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking very calm and aware of the situation.

"Hello, Mr-"

"Teller." Sauli said.

"Teller." Adam repeated and pulled out a chair for himself to sit on, "I'm Dr. Lambert. I'm curious to know if you're aware of your medical condition?"

Sauli eyed the man and watched as he nodded.

"Are you aware that you have a massive tumor in your lungs and that it's way too late to start any treatment?" Adam asked and Sauli watched the man again. He just nodded dimly, looking like he had completely accepted what was going to happen to him.

Adam took a deep breath and blew it out in a sigh.

"How much time do I have?" The man asked.

"We're talking about months, Mr. Teller. Around 5 to 7 months." Adam said calmly.

"It's more than I expected. That's still 5 months more with my babies." The man said with a dim smile. Sauli felt heartbroken and he willed himself not to cry.

Adam gave him a tight smile and left the room. It left Sauli frowning and he muttered a quiet _'excuse me'_ to the man before running after Adam.

"Is that all you're gonna say to him?" He asked when he reached Adam.

"What more do you want me to say?" Adam asked, "He's dying and he knows it. There's nothing I can do." he snapped and kept walking.

Sauli knew, but he didn't want to believe. 39 years old, small babies, and dying of lung cancer.

"You can prolong his life with chemotherapy!" Sauli yelled after him.

"Is it really worth it? Would he rather have 5 healthy months or 10  pain-filled months?" Adam asked, "He's your patient. If you want something happier, go and find Alisan." He pointed out.

Sauli sighed.

He told the closest nurse to let the guy go home then went to the front desk to find out where Alisan was.

"The cervix is dialating well." Alisan said and pulled her fingers out, tossing the glove in the trash, "You're doing great. Vanessa, this is Mr. Koskinen, and he's a med student in the ER. Would you mind if I let him try the cervix before we move you?" she asked and pointed at Sauli who was standing nearby.

Sauli had been mostly just watching Alisan do her work. First learn by watching, then by doing. Or that was how Adam taught him, anyway.

"Be my guest, people have been probing around the whole day anyway" Said Vanessa with a gentle smile.

"Can I? Really?" Sauli asked brightly and uncrossed his arms. He stepped closer, putting on his gloves and standing next to Alisan. He bent down to get a better angle and felt around with his fingers.

"Just push them in." Alisan encouraged. Sauli did, apologizing automatically when Vanessa hissed in discomfort. It was weird, but Sauli was really happy he got to try.

Obstetrics was definitely one of the fields he was interested in.

"So, what do you say?" Alisan asked, watching the focused look on Sauli's face.

"I'd say... About 4cm...?" Sauli hesitantly stated and shot a questioning look at Alisan, pulling his fingers out.

"Close enough for the first try! It's about 5cm." Alisan told him and helped Vanessa up from the bed, "I'll take you upstairs to the maternity unit now. Think you're able to walk?"

"Oh, yes, please. Walking feels much better than just lying still." Vanessa groaned and got down from the bed, and Sauli was tempted to go with her and see how everything went, but he knew he had to be in the ER under Adam's supervision.

Damn it. Maybe he should just find Adam and be a pain in his ass.

 

~*~

 

"Sauli, Adam wants you in Exam 2." Caroline informed, peeking behind Curtain 2 where Sauli was with Terrance, attending to a 20 year-old young man who had fallen down the stairs.

"Can't it wait?" Sauli asked.

"I wouldn't keep him waiting if I were you. I'll be there, too."

Sauli shot a questioning look at Terrance.

"Go on, Sauli. I'll manage with this one." He said, eyeing the X-ray. The wrist was just sprained, not broken.

"Thanks." Sauli smiled and rushed to Exam 2 as quickly as he possibly could. The halls were a little crowded today for some reason, and Sauli had to slither between the people.

He stepped inside Exam 2 and Adam glanced over his shoulder,

"Please, come in." He said, then turned back to his patient, a girl around 15 years old, "This is Mr. Koskinen, my med student. He's going to take a spinal fluid sample."

Sauli walked further inside, not really comprehending what Adam said as he introduced himself.

"Hi, I'm Sauli, and I'm- What?" He cut himself off when he finally caught up with what Adam had just said. _A spinal fluid sample_.

"You heard me." Adam was trying to keep a serious face, though there was laughter in his eyes, "I'm gonna stand right here and I'm gonna talk you through it. Is it okay if Mr. Koskinen takes the sample?" he turned to his patient, then, his tone gentle.

"I guess." The girl said, looking like she couldn't care less who did what and when as long as she could get out of there as soon as possible.

"Okay." Adam smiled, and Sauli was stuck on that gentle smile again. He wouldn't call it something he reserved to his patients for the sake of being a good pediatrician, or a physician in general, it looked genuine.

"Now, Sarah, I want you to lie down on your side and tuck your knees up." Adam told her and got up from his chair.

Sauli was still frozen in place and Adam tugged him along to the drawer.

"You're gonna have to do it at some point." Adam whispered and pulled out the supplies he needed.

Sauli sighed, rubbing the back of his neck nervously and staring at the floor,

"She's just so young," He insisted earnestly, "What if I screwed up and ruined the rest of her life?"

"So what are you saying? That just because she's young her life is more valuable than someone else's?" Adam asked, gathering the rest of the stuff.

"No, but-"

"I'm right here," Adam reassured, keeping his voice low so the girl couldn't hear, "I won't let you screw up."

Sauli raised his head and looked up at Adam, right into those brilliant blue eyes of his. Something in his chest clenched and his stomach jumped.

" _I'm right here_." Adam repeated, and Sauli could do nothing but believe him.

Sauli glanced at the girl and watched as Caroline sat on a chair in front of her, just talking.

"Come on, now, I know you can do it." Adam encouraged softly, "Put your gloves on."

Sauli sighed quietly and did as he was told. He put on a pair of gloves and pushed the table closer to the bed where the patient was already lying.

Sauli sat on the chair behind the girl's back and moved the hospital gown enough to expose her lower spine.

"So, Sarah, I'm going to clean your skin now and then I'm going to numb the area," Sauli explained. Adam was hovering over his shoulder, eyeing what he was doing.

"You're going between the two vertebrae," Adam said and bent down to draw a mark on the skin, "Right here."

"Thanks."

Sauli cleaned the skin then draped the area with sterile towels.

"The patient has no allergies, so you can use the anaesthetic you normally use."

The numbing part cleared, Sauli pulled out the spinal tap needle, staring for a minute at the large syringe before sighing.

He leaned down, ready to insert the needle in, but his hands wouldn't stop trembling long enough to do the puncture.

"Deep breath." Adam whispered.

Sauli followed the command and flexed his shouders, but he was nearly sick with nervousness.

"Is everything alright?" The girl asked, intending to turn her head, but Caroline gently prevented her from doing so.

"Everything's fine; Mr. Koskinen just needs a little more time to take the sample." She told her, "All you have to do is keep really still."

Sauli swallowed nervously and fixed his stance again so he could push the needle in, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Just when he was about to give up, he felt a rush of warm breath and then Adam's hands caught his own, steadying them.

"Right between the vertebrae," Adam whispered, "Push the needle in until you feel a quiet snap."

With Adam's hands anchoring his, Sauli finally pushed the needle in and drew a sample of the fluid, then carefully pulled it out.

"That's it." Adam murmured against his ear and let go of his hands.

"Is it over?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah, it's over." Sauli confirmed and blinked a few times, still a little hazy, himself, "I'll clean the skin again and put a bandage over the needle site."

Caroline gave Sauli a bandage over a weird look, and Sauli ignored it as he focused on taping the bandage in place then disposing his gloves.

"Stay down for a couple of minutes. Caroline will take care of you." Sauli said and left the room in a rush.

He just made a complete fool out of himself.

Alisan was in the lounge room when he got there, lying on the couch with her legs up against the wall, rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"Uhm, hey?" Sauli said and went to the cabinets, pulling out a cup for himself.

"Ah, Sauli, hey." She replied, sitting up with a sigh, "Can you pour some for me too?"

"Sure." Sauli threw her a smile and grabbed another cup from the cabinet, pouring them both some coffee and adding a little milk into Alisan's cup before handing it to her.

"So, what have you done or not done?" Sauli asked.

"You remember the pregnant woman? Vanessa?" At Sauli's nod, she continued, "She had pre-eclampsia. And I missed it."

"Oh my God, is she okay? What about the baby?"

"Both are fine." Alisan said, relief palpable in her voice, "But I _missed_ it. _How_ can I miss a pre-eclampsia? I'm a OB/GYN resident!" she said, clearly frustrated and disappointed in herself.

Sauli couldn't imagine how she would feel if something had happened to Vanessa or the baby. She would've blamed herself for a long time.

"Her blood pressure suddenly just went up and I consulted an attending OB. She gave me the third degree about not noticing, and then she was like _this is how you learn_." Alisan said dimly and took a sip of her coffee.

Sauli cringed at the brutality of it. You might make a fatal mistake and _'that's how you learn'_.

"What about you? Adam went off on you?" Alisan asked and playfully nudged Sauli with her elbow.

"What? No-"

"What the hell happened in there?" Came Caroline's voice all of a sudden as she came into the lounge.

"Yeah, I was just about to get to that." Sauli mumbled and rubbed his face with his free hand, "Adam let me take a spinal fluid sample. It didn't go exactly well."

"What? Why?" Alisan asked and glanced at Caroline who shrugged back at her.

"He just makes me so nervous with every little thing he does." Sauli blurted out.

Alisan and Caroline exchanged a look that was way too mischievous for Sauli's liking.

"What?" Sauli snapped, eyeing them suspiciously.

"Sauli, you're not the first nor the last med student to have a crush on Adam." Caroline informed, matter-of-factly, as it was a normal, frequent occurance that they were used to.

And it was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. Adam was his mentor and room-mate, but that was it. The reason Sauli was nervous was because he was trying to impress the man with his medical skills, not because of some undying feelings.

"I don't have a crush on him!" Sauli squeaked, "He's just... Intimidating. He has this... This _look_."

Yeah, it was definately the eyes.

"Trust me, I know. You might've noticed that Adam plays your side of the field." Alisan smiled, "If he tried to-"

"No." Sauli objected, not letting her finish, "I know he likes men, but he never tried anything on me. He's very flirtatious, but that's, like, his default setting or something."

He hadn't even finished the sentence when Adam popped in, like poof, right out of thin air.

"Sauli? Can I talk to you for a second?" He asked, "In private." he added a little sharply when Alisan and Caroline showed no signs of leaving.

_Oh, hell._

"Yeah, I need to get back to work." Alisan announced, drinking down the rest of her coffee and yanked Caroline along with her.

Adam approached him and sat down on the chair Caroline had been sitting on.

"About the-"

"I'm sorry. I just got so nervous and-" Sauli started babbling, not even noticing the confusion that tugged at his features.

"No, no, slow down." Adam chuckled and Sauli snapped his mouth shut, looking up at Adam, "You took the fluid successfully, and that's what matters. I wanted to talk about our living arrangement."

Sauli's head snapped up, "You're kicking me out?"

"No." Adam said incredulously, "Stop assuming that everything I want to say to you is something negative."

Sauli's face flushed in embarrassment. He couldn't help it. He was always pessimistic when it came to Adam, for some reason.

"Then what?"

"Our shifts don't always match; most of the time we leave together since you're primarily under my supervision, but sometimes I'd still be needed here when you leave, so..." Adam said and reached into his pocket to pull out a key, "You gotta get inside when I'm not home, right?"

Sauli's eyes widened in surprise but he managed to grab the key from Adam without making a fool out of himself.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." Adam smiled, "But that doesn't mean you can pull up parties when I'm gone." he warned, and his voice sent shivers down Sauli's spine.

Sauli stared at Adam's face, drinking his features in, and then he noticed a long, dark fallen lash on Adam's cheek.

Sauli bit back a smile and tapped his own cheek,

"You have a lash on your-"

Adam blinked a few times and brushed a hand over his cheek.

"No, no, the other-"

Adam's second attempt was fruitless, and Sauli chuckled, leaning forward.

"Here, let me..."

Sauli reached out to brush the long lash off, just managing not to ask Adam to make a wish. Adam had such smooth skin...

"I think you got it." Adam whispered, his blue eyes wide. Sauli nodded frantically and dropped his hand.

But Adam was leaning _closer_. Or maybe it was Sauli's imagination, but he could practically _feel_ Adam's breath ghosting across his face.

Sauli closed his eyes, and tilted his head a little, chasing after the intoxicating breeze of Adam's breath.

He felt a hot puff of breath, like a sigh, touch his lips, and heard the scrap of a chair. He opened his eyes just in time to see Adam walking away.

_What the hell just happened?_


	4. A little crush (not like I faint everytime we touch)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sauli admits things to himself and struggles with them. He ends up to a surprising situation with Dr. Lambert..

Sauli was murmuring the anatomy of the heart to himself, hands over his ears to block the sounds of sex coming from the other room.

He can't go on like this. He had to bring it up to Adam, no matter how awkward or embarrassing.

He simply couldn't study with all the action just behind the wall. And it wasn't even the sounds of sex that bother him alone, it was also the fact that it was _Adam._

Sauli didn't want to hear these sounds coming from him.

Adam just had this... this _grip_ on him, Sauli grudgingly admitted. It was like a race to do everything in his power to impress the man, and he _really_ should just get over the whole impressing thing before it got him killed at some point.

But ever since he and Adam nearly kissed, or so he imagined, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about Adam. It got to the point where he sometimes forgot his own work because he was too busy staring at Adam in awe while the man worked.

He didn't even want to talk about the times he had undressed Adam in his head, and he had only known him for a week.

And on top of all that, Adam _didn't_ kiss him; just walked away before their lips had the chance to touch, and all that thinking was _distracting_.

Adam hadn't talked to him since that little incident two days ago. He taught Sauli in E.R, but back home he didn't say anything more than necessary, and Sauli felt like he had to pull the words out of him.

Sauli sighed, dropping his hands into his lap. He could hear Adam moaning, recognized his voice, and his dick, the traitor, appreciated the sounds all too much.

Sauli ignored it, flipping the page over.

"Papillary muscles," He murmured to himself and closed his eyes, "They are located in the ventricles of the heart and their-"

His cock stirred when a louder moan sounded behind the wall, and he just couldn't concentrate anymore on the task at hand.

"Goddamn it." He mumbled, reaching for his water bottle, but found it empty. He really needed a chilly gulp of fresh water, or he wasn't going to make it through the night.

He got up from his bed and walked out of the room, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw the sex Adam was so happily indulging in was happening right there in the living room.

Sauli immediately jerked back behind the wall, feeling a strong wave of heat zap through his entire body and his dick twitched in approval, that he imagined if the fucker had a mouth he'd be like _'Oooooh, yeah!'_

The dim light had illuminated the long stretches of Adam's creamy, pale skin, and Sauli couldn't help himself.

He carefully peeked around the wall.

His eyes swept down Adam's body and zeroed in on his cock, large and flushed and standing proudly on its own, while Adam's fuck of the night was mischievously twiddling his tongue against Adam's balls, his hands holding Adam's hips in place as Adam jerked, as if wanting to get away from the clear torment, and yet not wanting it to end.

Either he was simply very sensitive, or the foreplay had been going on for a long time.

_Both._ Sauli's mind supplied uselessly.

But what really hit Sauli like a fret train was Adam's face. His head tossed back against a cushion, eyes closed, mouth dropped open in pleasure.

And Sauli, he felt jealous, because a twink that was probably barely 18 shouldn't be the one between Adam's legs, torturing him like that and getting to see him completely wrecked with pleasure. It should be...!

Sauli sighed. _Someone else_. What the hell was wrong with him? He never generalized people like that. Ever.

Sauli went back into his room and fell on his bed, groaning.

~*~

Sauli's head snapped up when he heard a door close.

"Not sleeping!" He declared.

He heard a familiar chuckle behind him before two warm hands rested on his shoulders.

"I thought you might be here. Did you manage okay with that pregnant girl?" Adam asked, and last night's fuck had probably done him special good, because he started rubbing Sauli's shoulders.

Considering Adam hadn't said a word to him since their almost-kiss two days ago, Sauli was more than a little surprised Adam was actually talking to him in full sentences.

"Yeah! I managed okay with the girl, but her mom refused to leave the room." Sauli said and closed his eyes in bliss as Adam slowly kneaded the tension away.

"What did you do then?" Adam asked, pressing his thumbs against the base of Sauli's skull, and damn, he had amazing hands.

"I told her that after a certain age, kids might no longer feel comfortable with their parents in the room." He said with a sigh.

Sauli was used to stubborn patients, but he rarely encountered stubborn parents.

"And since she'd had unprotected sex, I got her tested for gonorrhea, chlamydia and HIV, considering she came to the E.R. because she had a seizure, I got chem 20, CT and CBC, and consulted Alisan for a possible pre-eclampsia."

Adam's hands stilled, and Sauli tensed up, afraid that he had done something wrong with the patient. Maybe he shouldn't have gone solo like that, Adam had warned him about it.

"Did I- I mean, were the tests not necessary?"

"No. I mean, no, they _were_ all necessary, especially since she's pregnant." Adam said and went back to rubbing Sauli's shoulders, "And it was a good thing that you consulted Alisan, I didn't expect my meeting to take so long."

Sauli smiled, relaxing. At least Adam was talking to him again like a normal person.

"Hey, uhm-"

No sentence that started like that was bound to be good.

"Yeah?" Sauli said anyway, bracing himself for whatever was to come.

"About last night... Please tell me you were able to study."

Oh. That. Well, he didn't really get any studying done at all. The fact that Adam was having sex just behind the wall screwed with his concentration. And that's not even mentioning the sounds.

But Adam didn't have to know that, right?

"Yeah, I- I did alright." Sauli said.

"That's good." Adam flashed a little grin and dropped his hands from his shoulders, "I thought I'd kept you up."

_You did._

Adam didn't have to know that, either.

He seemed to acknowledge he was noisy in bed.

"I should test you some day, see if you'd really learned anything." Adam teased and moved over to the coffee maker, pulling out his cup from the cabinet.

Sauli sighed, shaking his head.

"I'm a third year med student. I don't think I would've gotten this far if I didn't know anything."

"I know. Just teasing." Adam smirked, then flinched and leaned forward a little, which made Sauli sit a little straighter.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just spasms." Adam brushed him off, but the rough edge in his voice suggested he was in more pain than what he was letting on, "I don't know when this hospital will finally invest in proper, ergonomic chairs."

"Can I check?" Sauli asked, ignoring him.

"What?" Adam chuckled.

"Your back. It's good practice for me." Sauli informed innocently and off his chair, walking over to Adam who arched an eyebrow at him but turned around obidently.

"Lean against the counter." Sauli instructed and tried to control his racing thoughts when Adam did.

Sauli pressed his hands on Adam's back, trying to be gentle as he searched for sore spots. He moved down his shoulders and upper back, going over the smooth dip at the small of his back and pressing against the muscles above Adam's ass.

Adam had such a nice body, all long lines and lean muscle.

"You have quite a lot of tension around here." Sauli informed and pressed against the spasming area, feeling the muscles bunch up even more if it was possible.

"I could've figured that out myself." Adam groaned and slowly straightened up, "If I were a patient and came here seeking medical help because of back pain, what would you do?"

"I'd ask you if you felt any numbness, tingling or weakness in you body, or if the pain radiated anywhere. Also, if you felt any pain during urinating, or needed to urinate frequently."

Adam nodded approvingly and poured coffee for himself.

He looked almost disappointed that Sauli actually answered correctly, like it was his life goal to find a reason to bash or critisize him.

Not that Adam needed a reason to get bitchy, or so he heard.

"Can I ask you something?" Sauli asked, watching as Adam slowly sat down.

"Sure."

"Why did you choose pediatric medicine? Or, like, what made you choose it?" Sauli asked, genuinely interested, because he didn't really know what he, himself, wanted. Dermatology, obstetrics, cardiology, surgery, psychiatry... So many options.

"I'm not really sure." Adam admitted, frowning a little, "I wanted to become an obstetrician when I was in med school... But then I changed my mind when I came here to E.R. in my third year as a med student."

Sauli's eyebrow climbed into his hairline, "Really? _E.R._?"

Adam chuckled, shaking his head. The emergency room wasn't for everybody.

"In E.R., the line between life and death is very thin. It's the matter of seconds... Life and death," Adam told him and stirred his coffee, his eyes electrifying blue and far away, "Let's just say I had to learn that the hard way."

Sauli didn't want to open that can of worms, and by the looks of it, Adam didn't either.

"So I chose to become an E.R. physician, and my speciality would be pediatrics. Sometimes it's very hard... But when you get to save a kid's life, one way or another... That's what I'm after." Adam said and raised his eyes, looking at Sauli, "Medicine, no matter what field you want to practice, will always have a big influence on someone's life, and that's always beautiful. You just gotta figure out where _you_ want to shine."

Sauli smiled, nodding.

"As much as I'd like to say that my style is the best and only possible style if you want to be a good doctor, I can't," Adam said, much to Sauli's surprise, "In this enviroment, everybody is important. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and someone's weakness might just be your strength. So when you work together-"

"You create something wonderful where everybody has their own, equally important role." Sauli finished, and Adam nodded with a small, pleased smile.

~*~

Sauli walked in on Adam fumbling with the blood test supplies. He frowned, carefully stepping inside the room.

"Can I help you?" He asked cautiously, causing Adam to jump and nearly drop the needle on the floor.

Adam glanced over his shoulder and sighed heavily, "Well, since you're here..." Adam trailed off, "You've taken blood tests before?"

Sauli nodded, stepping further into the room. He had no idea why Adam would be drawing blood tests, but he didn't feel like it was his place to ask.

Sauli pulled out a chair and sat beside the table. Adam caught his wrist just as he was about to pull out antiseptic wipes.

"Already did that. Just had some difficulties with the needle."

"Right." Sauli chuckled, "You're a doctor and you forgot to put a tourniquet around your bicep." He pointed out smugly.

"You try doing that one-handed." Adam grumbled defensively, and Sauli grinned.

"Fair enough." Sauli smiled and tried to roll up the sleeve of Adam's coat, but Adam stopped him. Again.

"Let me just take it off." Adam said and pulled the white coat off. He wore a stylish, short-sleeved shirt underneath, and Sauli took a minute to stare at the impressive sleeve of tattoos.

He wrapped the pressure band around Adam's bicep and waited for the vein he located to swell a little more so he could inject the syringe.

Adam's skin was really smooth. He had really fair hair, and his muscles were very attractive, not overly packed, but stood out perfectly.

Sauli injected the syringe in the vein and drew a small amount of blood in.

"You know, I know it's none of my business, but why-"

"Am I taking a blood test?" Adam cut him off, "Yeah, that's really none your business."

Sauli wasn't that surprised with the answer he received. He carefully withdrew the needle and pressed a cotton pad over the injected area,

"Hold it there." he said and spun his chair around to get a bandage.

"I know." Adam winked and held the pad in place, "I am a doctor, you know."

"And I am a student, you know." Sauli fired back, dragging his chair back to Adam, "I gotta treat you like any other patient so I'll learn."

"Fair enough." Adam said, watching as Sauli gently pressed the bandage over his skin.

"All done." Sauli declared, pulling off his gloves and tossing them in the trash can.

"Thank you." Adam smiled and grabbed his coat from the backrest of his chair, standing up and pulling it back on. He smiled in amusement as Sauli wrinkled his nose it was itching

"Are you alright?" He chuckled and watched as Sauli nodded, sneezing into the crease of his elbow, "Bless you."

Sauli groaned quietly, bringing his arm down. Adam opened his mouth to ask something, but his pager started beeping in his pocket, so he pulled it out.

"Damn, they have three severely injured patients, one of them just crashed." Adam informed, "Come with me."

Adam grabbed his hand and dragged him along, pushing his way through the people in the hallway and heading for Trauma 1, only releasing his grip when they got there so he could rush ahead into the room.

Sauli stopped at the door for a minute, taking a deep breath before stepping closer to the patient closest to the door.

He was already intubated and his vitals were stable. There wasn't anything remotely shocking, but Sauli still started feeling a little nauseous and dizzy....

He heard clattering just before everything went black.

~*~

When Sauli blinked his eyes open, he saw a blurry figure hovering over him and felt something cold pressed to side of his head.

"Hey," The figure whispered softly, and after blinking a few times, Sauli recognized the figure as Adam.

"Hi." Sauli said, "What exactly happened?"

"You fainted." Adam informed, but other than that remained silent. Sauli was expecting him to start a lecture about how doctors shouldn't faint during critical moments, or, better yet, never.

"Oh. I'm sorry." Sauli frowned, pushing himself up to a sitting position and taking the ice pack Adam was holding against his head.

"Don't worry about it." Adam said

Ok, wow. Sauli must've hit his head harder than he thought, because there was just no way Adam was letting him off the hook with a _don't worry about it_.

"You know where we are?" Adam asked and Sauli supressed a smile because Adam was testing him for signs of a concussion. He decided to toy a little with him, because, _why not?_

"I'm- I'm not very sure..."

Adam frowned a little, "Okay." He said, pulling out a small flash light from his jacket pocket, and checked Sauli's pupils, "Do you know what you were doing before you fainted?"

Sauli squinted his eyes after Adam had put the flashlight down and slowly said;

"Not really... Gardening?"

Sauli had to use all of his will power so he wouldn't crack up. He knew this was so damn _mean_ , but after listening to Adam having sex for several nights and losing sleep, Sauli was entitled for a little revenge.

"Yeah, not really... Let's go and get a CT to that head of yours, because I'm concerned." Adam said with a frown and Sauli couldn't hold the laughter in anymore.

"I was just messing with you," Sauli snickered, "I'm at the hospital and I was about to assist you in Trauma 1 when I fainted. Before that, I drew a blood test from you in Exam 4."

Adam let out a relieved sigh, closing his eyes. Or maybe he was slowly counting to ten in his head so he wouldn't yell. God knew he had some pipes, and he wasn't shy about using them to bitch someone straight to hell.

" _Don't_ do that! It wasn't funny," He finally said, his voice high-pitched, and Sauli found it extremely funny. Sue him, he was still a child at heart.

"I'm sorry. Are the patients fine?" Sauli asked.

"Two of them had plenty of bone fractures, but they'll be fine. The third is still in surgery, and they might have to remove the spleen." Adam told him and glanced at the clock. Sauli wasn't unconscious for that long.

Sauli nodded, removing the ice pack away from his head, and Adam immediately dragged his chair even closer to the couch so he could examine the bump.

Sauli hissed when Adam touched it.

"Sorry. It doesn't look that bad, just a tiny bump." Adam informed, "Maybe you-"

Adam was interrupted by Sauli sneezing. Again.

"Bless you. Are you falling ill? Maybe that's why you fainted in the first place." Adam frowned and touched a hand to Sauli's forehead. Sauli shrugged, rubbing his nose and ignoring the cartwheel his heart made when Adam touched him.

His heart had been acting up like a maniac the second he opened his eyes and saw Adam. It was acting up like a maniac when he drew the blood samples from Adam.

Sauli wouldn't be surprised if it gave in right now.

"There's been some kind of bug floating around, I've had it a while ago and had to take a sick leave. I'm gonna listen to your lungs, just in case." Adam said and grabbed a stethoscope from the table behind him.

Oh, no. Adam was gonna hear his ridiculously fast hearbeat.

Sauli reluctantly shrugged his white coat off. He was wearing a T-shirt _and_ a sweater underneath, so there was no way Adam could hear anything if he didn't remove some of his clothes.

"Can you- Uh, raise your shirt a little?"

Sauli swallowed nervously and nodded, taking a hold of the hem of his shirt and pulling it up and out of the way. Adam chuckled.

"When I was a med student I was happy if I had time to sleep and eat along with my studies. I couldn't even _think_ of working out." Adam said, staring at the clear lines of Sauli's taut abs.

Sauli chuckled, though he felt a little uneasy under Adam's intense gaze.

"Working out keeps my mind fresh. I dedicate at least one day a week for a proper work out."

"That's admirable." Adam smiled, putting the earpieces of the stethoscope in his ears and placing the chest piece on Sauli's chest, "Take a deep breath."

Sauli obeyed, inhaling through his nose. Adam moved the chest piece, his face serious and grounded, and completely unreadable. But just knowing Adam could hear his heart made him feel even more nervous.

He was probably wondering what the hell was going on.

Adam moved his hand around Sauli's body and placed the chest piece on his back, and Sauli's heart did another somersault.

"Doesn't sound serious, no wheezing or rales. Probably just a cold." Adam said and brought the chest piece back onto his chest.

"Yeah, I don't really feel that sick. Just a little tired." Sauli murmured.

Adam smiled, taking the stethoscope off and left it hanging around his neck.

"And nervous." he added, "I know doctors can increase the heartrate and blood pressure but your heart is losing its shit."

Sauli chuckled nervously, letting the hem of his shirt down and pulling the coat back on his shoulders.

"Yeah, I- Well, yeah..."

He really couldn't figure out anything else to say.

"I'm making you nervous?"

"Yeah, uh- You tend to do that..." Sauli said and briefly looked at Adam, who Adam had a smug smile on his face but it was tinged with a little uncertainity. It wasn't his usual cocky smile.

"Is it a positive or negative kind of nervousness?" He asked.

"I'm still trying to figure that out." Sauli admitted, watching as Adam nodded, the smug smile disappearing, replaced with a boy-ish shyness that Sauli didn't expect to see in Adam.

"Maybe I can help you figure it out." Adam whispered, leaning closer to him and gingerly pressing their lips together.

Adam's lips were warm and soft and moist, gentle, to his surprise, and he wanted to open his mouth and lick them open, taste them and taste the man, but was too shocked to react.

Adam slowly pulled away.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..."

The uncertainity in Adam's voice snapped Sauli back to reality, "No. You should have." Sauli rushed out, not wanting Adam to withdraw again, "I'm very positive it's positive."

Adam chuckled, still with that shyness that gave him an irresistable kind of sweetness. He pressed their lips together again, and this time Sauli didn't hesitate to open his mouth and capture Adam's plump lower lip between his.

He didn't know why this was happening, or _how_ this was happening. All he knew was that Adam was kissing him.

_Adam_. That cocky pediatrician who ate med students for breakfast and had loud, obnoxious sex every night.

Hesitantly, Sauli put his hand on Adam's waist and shifted closer to the edge of the couch. Adam's hands came on the sides of his face, gently cupping his cheeks.

Adam kissed just like Sauli imagined, gentle and addicting, at first, then growing more forceful and passionate.

Sauli's other hand crept on Adam's knee and slowly up along his thigh. Sauli loved how _alive_ Adam seemed to be, reacting to every single thing.

"Dr. Lambert...!" They both jerked away, "Oh, sorry."

Who else but Caroline? _Why_ couldn't it have been Scarlett or Danielle?

_'Atleast it wasn't the chief resident or the chief of the E.R.'_

Adam cleared his throat, but before he could say anything, Caroline beat him to it,

"When do you get those kind of physical exams? After fainting?"

"Very funny." Adam said dryly, getting up from his chair, "What'd you got?"

"A baby with a fever and a hysterical mother in Exam 4." Caroline informed and handed Adam the file. Adam nodded, checking the file and then he glanced back at Sauli.

His gaze went straight into Sauli's pants.

"Just go home and get some rest. I'll write a sick leave for you for the rest of the day." Adam said, and Sauli nodded, trying to smile, "I'll be off at 7."

Sauli nodded again. The smile Adam gave him was a little nervous, a little awkward, and then he left the room, leaving Caroline biting back a grin.

"Don't say anything." Sauli pointed a finger at her, standing up and going over to his locker.

"You don't have a crush on him?" She asked anyway.

Sauli rolled his eyes and murmured 'No' while unlocking his locker.

"Look, as exciting as it is, you're still a med student." Caroline pointed out, only to have Sauli sigh heavily, "There are certain rules and their purpose is to protect students from any kind of harrassment."

"Student or not, I'm 24. I think I'm old enough to take care of myself. It's not like we're dating."

"24 or not, you're still a student." Caroline insisted.

Sauli shut the door of his locker as soon as he put his stuff there and retrieved his jacket and keys.

"I just don't think you should get too involved with him." She said when Sauli turned around to see her surprisingly serious face, "You're only gonna end up hurt."

Somehow, Sauli knew she was right, but he didn't want to think about it. He was certain, now, that the staff knew about Adam's private life, so they were trying to protect him.

"It's just physical attraction." Sauli shrugged, knowing that it was so much more than that but not wanting to admit it to himself, "A little crush won't hurt anyone."


	5. It's not his fault if he's so irresistible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sauli's head is spinning with all the emotions and Adam lures him to his web almost too easily.

Sauli was lying on the couch, waiting for the water to boil. He could still taste Adam on his lips, and his tongue unconsciously passed over them every few minutes so he could chase that intoxicating taste. He has been thinking about it the whole evening, ever since he got home.

He dragged himself off the couch when he heard the water boiler snap. He had just poured the water into his mug when he heard Adam come home.

He grabbed a tea bag from the box on the counter top, and glanced over his shoulder,

"Hey."

"Hey, you." Adam smiled, taking his jacket off, "Feeling better?"

Sauli nodded, "Yeah, just making some tea. You want some?"

"Sure, thank you."

Sauli pulled out a second mug from the cabinet and poured some water into it. He grabbed a tea bag and dipped it in, turning around just in time to see Adam come into the kitchen.

He handed Adam the steaming mug and offered a small smile before he sat at the table. If the atmosphere was tense after their almost-kiss, it was crushingly heavy now after their actual-kiss.

"Have you checked your temperature?" Adam asked, hopping up on the kitchen counter.

"Yeah, it's only a little higher than normal. I'll be fine." Sauli said and poked the teabag around with his spoon.

How was he supposed to act normal after he kissed Adam? What if Adam didn't bring it up and he had to act like nothing happened?

"Can I ask why you took a blood test?" Sauli asked, just for the sake of saying something.

Adam smiled faintly, staring into his tea cup. And Sauli didn't know what to think of him when he looked like that. It was like he held a crushing weight on his shoulders that he couldn't share, and it was slowly tearing him down.

It could've as well been Sauli's imagination.

"STDs."

Sauli nearly choked on his tea, and he shot Adam a concerned look.

"What? Why? You think you've been exposed to something?"

"No, just for caution." Adam said and slid off the counter, leaning against it instead, "I remembered that I had unprotected sex a while ago."

"When I talked about the pregnant girl?"

Adam hummed.

"Any symptoms?" Sauli asked, and Adam opened his mouth to reply, but Sauli went on with his questions, "No discharge? Pain while peeing?"

Adam shook his head with an amused smile.

"I'm a doctor, I think I'd recognize the symptoms."

Sauli flushed, feeling embarrassed for some reason, "Just wanted to make sure." He mumbled into his tea, "No pain in the testicles?" He asked weakly.

Adam snorted, nearly spitting his tea out,

"Not that I've noticed. Considering they'd been fondled quite a lot in the past few days." He said with a cheeky grin.

It was Sauli's turn to nearly spit his tea out. He did _not_ need to know that. Well, in theory. In reality, he _saw_ the guy drive Adam out of his mind with his tongue twiddling all over his balls.

Sauli cleared his throat, "No unusual rash or bumps around... There?" He asked, and Adam giggled, the sound clear and high-pitched.

"Why don't you take a look at it yourself?"

_No_. He did not need to see Adam's dick. He was just practicing his doctor skills.

"You wanna take a look, _doctor_?" Adam asked with a sultry smile.

"No, not necessarily."  Sauli wheezed, glancing at Adam. He was met with that smug smirk.

Adam put his cup on the counter and his sultry expression changed into something softer but just as appealing.

"Come here." He said.

"What?" Sauli blurted out, both surprised and confused.

"I said come here." Adam said, "Doctor's orders."

Sauli snorted. He got up like the _doctor ordered_ and slowly walked over to Adam, his heart thrashing.

"You wanna kiss me?" Adam whispered when Sauli was standing before him.

The smell of Adam's cologne and his warmth were intoxicating. How could he ask something like that? Sauli wanted to kiss him and touch him and take anything he had to offer.

The thought both exhilirated and scared him.

He was breathing heavily as stared into Adam's liquid blue eyes, and then remembering the question, he nodded.

"Then why don't you?" Adam whispered huskily, his warm breath hitting Sauli's face and making him shiver.

When Adam didn't show any signs of bending down, Sauli took hold of his shoulders and stood on his toes, pressing a brief, tentative kiss on Adam's wet lips.

"Mm." Adam hummed, "Is that all you got?"

A part of Sauli wanted to kiss Adam again and savor his taste, lick deep into his mouth and touch him, and the other part wanted to pull away completely and make Adam chase him.

Before he could decide what to do, Adam pulled him closer, locking their lips together in a heated kiss.

Sauli whimpered, curling his arms around Adam's waist. This was like something out of a porno film.

The thought made him smile into the kiss, and Adam pulled away questioningly.

"What?" He asked, resting his forehead against Sauli's.

"Nothing." Sauli answered, pulling Adam's mouth back on his. Adam happily obeyed, his arm wrapped tightly around Sauli's back.

And that one kiss proved that what Sauli was feeling wasn't all lust; there was undeniable chemistry between them.

Adam dropped his hand lower and gave Sauli's ass a firm squeeze, then he spun them around and pushed Sauli on top of the counter, wriggling his way between his legs and pressing up against him, and Sauli wrapped his arms tightly around him.

He found the hem of Adam's shirt and slid his hands underneath it to touch the smooth, hot skin.

"Don't drop my tea cup." Adam murmured, pushing the cup further aside, "You just heard I took STI tests and you're being all horny for me."

"That's a good point." Sauli said, gently scratching the skin of Adam's back, making him squirm, "But that's why protection exists. We can use a condom in all the 'risky' activities."

Adam's body shook against him as he giggled.

"I love your eagerness." He smiled, "But I'd rather do it after I've seen the results." he said, pushing Sauli's hands down and off his body.

Sauli bit his lip, feeling rejected, "You don't want me?"

Instead of answering, Adam grabbed Sauli's hand and brought it against his crotch,

"Does it feel like I don't want you?"

Sauli flushed. Adam wasn't completely hard, yet, but he was surely headed there, and the warmth that poured off of him was just delicious.

Adam dropped his hand then and reached for his cooling tea cup instead.

Sauli pursed his lips, sliding off the counter, "Is it because I'm a student?"

Adam sighed. He took a sip of his tea and shook his head.

"No, it's because I'm uncertain about my sexual health right now." Adam explained, but Sauli still had a hard time beliving him, even though it made sense.

"Okay." Sauli said quietly and grabbed his own tea cup off the dining table.

He could as well just hole up in his bedroom and study all night, assuming Adam won't have any other company. Or so he hoped. Otherwise, it would be a blunt message that Adam didn't like him enough to sex him up.

"Don't be like that." Adam said in that _'c'mon now'_ tone, and Sauli ignored him and casually sipped his tea. He hated that Adam didn't treat him like an adult, even though he wasn't that much older.

Or atleast that was how he felt.

"What are you studying tonight?" Adam asked, changing the subject.

Sauli could be childish and ignore him altogether, but that would give Adam more reason to treat him like a baby.

"Probably gonna continue the heart."

"You need help?" Adam asked, and Sauli shook his head immediately.

"No."

Adam's mouth twitched into a small smile,

"Okay, do you _want_ help?"

Sauli stared into his cup and chewed his lip. He wanted nothing more than to be around Adam, but he knew he wouldn't get anything done with Adam there. Just the smell of his breath, which was always amazingly fresh, would distract him.

"No, thank you."

"Alright, whatever you want." Adam smiled gently, "I'm gonna take a power nap. If you need anything, I'll be in my bedroom."

Sauli nodded distractedly. He turned around when Adam walked past him, his eyes fixed on the tall, lean frame. Adam had a beautiful backside from head to toe.

~*~ 

Being home was both good and bad. Sauli had more time to study and rest, but the time dragged when Adam was at work. Every hour felt like a day.

Sauli wasn't even sure how long Adam's shift was today. He prepared dinner around 6, hoping Adam got off at 6.30.

He was just finishing up in the kitchen when Adam came home, carrying a shopping bag. He must've stopped by the store on his way home.

"Shouldn't you be resting?" Adam asked and put the bag on kitchen counter.

"I'll go crazy if I sit on my ass all day and do nothing. Especially when I'm capable of doing something." Sauli said.

"Sounds like me." Adam chuckled. He went to hang his coat in the rack and put his pager on the table with his car keys.

He paused, taking a deep breath through his nose, and letting out a content sigh.

"It smells delicious here. What on earth did you make for dinner?"

"Some curry sauce with rice." Sauli told him, "Hope that's okay with you."

"I'm starving, I could probably eat a horse." Adam said, "I'm sure it's delicious."

Sauli smiled and watched as Adam bent down to pull a plate out of the dishwasher. His mouth went dry and he couldn't tear his eyes off Adam's butt.

He wanted to ask what happened with the STI results, but he didn't want to seem too pushy. Maybe Adam really used this whole thing as an excuse and he didn't want to embarrass himself if it was true.

Adam re-heated his food in the microwave then sat down at the table to eat, and Sauli really needed to come up with something instead of just staring at him.

He had already eaten, so that was out of the question. He could always study some more, but he didn't feel like it. He didn't want to push himself too hard by digesting too much information.

"So... What did you study today?" Adam asked and sank his fork in the rice, gathering the sauce along with it.

Sauli bit his lip, anxiously waiting for Adam's reaction to the food. A way to a man's heart was through his stomach. Although he was pretty sure it wasn't going to work with Adam.

"Uh, I finished the heart and started on the lungs. I feel like if I read one more sentence, my head will explode." Sauli said.

Adam chuckled, and it sounded a little off. He was staring at the food with an odd emotion, fork frozen in his hand as hr chewed before swallowing convulsingly, and Sauli's heart sank. Was it really _that_ bad.

"This is really good." Adam said after a long pause, and Sauli nearly deflated, trying to control his grin.

"I'm glad you like it."

Sauli spun around on his heels and walked to the living room, slumping down on the couch. He reached for the remote and switched the TV on.

He flicked the channels, not finding anything interesting to watch. After a short while, Adam joined him.

Sauli tensed up. Adam was sitting close to him, not close enough for their legs to touch, but almost. He swallowed nervously when he noticed Adam turn his head to look at him.

"You didn't ask about my test results." Adam said after a while.

"Figured it was none of my business." Sauli shrugged, hoping it didn't come out as wheezy as it sounded to his own ears. He was weirdly happy that Adam had brought this up on his own.

Because it was a subtle way to hint that they could have sex if he was okay.

_Or_ Adam simply assumed that Sauli cared about his well-being enough to ask.

Fuck.

"True." Adam said, "But it would have a been a nice gesture."

"If I'd asked, you would've said it was none of my business. Now that I didn't, you suddenly have a change of heart."

When Adam didn't say anything, he dared to peek at him, which was a huge mistake because Adam was still staring at him with those intense eyes of his.

"Well, in case you're interested ... I'm all clean." He said with a sultry smile.

_'Be. Strong. Don't let him lure you into his web'_

"That's great." Sauli squeezed out and turned his head. He felt Adam shift closer, his thigh brushing against his, and it set Sauli's skin on fire. His entire face felt hot and his fingers twitched around the remote.

"Look at me." Adam said in a low tone that made Sauli shiver.

He swallowed hard and slowly turned his head to look at Adam. He was so close Sauli could feel his breath hit his face.

"Do you still want this?" Adam asked, dropping his hand on Sauli's knee.

"What's 'this'?" Sauli asked, because with Adam, you never know. You never know what's going on inside his head.

"This, as in _this_ ," Adam whispered, dipping his head to lock his lips with Sauli's in a chaste kiss, "Or do you want this to mean something else?"

Sauli's eyes had fallen closed the second their lips touched, and along with it, he lost the ability to think straight.

He could hear Caroline's nagging voice in the back of his head, telling him to back off while he still could.

"No, I... I want it to mean something more." Sauli whispered and he felt Adam go a little stiff at his words, his hand disappearing off Sauli's leg.

"Something more?" Adam echoed, and if Sauli didn't know any better, he would say Adam sounded small and hesitant. Like he would pull away completely any second.

"No, nothing like- Nothing like that. I'm not asking any commitments from you, I just-" Sauli babbled, then sighed deeply, "Just forget that I said anything."

Adam melted a little against him, and his hand was back on his thigh,

"What? You mean something more as in more than just a kiss?" He asked, his lips hovering on the side of Sauli's neck, "Like what?"

He wanted Adam naked from head to toe, but he also wanted so much more. But he felt too vulnerable saying those things.

"Do you ever shut up?" Sauli asked instead, and Adam's body shook with chuckles. Sauli felt the hot puffs of breath against his neck.

"Only if you shoved something in my mouth."

Sauli snorted, but he could tell it wasn't fooling Adam. The fucker knew the effect he had on Sauli, and he wasn't ashamed to take advantage of it. It wasn't surprising though, not with Adam's disposition.

Sauli couldn't help but wonder how many hearts he had broken, and he _knew_ that if he crossed that line with Adam, now, he'd never get over it. Not during his time in the ER.

But with Adam's warm body pressed against, he forgot about the consequences.

Adam was like a male version of all those ancient, mystic creatures who lured men to them with their beauty. Sauli knew how those stories ended, and yet, he couldn't bring himself to pull away.

So he stopped thinking and threw himself on Adam, capturing his lips in a kiss.

Adam had Sauli on his back on the couch in the matter of seconds and he laid between his legs, making it clear who was in charge.

_'This is what heaven must be like'_

Sauli thought. Adam's lips on his, his body heavy on top of his; between his legs.

Sauli wrapped his arms around Adam's slim body and surrendered to him. To his kisses, his warmth, his scent, his body, his everything.

Desire was coiling low in Sauli's stomach. He wanted to touch and taste absolutely every inch of Adam's flawless body.

Sauli hooked his leg behind Adam's thighs and pulled his hips flush against his. He let his hands roam against Adam's broad back, slowly seeking their way underneath his shirt.

Sauli's breath grew ragged and heavy fast. He let his blunt fingernails scrape Adam's skin from his shoulder blades to the small of his back, but before he could grab a hold of his ass, Adam grabbed his wrists and pinned them above his head, then slid his mouth down his neck.

Sauli shivered when he felt Adam's lips brush the sensitive skin beneath his ear. He didn't even kiss the skin, just let his mouth hover over it, and it was enough to drive Sauli mad with pure want.

Adam pushed his hips down against his, creating that wonderful friction which was both so heavenly and so torturous. He whined when he realized he couldn't reach down and pull Adam closer.

Adam pulled away, sitting back on his heels and pulling Sauli up with him so he could remove his shirt. Sauli wasn't the type to feel shy over his own body, but under Adam's intense gaze, he was suddenly a bit self-conscious.

Adam hummed his appreciation, and ran his fingertips over Sauli's visibly taut abs. The touch was too light to be anything else but a tickle, and Sauli's muscles twitched under the direct stimulation.

Sauli moaned in surprise when Adam pushed him on his back again and straddled his hips, kissing him hard and deep.

Everything around them was a big blur, and all Sauli could hear was Adam's ragged breathing and the wet sounds of their lips.

Adam pulled back a little and just panted against Sauli's mouth, and Sauli forced himself to open his eyes and stared at the fluttering long, dark lashes and into Adam's heavy-lidded eyes.

The moment was interrupted by a familiar, annoying beep coming from the kitchen.

"That's my pager." Adam blinked, pushing himself up.

"But you _just_ got off work." Sauli whined, watching as Adam went to check his pager.

"We're in shortage of staff... Flu season." Adam explained with a genuinely apologetic expression, "Sorry."

"No, it's fine." Sauli murmured, feeling disappointed, "I'm just gonna... Study? Like always."

Adam chuckled, and why the hell did he have to be so sexy in everything he did?

"Yeah, after you've jerked off." He remarked cheekily, pulling on his leather jacket. Before Sauli could say anything, Adam was standing in front of him, bending down to kiss him.

Sauli chased after his tongue, maybe to gently bite it, but the kiss was over way too soon.

"I don't know how long they'll need me," Adam whispered and straightened up, "We'll continue this some other time, yeah?"

And Sauli could only wonder if Adam was going to find someone else to continue with this time.

~*~

Adam was wearing a new cologne. Sauli smelled it on him before they even left the house. It was one of those strong, heady scents that made you close your eyes and inhale deeply.

His hair was a little different, too; a bit more messier than normal.

His clothes? His regular white coat hadn't changed. The pants he was wearing? A whole different story. They hugged his thighs like a second skin. Sauli wanted to see how they made his perfect, toned ass look.

It probably look so delicious you would be tempted to bite it. Which wasn't something new for Sauli. He had done it more times than he could count in his head. Biting down on that soft flesh while-

Sauli jumped when someone snapped their fingers right before his eyes.

"Are you even paying attention to what I'm saying?" Came Alisan's voice.

_Not really. ___

__"Of course I am." Sauli said with frown, and Alisan narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously._ _

__"Okay, then, what did I just say?" She asked, crossing her arms. Sauli stared at the scan of the ovaries and tried to come up with something._ _

__"There is a cyst in the left ovary?" He offered weakly._ _

__Alisan stared at him incredulously,_ _

__"No shit, Sherlock, we figured that out like 10 minutes ago. Didn't you listen to me at all?"_ _

__Sauli felt instantly bad. Here she was, giving him her time and he doesn't even bother to listen. Or maybe he does bother, but just can't concentrate on the words long enough._ _

__"You were just on a sick leave, I thought you would've gotten some rest." Alisan said and pulled the scan down from the lighting board._ _

__"I'm sorry, my head's just all over the place." Sauli said like it helped, which it probably didn't. Alisan was the most sympathetic person in the entire E.R. but even she looked like she couldn't put up with him right now._ _

__"Is everything alright?" She asked, concern filling her voice._ _

__"I'm fine, it's... It's nothing," Sauli mumbled, glancing around, and then wishing he hadn't when he noticed Adam at the desk talking to a male nurse. Sauli hadn't seen him around here before._ _

__"Don't say it's nothing when there's obviously something bothering you." Alisan insisted and followed Sauli's gaze to where Adam was being his usual flirtatious self at the desk._ _

__She pursed her lips, looking up at Sauli again._ _

__"It's Adam, isn't it?"_ _

__"What about him?" Sauli asked, frowning._ _

__"You tell me." Alisan said, attempting a chuckle. It fell flat._ _

__Sauli sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. He made sure no one was listening before he talked. He didn't need any nasty rumors._ _

__"We almost slept together."_ _

__Alisan's eyes widened._ _

__"You what?" She hissed, pulling Sauli aside, "You and Adam? _Adam_? What do you mean _almost_?"_ _

__Sauli ran his hand down his face and groaned quietly._ _

__"His pager went off. He had to return to work just when things were getting heated up."_ _

__Alisan glanced at Adam again. She could see why Sauli was upset. Just last night Adam was about to sex him up, and now he was already having his wicked, little play with somebody else at the front desk._ _

__And the problem was, Sauli had known since day one that Adam was a player._ _

__There was nothing wrong with having sex, but Adam? Adam had sex every single day. And every day it was somebody different._ _

__Why did he expect to be anything more special than the rest of Adam's fucks? It was disappointing and it hurt._ _

__"I should have just listened to Caroline. I can't believe I was so naive I let myself-"_ _

__"Hey," Alisan interrupted, "Don't blame yourself. Adam is like a magnet and everything else around him is iron."_ _

__Sauli knew that, too. He just nodded._ _

__"I'll take this ovary cyst thing, you go have some coffee. You look like you need it." Alisan smiled and squeezed his shoulder encouraginly._ _

__Sauli attempted to smile. Maybe a break and some coffee would be good. But just as he was passing the desk, he heard Adam calling out his name._ _

__Sauli squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe if he wished it hard enough, he would somehow turn invisible. He spun around and gave Adam his best smile._ _

__"What?"_ _

__"I have a patient for you," Adam said and walked up to him, handing him a file, "Hemorrhoids."_ _

___Of course he did_ _ _

__"Charming," Sauli said, snatching the file from him. He had lost count of how many hemorrhoids he had treated over the few days he has worked here._ _

__"Perks of being a med student." Adam pointed out._ _

__"Screw you," Sauli said, and he had intended it to be playful, but it came out sharp and serious._ _

__Adam grabbed his wrist and pulled him back just as he was turning away to leave, and Sauli nearly face-planted into his chest but managed to keep his balance._ _

__"What's eating you today?" Adam asked._ _

__"Nothing." Sauli frowned._ _

__"Doesn't sound like nothing." Adam retaliated, his eyes drilling through Sauli's soul._ _

__"I'm _fine_." Sauli pressured, attempting to turn away, but Adam grabbed him again._ _

__"Trust me, I'm also disappointed I had to return to work last night." Adam murmured to his ear._ _

___You didn't look so disappointed a minute ago_ _ _

__"But it's not like it was a one-time thing, if that's what bothering you." Adam continued and his hand slowly left Sauli's arm, "It's another night tonight." he added in a whisper, and turned around to walk away._ _

__Sauli stood frozen for a few seconds, staring at Adam's retreating back, and as much as he wanted it, he couldn't ignore how fast his heart was beating again._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic only has 10 chapters so things are going forward quite fast story-wise after this.


	6. Taste of a poison paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then there was sex. And mixed feelings.

Sauli hated lectures when Adam was the one holding them. He loved learning, but he just _couldn't fucking focus_ when Adam was the one doing the talking. There was a very realistic looking doll on the table, every vein and joint perfectly made.

It was creepy just how real it looked, but it was a good way to learn. The only thing that ruined it was Adam.

After the short lecture about the intestines, Sauli was the first one out of the room. He could really do with a cup of coffee right now, especially since he hadn't had the chance to drink any today.

Then he can go to the front desk and ask Marie if she had anything for him. This whole avoiding Adam thing isn't really working for him.

He didn't even know why he was doing it, when every minute away from Adam seemed like an hour.

It was like being stuck between two fires.

Sauli slithered into the lounge and wasn't surprised to see Alisan already there with Caroline.

He was starting to think that all these two did was gossip, because every time he came to the lounge, they were there, while some others, like Dr. Spencer, were never seen in the lounge.

It wasn't any of his business though. He was just practicing here and he had no right whatsoever to judge anyone. They most likely knew what they were doing.

"I've always wondered what it would be like to kiss Adam... Too bad he doesn't swing for my team." Caroline remarked innocently.

_Shit._

"You told her?" Sauli demanded, not liking the look on Caroline's face. It looked like she knew something she shouldn't have known. And why else would she choose to bring the subject up when he came?

"She pulled it out of me!" Alisan said defensively, throwing Caroline an exaspirated look, "You weren't supposed to say anything!"

"I'm sorry! I couldn't help it." She squeaked, "Not that I'm surprised."

"What do you mean?" Sauli asked, pulling his coffee cup out of the cabinet and pouring himself some hot, black coffee to ease his nerves.

"Well, you have an enormous crush on him, and Adam likes pretty boys. You're living under the same roof, so sexual tension was bound to happen." She pointed out, taking a bite from her dougnut.

Sauli just hummed, not saying anything, then grabbed a dougnut for himself from the box. There was a note next to the box that said _'Thank you for all these years'_.

"Chief of the emergency medicine retired today," Alisan explained when she noticed Sauli frown at the note, "The new one should start here tomorrow, I heard she's quite of a package. And not in a good way."

"Adam's going to have a hard time." Caroline said and Sauli perked up.

"Why?" He asked.

"He has a tendency to rebel against authorities. He hates criticism and believes that everything _he_ does is always right." Caroline explained and Alisan nodded her affirmative.

Sure Caroline was Adam's co-worker, but Alisan knew Adam personally, so he didn't want to take Caroline's words for granted if Alisan seemed to have different thoughts on the matter.

Although she probably knew Adam better than he did.

"Somehow, I don't find that hard to believe." Sauli said, his voice muffled with the mouthful of dougnuts he was chewing.

"I'm actually surprised he hasn't given you a hard time, yet." Alisan said with a smile, "He gets some twisted satisfaction from teasing students."

"Well, when it comes to Sauli, Adam's into a different kind of teasing." Caroline smirked and she and Alisan burst into giggles. Sauli rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but smile at their silly-ness.

"Very funny. Are we playing high school now?" He asked, licking his fingers clean once he had finished the doughnut.

"Most likely. So it doesn't hurt to ask if he's-"

The door opened behind them and Caroline swallowed the words quickly. It must've been Adam who stepped in. Sauli could almost sense his presence, and he felt his cheeks flush.

"Aaand the gossip club is gathered," Came Adam's playful voice, before he came into view, taking a sip of his coffee as he squeezed himself between Caroline and Alisan.

"So what's the word? Who were you talking about?" He asked, throwing his arm on the backrest and around Alisan's shoulders, "Me?"

"Don't flatter yourself." Caroline poked his side with a playful smile, "There are other hotties around here."

"Not as hot as me". Adam winked. And he was so casual about it, so relaxed, while Sauli's heart was about to tear a hole out of his chest.

Sauli had to hold his coffee cup with both hands. He tightened his hold when Adam locked eyes with him.

"Right?" Adam asked him with a smirk, probably referring to his previous statement.

"Don't tease med students." Alisan said before Sauli could come up with a smart-ass reply

"Would I ever do that?"

"Of course not. Never you." Caroline said and reached out to grab the doughnut box from the table, "Have a doughnut."

"I shouldn't." Adam said but still grabbed one, making a face at it, "I'm gonna need a lot of exercise to burn off all these calories." Then he took a large bite, licking the white powder off his lips.

But Sauli was caught up in what Adam said, because, did he actually hear cocky Dr. Lambert being insecure? Not that there was anything wrong with it, but he just didn't expect to hear the words and coming out of Adam's mouth nonetheless.

Caroline put the box back on the table and pushed herself off the couch. She glanced over her shoulder at the door just to say;

"Well, we all know a fun way to burn calories."

And Sauli was going to end her.

Just yesterday she was in denial about him getting involved with Adam, and now she keeps making remarks. Women.

"She has a point," Adam said innocently, batting his ridiculously long eyelashes at Sauli.

"I'm gonna get back to work." Sauli wheezed, standing up. He put his cup on the counter top and left the room in a rush.

 

~*~

 

Adam had surprisingly gone home earlier than Sauli. He had ended up staying in the E.R. longer than planned, but he couldn't complain; he got to treat more patients with different symptoms.

Adam came out of his bedroom just as Sauli was hanging his jacket. At first Sauli felt a little nauseous, thinking Adam had brought somebody else home with him.

But Adam was fully clothed so maybe he was alone. He was wearing a black tank top and denim jeans, and Sauli couldn't help but stare at his bare feet, which were weirdly endearing.

"Hey," Sauli managed to say.

"Hey, you." Adam purred, "Had a productive night?"

"You could say so." Sauli replied, feeling tingly under Adam's intense gaze Adam was giving him.

Adam licked his luscious lips, eyeing Sauli from head to toe. _Talk about subtle hints._

Adam slowly walked up to him, as if calculating his every move, and the closer he got, the harder Sauli's mind raced. The harder his heart beat.

"I expected you to run to me and kiss the hell out of me." Adam said in a delicate voice.

"Don't flatter yourself." Sauli said, firmly, but Adam only chuckled.

"I get that a lot. Yet, I always seem to be the one who's right." He said, reaching out to place his hand against Sauli's chest, "I can feel that. You're not fooling me."

Screw his damn sympathetic nervous system straight to hell. It always gave him away.

His breath grew more ragged when Adam grabbed his hands and brought them onto his body.

"So can you really look me in the eyes and tell me you can resist me?" Adam whispered, moving Sauli's hand underneath his shirt to let him feel the warm skin of his side and stomach.

Sauli felt heat spread through his cheeks. Adam's breath was tickling his ear, his lips hovering so close Sauli could almost feel them.

"Why do you try to deny it so bad?"

Sauli's fingertips twitched against Adam's skin. He wanted to caress and rub and grope and fucking _squeeze_ everything. He could smell the intoxicating cologne and it made his head spin. He wanted to bury his face in Adam's neck and inhale the delicious scent while kissing and biting his skin.

"Because this is a game I don't want to play..." Sauli finally said, not meeting Adam's eyes.

Adam sighed, pressing his lips against Sauli's ear, and Sauli shivered.

"What are you trying to do? Make me beg?" He asked, and some of the cockiness that had previously tinged his voice disappeared.

"No."

"Then _what_?" Adam asked, his voice a little desperate, and he yanked Sauli's hands down onto his ass.

" _Please_ ," Adam whispered, tipping his head forward and aligning their lips together.

And why did he have to be so attractive?

Sauli let Adam mold their lips together and in that instant he forgot why he was trying to fight this in the first place as tiny shocks of electricity went through his whole body.

Adam cupped his face, his lips firm yet gentle, and all he could do was whimper in need, hands desperately clutching at Adam's body.

Adam pulled away much too soon and grabbed his hand, tugging him along to his bedroom with nearly as much desperation as Sauli was feeling.

Adam's bedroom smelled divine, fresh and a little fruity, probably from the scented candles he burned. That was the only thing Sauli noticed before Adam had spread a towel on the duvet and nudged him down on the bed.

Sauli wiggled further up, spreading his legs a little as Adam crawled between them and draped himself across his body, bringing their faces so close their noses brushed. Sauli gazed into Adam's eyes, feeling a big wave of utter warmth go through him.

Adam turned his head away, his eyes shifting restlessly all over but not meeting his, which was confusing. He didn't figure Adam as someone shy and there was no way it had anything to do with him feeling _fluttery_ inside or something like that.

Sauli didn't have time to ponder or voice it out because in the next second Adam was kissing him, hard and raw and not hesistating to bring his tongue into the game.

Not that Sauli was _complaining_ or anything, on the contrary, he wanted anything and everything Adam had to offer.

Adam pushed his thighs further apart and pressed them towards his shoulders and they were even closer like that, Adam rubbing up against him like he wanted to crawl into his skin, breathing heavily in the kiss, and Sauli loved every little sound he made.

Adam kissed with so much passion that Sauli couldn't help but feel a little special, though he knew Adam had kissed many guys like this.

Adam pulled away from the kiss, sitting back on his heels between Sauli's legs. Sauli hungrily watched as the soft cotton slid against Adam's creamy skin like water, revealing the toned body underneath, before it was tossed aside.

His own top followed. Then their belts and jeans.

Adam laid down on his back, spreading his legs in an invitation that Sauli was more than happy to take.

He kissed Adam's ear then trailed his mouth along his jaw and down his neck. He wanted to learn every little spot that drove Adam insane with pleasure, but the burning in his stomach was too much.

He lowered himself between Adam's legs, pressing stray kisses against his stomach on his way down. He hooked his thumbs in the elastic of Adam's briefs and pulled them down his long legs.

He made an embarrasing choking sound when he saw Adam's dick. It was _huge_ , "What do you eat?" He sputtered.

Adam laughed darkly, the sound rumbling deep in his throat.

"Med students."

_Typical._

Sauli rolled his eyes.

He stroked Adam's length and wrapped his fingers around the shaft. It was warm and heavy in his hand.

And just when did this all happen? A few days ago he was this med student furiously denying his feelings for his mentor, and now he was in bed with said mentor, touching his dick.

He pressed his thumb against the underside of Adam's cock, smiling wickedly when Adam twitched in his hand and a shuddering sigh escaped his lips. He could tease Adam until he begs, but that might end up being not such a smart thing to do, so he leaned down and wrapped his lips around the head.

He placed his hands on Adam's thighs, splaying them further apart, then he started moving his head, sucking more of Adam's cock into his mouth while firmly stroking the shaft with both of his hands.

Adam arched his back a little, his fingers sinking into Sauli's hair. Sauli looked up, seeing Adam's head resting on the pillows, his eyes closed, the lashes fluttering.

Feeling encouraged, Sauli took a deep breath through his nose and sank lower on Adam's cock until his lips touch his fingers. He slid his mouth up and down, slowly bobbing his head around Adam's pulsing length.

He strained his ears to listen for the high-pitched sounds Adam usually made during sex, but all he could hear was soft mewls and breathy moans.

Sauli sucked harder and Adam's hips bucked. Sauli groaned as Adam's cock pushed deeper into him mouth, and he grabbed Adam's hips and firmly held them down.

"Sorry,"

Sauli released Adam's cock to give his jaw a break. He kept stroking the shaft whilst flicking his tongue around the head and teasing the slit.

Adam sighed, his fingers curling in Sauli's hair. Sauli smiled, dropping his other hand lower to fondle Adam's balls, sucking several wet kisses on the oozing tip.

He whined when Adam tugged on his hair, pulling him off his cock, spinning him around and pressing him down on his stomach on the bed. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Adam reach for the nightstand and pull out lube and a condom. 

 

*

Sauli soon found out that Adam loved fingering nearly as much as he did fucking. He was unrushed and he took his sweet time, until Sauli got impatient when Adam rubbed the tip of his cock against his entrance.

Adam leaned over him, about to guide his dick in, but Sauli turned around on his back. Adam arched an eyebrow.

"I like missionary more than doggy." Sauli stated simply, "Is that a problem?"

Adam looked at him for a while, then shook his head. "Of course not."

Sauli smiled, spreading his legs for Adam to fit between them. Then Adam pushed. Sauli bit back a groan of pain and pleasure, taking a few deep breaths.

Adam started out slow and easy, letting Sauli adjust to the feeling of his dick inside him. When Sauli was relaxed enough, Adam started rocking his hips faster.

Sauli wrapped his arms around Adam's body and clung onto him. Adam was nuzzling into his neck, and he fit so perfectly there. The thought made Sauli shiver.

He wanted to stay like this, skin on skin, to touch Adam as much as he wanted, to kiss him and look into his eyes.

Sauli's arms instinctively tightened around Adam.

Adam raised his head from the crook of his neck and when their eyes met, Sauli felt his chest clench. Adam blinked and looked away, and Sauli couldn't think of any reason why Adam seemed so timid about making eye contact during sex.

Not that he could actually hold onto a thought for more than two seconds.

Adam's hips were furiously slamming into his, hitting his prostate on every thrust.

Sauli slipped a hand between their bodies and wrapped his fingers around his cock, stroking himself to a much-needed orgasm. Coming with Adam buried deep inside of him felt like euphoria, and Sauli didn't care how cheesy that sounded.

And Adam looked so gorgeous like this, with his chest heaving and his hair starting to fall on his forehead with the weight of sweat and pleasure written all over his face.

After a couple of jerky, erratic thrusts, Adam froze, buried balls-deep inside of Sauli. Sauli watched all the tension leave his face as he moaned a little louder than before, tossing his head back and exposing the long arch of his neck which glistened with a sheen of sweat.

_So fucking beautiful._

Adam let himself have his moment of utter bliss before he pulled out. He disposed of the condom and reached for the box of kleenex, taking some and handing Sauli a few.

Wiping what he could of the mess, Sauli realized he had to decide quickly whether to stay or leave. Before he could make that decision though, Adam gathered him in his arms and kissed him, gentle pecks that let him know it would be alright if he stayed.

 

~*~

 

Sauli nuzzled Adam's chest and sweetly rubbed his belly. It felt like he belonged right there, against Adam, holding him. But it was like Adam had completely disconnected, and Sauli had to look up to check if he had fallen asleep.

He wasn't. In fact, Sauli didn't think he'd seen him look so wide awake. He was staring at the ceiling blankly, not even batting an eyelash, arms above his head. He looked like he was on mental overdrive. Or maybe he was just waiting for Sauli to leave.

"Hey," Sauli whispered, "You alright?"

Adam blinked, like he just woke up from a trance.

"Of course," He said, pushing himself up. He sounded weird. Cold and unattached, and Sauli could only watch him as he grabbed his underwear from the floor near the end of the bed, and pulled them on.

"You're sure?" He asked when Adam grabbed the rest of his clothes, jerkily pulling them on.

"For the love of God, why wouldn't I be okay?" Adam snapped, buckling his belt. Sauli pushed himself off bed and started gathering his own clothes, because apparently he was overstaying his welcome.

"I don't know. Because we cuddle?" He suggested while pulling on his shirt, "I know you don't like to cuddle after sex, you said so before."

Adam sighed, running a hand through his hair. He looked exhausted, absolutely rundown, like he's had it with everything, and Sauli couldn't think of a reason why.

"It's not that I don't like it, it's just-" Adam said but he trailed off, retreating into his mind, "You know what, nevermind."

"Do you regret this?" Sauli asked, and he felt so pathetic for needing that reassurance.

Adam sighed again, running his hands down his face and rubbing tiredly at his eyes.

"I don't know." He mumbled.

~*~

Sauli couldn't stop thinking about Adam's weird behavior. Everything had seemed so good but then it just wasn't, because Adam decided it would be great fun to flip a 180 for no apparent reason.

Or that was how Sauli saw it.

So he buried himself in work to distract himself from that line of thought. His morning was full of colds, flus, chest pains and one trauma patient who was currently under surgery.

"He kept purring and begging until I gave in, or more like, until I couldn't resist anymore." Sauli groaned and poked his food around with his fork. He had no idea why he was talking about this with Alisan and Caroline, but maybe they could help him understand Adam's behavior.

They've known him for a long time, after all, and they might know what made him tick.

"Wait, _he_ begged you?" Caroline asked.

"Well, yeah." Sauli nodded, pursing his lips.

"No, like actually _begged_ you? Not just lured you in?" She asked with a bemused chuckle.

"No, he actually said _please_ , if that makes any difference." Sauli told her and frowned, "Why?"

Caroline and Alisan exchanged that wordless look again and Sauli didn't understand a damn thing. The whole ER was a nut fest.

"If Dr. Lambert _begged you_ , consider yourself special." Caroline finally said.

"Really?" Sauli asked, and he hated how hopeful he sounded.

He certainly didn't see how he could be anything special compared to Adam's other fuck buddies, especially since they all seemed to know what buttons to push to make him sound like- like he had all those other nights Sauli had to listen, and then when they had slept together, Adam was  early silent, every little sound so soft it nearly went unheard.

That sound thing was really messing with his head.

"Now, don't hold your breath," Alisan pointed out gently, pushing her empty soup plate aside to grab her sandwich.

"He's just so complicatrd and hard to read, you know. First he's really nice and then he spins a 180 into full out asshole mode without telling me why," Sauli said in exaspiration, not caring how he probably looked like a 5 year-old pouting.

"What do you mean?" Alisan asked.

"He was very distant last night. After we... _You know_. I asked him if he was okay and he just told me to let it go, and this morning he didn't bother to say anything, not even good morning. I'm amazed he actually gave me a ride here and didn't ditch my ass."

"I told you you shouldn't get too involved," Caroline said and got up, taking her tray, "I need to get back to work."

Sauli was quiet for a second, waiting until Caroline was out of earshot before he asked,

"Does she hate him?"

Alisan chuckled, shaking her head.

"No, of course not. She might be a little bitter that she doesn't have a chance with him but she doesn't hate him," She said, "It's very hard to hate him."

It was so hard to believe that, yet so damn easy. Adam was absolutely charming when he wasn't in bitch mode, which seemed to be directed a lot at him, the charm and the bitchiness both.

"Has he ever tried it? Sleeping with a woman, I mean."

Alisan laughed again, "Honey, Adam is my best friend, but I don't keep track of his sex life, and he hasn't been much of a talker lately."

There was a wistful note in her voice.

"He has tried it, yes. But he's completely on your side of the field." Alisan winked and wiped her mouth with her napkin, "You done?"

Sauli nodded, and they left the staff cafeteria together, but had to go in seperate ways because Alisan had her own patients. He was going to miss her when she returns to the gynaecological room.

"You got anything for me?" Sauli asked Marie, leaning against the desk.

Marie browsed through the list on her computer and hummed,

"Well, there's always the cold."

Sauli groaned,

"Anything else? I'm tired of just examining sore throats and listening to lungs."

"We've all been there," Came Dr. Spencer's voice behind him, "Just wait until you're a resident you'll be wishing you were a student again."

"I find that hard to believe." Sauli said, turning around to look at Terrance.

"You'll see." He smiled, "You want to have a lunch?"

"Nah, I just came from my lunch break."

"Well, there's a 5-year-old boy in Exam 3. He needs some stitching up." Marie finally said, looking up from her computer.

"I don't think Adam would appreciate me touching his patients," Sauli murmured but straightened up anyway, "He probably-"

"Dr. Lambert has every right to monitor his students, but his job is to teach them, not forbid them from learning." Came an unfamiliar voice from somewhere behind Sauli, and he and Terrance and Marie all turned to look at the owner.

It was a woman in her mid-forties, wearing a white coat and glasses.

"And if you need supervising with a certain patient, you are allowed, actually you _should_ ask for the help of any resident or attending if Dr. Lambert isn't around." She continued and stepped closer to shake Terrance's hand, "Angelina Harrison, the new chief of Emergency medicine."

"Terrance Spencer, surgical resident."

"Nice to meet you, Dr. Spencer" She said with a surprisingly gentle smile, and moved to shake Sauli's hand, "And you're the new med student."

"Yeah, Sauli Koskinen, third year med student." Sauli smiled.

"Wonderful. And Dr. Lambert is your supervisor?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Ah, no need for all this formality, let's try to keep the work enviroment relaxed and laid back yet be strict when necessary." She said, "You take on that patient in Exam 3 and ask help if you need, although, I do believe you can manage just fine."

She tapped Sauli's shoulder and passed him, and Sauli gaped at her retreating back. He had expected the new chief to be more bitchy or at least older. But who knew, first impressions aren't always right.

Actually, they rarely are.

Sauli wasn't the only one who looked surprised, Terrance and Marie looked just as shocked.

"Well, maybe we won't die after all." Terrance chuckled, "I'll go back upstairs now. Tell people to page me if they need me."

"Sure will!" Marie yelled after him and returned her attention to Sauli, "Just take the kid, I'm sure Adam won't mind."

Sauli nodded and made his way to Exam 3, only to find Adam already suturing up the boy.

"See? It doesn't hurt all." Adam said in that caring, child-like tone he used when treating kids, his back turned to the door. Sauli didn't say anything, afraid he might spook or startle Adam and would end up poking the boy with the needle in the wrong way.

The kid's mother noticed him standing there and Sauli mouthed his apology and stepped out of the room. Adam didn't even let Marie know he had taken the kid, like he didn't want people, didn't want _Sauli_ , to know where he was.

Sauli patiently waited outside until the boy and his mother left, then he ducked back inside, closing the door behind him.

"Why didn't you let Marie know you're already here?" He asked, making Adam jump. He tossed his gloves in the trash and glanced briefly at Sauli then looked away, as if he couldn't stand to look at him.

"I had my lunch break and I saw a hysterical mother with a crying kid come in, so I took them immediately." Adam stated, putting his supplies back in their place. That was the nurses' job, but apparently, Adam had decided to go all solo.

"Don't lie to me. If that was the case, Marie wouldn't even have the information," Sauli crossed his arms, "Why are you trying to avoid me?"

Adam snorted, looking down at Sauli with that cockiness.

"Don't flatter yourself, I have no reason to avoid you." He gritted firmly, and he looked too worked up for that statement to be true.

"Then why can't you act like an adult and a responsible doctor?" Sauli demanded, and Adam rolled his eyes in pure mockery, "You've been acting weird since last night, so how about you fill me in?"

"My life is none of your business." Adam grumpled, edging closer to back Sauli up against the wall.

"It begins to be my business when you start acting like a pissed off kid for no apparent reason but your own screwed up mood swings, and refuse to mentor me at work. Because that's being a lousy teacher." Sauli said, backing up again when Adam hovered closer, like he was trying to intimidate him.

He was flush against the wall now, trapped between brick and flesh.

"You're just a student," Adam hissed, placing his hands against the wall on on either side of Sauli's head, "So don't tell me how to do my job, because I'm the doctor here."

"Then start acting like it." Sauli hissed lowly. He nudged Adam on his chest to push him away, but Adam growled and pushed him back, bringing their mouths together in a bruising kiss.

Sauli moaned, his eyes widening in shock before falling shut in bliss, his arms circling around Adam's waist to hold him.

Adam licked his mouth open then pushed his tongue inside, the kiss so raw and desperate.

Adam's hands trailed down Sauli's back to his ass the back up to his shoulders, and into his hair, making him whimper as he yanked his hair to tilt his head back and deepen the kiss.

Sauli squeezed Adam's sides, sliding his hands underneath the fabric of his shirt. His fingertips dug into the flesh and nearly _scratched_ the skin of Adam's back because he was so fucking pissed off.

Adam panted heavily into the kiss, moaning almost. Sauli didn't pretend he knew every sound Adam made after sleeping with him only once, but the groan that left his lips wasn't all pleasure.

It sounded like he was suddenly in pain and he pulled away with noticable struggle, like his body and mind were at war.

Sauli stood frozen against the wall as Adam rushed away, and after recovering from the shock of what just happened, Sauli followed him out,

"What the hell is your problem?" He yelled after Adam, who didn't even glance back, just kept walking, while everyone else in the lobby; Doctors, nurses, patients stared at him wide-eyed.

"Uh- My apologies," Sauli said with a shaky smile, hoping to diffuse the piercing stares. It worked on everyone, except one.

Caroline stood near the door, carrying a full box of medicine to the storage room, shooting a questioning look at Sauli.

"What the hell is _your_ problem?" She hissed.

"A very complicated, self-centered pediatrician called Adam," Sauli hissed back, "He drives me _mad_ "


	7. Love hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam is like a drug to Sauli. Sauli is ready to give up but Alisan has something to tell him...

Sauli fumbled on his feet when someone ran past him to Trauma 2. It was one crazy morning; trauma patients kept coming and the lobby was full of people complaining about prolonged coughs, twisted ankles, sprained wrists and everything else between.

Sauli was taking a break outside, smoking a cigarette. He took a slow drag, held it in for a few seconds then blew it out, watching the smoke curl. It was a habit he couldn't get rid of.

A car driving to the yard caught his attention. _The driver must be drunk_ he thought, and then remembered where he was and realised that whoever was behind the wheel was or in a rush to get to the hospital.

Sauli stomped his cigarette and ran over to the car, watching as a hysterical young man stepped out from the driver's seat.

"My girlfriend, she- I think she's in labor." He panted, grabbing the handle of the backseat door and yanking it open, looking at Sauli frantically. The first look got Sauli a full frontal view of a baby's head crowning.

"Oh," Was all he could say and he looked around for someone, _anyone_ , more experienced than he was.

"Aren't you going to do something, doctor?" The man asked desperately, yelling almost.

"Of course." Sauli reassured, propping the lady's legs up, "What's your name?" he asked while pulling a pair of gloves from his pocket to put them on. He had to work fast.

"Maureen," She said through her pants, "Is he coming out now?"

"Yes," Sauli said, keeping his tone gentle, "Okay, Maureen, I need you to push during the next contraction. It'll be over before you know it."

Or so Sauli hoped. He really, really hoped there wouldn't be any complications.

"You," Sauli said to the man, "Go inside and tell them there's a delivery outside. I need help."

It wasn't hard to figure out when the next contraction came, and Sauli prepared to support the baby's head, carefully guiding it out as the mother's body did the work.

Sauli nearly slumped in relief when the baby finally slipped out, a healthy flush on his skin, and he was moving.

"Time of birth 10.47 a.m." Sauli declared as he glanced his watch, then grabbed a towel that was discarded on the back seatt and wiped the baby down, including his mouth. He knew it stimulated the breathing, and a few seconds later the baby was crying.

Sauli let out a shuddering breath, not able to help the happy grin. He was still running high on adrenaline, and he felt like he was in a haze. Did he really deliver a baby for the first time and all by himself?

Sauli carefully placed the baby on the mother's chest, and noticed the father running over with a few nurses and Alisan.

"Did you deliver the baby?" Alisan asked and peeked inside the car, smiling when she saw a healthy baby boy and a happy mother. She then moved aside so the nurses could help the mother on the wheelchair.

"I really did." Sauli grinned, sobering up enough to remember to pull off his gloves and toss them in the trash can nearby, "I'm so happy it was a simple delivery. And _fast_. If the baby was breech or something, I-"

"But he wasn't, not this time." Alisan reassuredd, "You're a med student, and you did great. Even though it was simple, you should be proud of yourself."

"Thank you," Sauli smiled.

"Go inside and change your clothes; you're a bit messy. We'll take it from here." Alisan said then, squeezing Sauli's shoulder. Sauli nodded, turning to head back inside when someone grabbed his hand. He turned back around to see the new mother holding onto his hand.

"Thank you." She said simply, giving him a small smile.

"You're very welcome." Sauli said. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and finally left the parking lot. He could only smile to himself at the few _'what the hell happened to you?'_ looks he received because of his bloody coat and shirt.

He found a new coat in the storage room and pulled it on after changing into a clean shirt he had left in his locker for emergencies then diposed the dirty clothes in the laundry and went back to the main lobby.

He was frustrated that Adam was nowhere to be seen. He wanted to _learn_ something new other than how to insert an IV, how to intubate, and how to examine a normal cold or a flu patient.

He wanted more than that. Alisan had showed him so much about her work, so why couldn't Adam act like an actual adult and do the same instead of just avoiding him like the plague?

_Speaking of the devil._

"But doctor, I'll be 18 in just a few months."

"Sweety, that doesn't change the fact that I'm still a doctor and you're still a patient. I'm 32 and you're 17." Adam explained, writing something in a file on top of the desk without bothering to look at her.

Sauli stood on the other side of the desk, exchanging a look with Marie, who only shrugged at him.

The girl sighed dramatically, "No one ever likes me..."

Adam looked up at that and regarded the girl with a gentle look,

"I think you're really beautiful. If I was, like, around your age and straight, or at least bisexual, I would like you." He said and Sauli watched a smile immediately light up her face.

"Really?"

"Really." Adam confirmed. He looked genuine, not like he was just saying the words to make her feel better, "Besides, you deserve someone better than me. I'd be no good for you." He added and went back to his file.

He startled badly, though, eyes wide in shock when the girl barelled into him and gave him a crushing hug before skipping away with a giggle.

Sauli huffed a little.

_Didn't take a lot for her to become happy._

He wished it was that simple for him.

"Dr. Heartbreaker, there are several child patients in line. Where have you been all morning?" Marie asked Adam.

"Racing between the Traumas." He groaned, like it was just something she should've known, "Half the unit is on a sickleave and I have to tear everywhere? There are interns too, you know."

"There really isn't." Marie frowned sadly, "I'm sorry."

Adam groaned again, stretching his arms and moaning a little when his back popped. He looked really exhausted, and Sauli felt bad for him. He was still mad at him for sending out all those mixed signals, but he didn't want to see him work himself to the ground, either.

"And where have you been?" Adam asked Sauli.

"I was right there with you." Sauli said, frowning.

"Oh,"

"Then he delivered a baby in the parking lot." Marie told Adam and Sauli watched as he cocked his eyebrow like he wasn't that impressed. He probably wasn't.

"Was the baby breech?"

"No," Sauli replied, frown deepening, "It was a normal delivery, just a little fast."

"Oh, wow, you must be so thrilled. Because delivering a baby isn't something we get to do nearly every day." Adam mocked, his voice dripping with sarcasm, and Sauli grinded his teeth together in annoyance, "My first delivery was a breech who actually got stuck in the birth canal with the oxygen levels decreasing and I got her out all healthy."

Sauli huffed.

"Did you just really say that?" Marie asked with a frown, but Adam just shrugged nonchalantly, "Don't be an ass."

"Oh, my heart's breaking." Adam murmured, rolling his eyes.

Marie gave Sauli an apologetic look, but he shook it off. It wasn't like he expected anything else out of Adam.

"What's up with the kids?" Adam asked then and straightened up.

"Abdominal pain and tenderness, headache from a fall and foot pain, probably a twisted ankle." Marie listed.

Adam hummed distractedly, nodding.

"Where's the abdominal pain kid?"

"Curtain 2."

"Right," Adam said and tapped his fingers against the desk in decision, "I'll take that one. Sauli, you take that headache patient. Might be a concussion."

"Sure." Sauli squeezed out, trying to sound nice through the withering look he was throwing at Adam. It was so intense he might end up killing him.

"Great. And Marie, page someone, page _anyone_ to take that hurt foot." Adam told her and turned away from the desk, and Sauli hated himself a little because he couldn't help but stare.

"He might be an ass, but he got a cute tush." Marie winked.

Sauli tore his eyes off and glared at Marie.

"I am painfully aware of that." Sauli grumpled, "Which room?"

"Curtain 4."

"Thanks." Sauli said and ignored her mischievous smile. He was going to have a few words with Alisan and Caroline about spreading things about him and Adam.

Or maybe he was just simply too obvious.

~*~

Apparently, the new head of the ER couldn't tolerate the fact that Sauli and Adam didn't seem to get along. She didn't need to see a lot to tell there was some unresolved tension between them.

In the Trauma, for the first time, Sauli felt like he could handle the gruesome sight without feeling nauseous. But after he intubated the patient, Adam had pushed him aside, telling him, not so kindly, to stay out of his way.

Which was exactly why Sauli was now standing in Exam 4 with Adam and Dr. Harrison, the chief of ER.

"Things can't go on like this." Dr. Harrison said, shaking her head in disappointment, "You're jeopardizing patient care, and you don't even notice it. How come you two can't even fit in the same Trauma?"

Sauli didn't have an answer, so he glanced at Adam because he was the one making things difficult.

He didn't say anything either.

"I know your reputation, Dr. Lambert; you've been one of the finest yet most strict teachers the unit has had. But this morning, I just didn't see anything remotely close to that." Dr. Harrison said, looking at them both.

"We needed to work fast or the man would've died, and Mr. Koskinen was only in my way." Adam stated calmly, almost an arrogant sneer, and Sauli wanted to punch that look right off his face, "And last time I checked, I am responsible of my med students and if he would have done-"

"You were there, Dr. Lambert!" Dr. Harrison interrupted, her voice louder and more frustrated, "How do you expect him to learn how to work in such situations if you don't give him a chance to try? He was surrounded by experienced doctors, they wouldn't have let him do anything fatal."

Adam crossed his arms and snorted humorlessly. He was probably embarrassed for being told off like that in front of him.

"I did what I believed was best."

"I was there too, Dr. Lambert, and last time I checked my authority surpasses yours." Dr. Harrison said firmly, "I will not tolerate such behavior from you, so don't try to test my patience."

Adam looked like he wanted to argue but then he just nodded, defeated, the muscles in his jaw clenched so tight Sauli thought they might snap. Dr. Harrison was a small woman but apparently you don't mess with her.

Sauli felt his own cheeks flush and not in the good way. Even though he enjoyed seeing Adam squirm, he also didn't need to see _that_. He's never been one of those people who waste their energy on hating others, even those who deserved it.

"Good. Because I would hate to report you for workplace bullying." She finished and turned to walk out of the room.

Adam quickly stepped after her, stopping her near the door.

"I wish you to never talk to me like that in front of a student." Adam said in a quiet tone, clearly intending Sauli not to hear him, but he still did.

"Then don't give me a reason to tell you off again under any circumstances." She said and walked away.

Adam sighed heavy.

"Are you happy now?" He asked.

"Excuse me?" Sauli asked, blinking.

"For getting me in trouble?" Adam asked, his eyebrows furrowed further together than normal.

Sauli huffed out an amused chuckle, shaking his head. He crossed his arms and started back into Adam's piercing eyes,

"You're unbelievable. You know she was there to see it with her own eyes, I didn't go crying to her."

"Well, if you weren't there at all, none of this would've happened!"

"I really don't understand you." Sauli stated. He walked past Adam, hitting him hard with his shoulder. Intentionally.

"I really don't understand you, either." Adam said and yanked Sauli back by his arm.

"What exactly don't you understand about me?" Sauli asked, pulling his arm out of Adam's hold.

Adam's eyes were like a hurricane. Sauli felt his guts seize and he swallowed nervously, fighting the urge to drop his gaze. He didn't want to give Adam that satisfaction.

Adam yanked him against his chest and before he could react, Adam's lips were on his. Adam was like this drug you crave to get a hit from; but once you've fallen, you realise it will only feel good for a moment and then you will end up feeling worse, but you just can't stop coming back for more.

"I can't understand," Adam panted into the kiss, pushing Sauli against the wall non-too-gently, "How you can be such a pain in my ass yet I can't resist you no matter how hard I try."

Sauli growled, tugging on Adam's bottom lip with his teeth then sinking them into the delicate flesh, a little harder than necessary.

"I could ask you the same thing." Sauli hissed, reaching up to sink his fingers into Adam's fluffy hair. He tugged on the silky strands, but Adam only moaned, like it excited him more.

"Why do you do this?" Sauli asked between the heated kisses, "Do you get some sick satisfaction from making me suffer?"

Adam hoisted him up and his legs automatically went around his hips.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Adam said, panting against Sauli's wet lips, "You're not worth it."

"Why do you hate me so much?"

Adam didn't say anything, just spun Sauli around and dropped him on the bed in the middle of the room, then crawled on top of him.

He was a med student, being manhandled by his mentor, in a freakin' hospital room. Kinky.

"What kind of sick satisfaction do you get from making me suffer?" Sauli asked again, pushing Adam off his lips and holding his head still, "Is it really that fun to you to take advantage of my feelings?"

But Adam only remained silent as he grabbed Sauli's hands and pushed them against the pillow. Why does he have to be so damn _difficult_? He can't communicate like a normal human. And Sauli can't think like a normal person in his intoxicating presence.

Adam shoved his tongue inside his mouth and rubbed up against him. Sauli was dizzy with arousal and he cursed himself for being so smitten.

Adam released Sauli's hands and Sauli put them to use right away, pushing Adam's shirt out of the way and going for his belt buckle.

His hand was just about to dive in when, suddenly, there was talking behind the door.

"...wait in here, Mrs. Roberts, the doctor should be with you soon."

They jerked apart, barely able to stand up when the door opened, revealing Caroline with an elder woman.

Caroline's glare went from Sauli to Adam and down to his crotch, her eyes narrowed as Adam turned his back to them to buckle his belt.

"What would have you done with the patient?" Adam asked, his voice low, and wiped the corner of his mouth.

Sauli paused for a second before he realized Adam was talking about the trauma patient.

"His lung collapsed soon after intubation, so I would've inserted a chest tube through the chest wall to re-expand the lung." Sauli explained and Adam paused, his lips pursed, before he nodded, "I don't know how to insert a chest tube, but I could've at least watched."

He knows the steps in theory, but Adam was there and he could've guided him through it like he did when he intubated his first trauma patient.

"Caroline, this room is taken." Adam pointed out and she crossed her arms and arched her eyebrows at him.

"Is it now?"

Sauli was a little taken aback at the contempt he heard in her voice. She really is bitter about not pinging Adam's radar.

The elder woman laughed in a gentle, granny-ish way and glanced at him and Adam like she knew exactly what they had just interrupted.

"Oh, I'm sure there are other spare rooms." She said, glancing at Caroline.

"Mrs. Roberts, they can continue their business somewhere else." Caroline told her and cut Adam a glare. Sauli frowned a little.

"Indeed we can." Adam said and gave the old lady a sweet smile as he passed her. Sauli quickly followed him before he died of embarrassment.

Once they were in the hallway, Adam stopped walking all of a sudden and turned around. Sauli ended up leaning back a little to look at him because he was following so close behind.

"Usually chest tubes are inserted by surgeons or someone who specializes in lung diseases, but in emergencies other doctors can perform a chest tubation if necessary." Adam said calmly and Sauli could only look at him like an idiot, "Now stop bugging me."

~*~

The next day Sauli worked a 10h shift and all he wanted was to go home, have a hot shower, eat and then faceplant into bed. His bubble dream burst though when his shift stretched another 2 hours.

When he finally got home Sauli still had the energy to go through the intestines chapter in his book; Possible diseases, infection, chronic conidtions, their causes, symtomps, treatments etc.

But of course Adam was being Adam; having obnoxiously loud sex behind the wall. If Sauli didn't know any better, he would think there was some porn movie shooting going on; all the sounds were obscenely slutty, nothing like the ones Adam had made when they had sex.

And if that wasn't a jab...

With a sigh, Sauli grabbed his book and went to the kitchen.

He didn't imagine it would hurt this much, knowing Adam had just used him for sex like he does with everyone. And now he's ignoring him, like now that he got what he wanted there's no reason for him to be nice anymore.

Sauli heard Adam's bedroom door open, and he sank further into his chair. He has been reading the same sentence for a while now, unable to focus.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Adam walk into the kitchen, going for the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

Sauli didn't want to say anything to him, or even look up at him. Maybe Adam won't notice him that way.

"You're studying in the kitchen again." Adam stated, and the fucker knew exactly why. It's like he's intent on being as much of an ass as he could be.

"Better lighting." Sauli said flippantly and turned the page of his book.

"Makes sense." Adam said and walked around the table, standing behind Sauli, "You're still studying intestines?"

"Just testing myself now." Sauli told him and went rigid when he felt Adam lean down, his breath ghosting against the back of his neck.

"You really know the theory stuff like the back of your hand."

"I know I do." Sauli said simply. Adam straightened up and moved to stand on the other side of the table infront of him, and Sauli gulped, looking up from loosely tied robe to the red, swollen lips and the mussed, soft hair.

"You seem a bit off." Adam stated.

Sauli huffed out a chuckle, "I'm just trying to study. And you're disturbing me." He said, fighting the urge to growl _'again'_.

"Oh."

Sauli rolled his eyes and shot up from his chair, glaring heatedly at Adam,

"Don't _'oh'_ me; you know _exactly_ what you're doing. I'm sick of hearing your obscene moans and things banging behind my wall."

A weird look passed in Adam's eyes but it was quickly gone, leaving that smug look that Sauli was beginning to hate.

"This is my house." Adam said, casually sipping his water as if that justified everything.

"Oh, I know." Sauli sneered deprecatingly, "And I'm not going to stay here bothering you. Give me a week and I'll be gone."

Sauli didn't know how he said that. Or _why_? He was living with Adam because he couldn't find a place cheap enough.

"And where would you go?" Adam asked, crossing his arms.

"Anywhere is better than here." Sauli told him and slammed his book shut, gathering the rest of his stuff.

"Fine." Adam snapped, uncrossing his arms, "If you want to leave, I can't stop you."

_'Of course you wouldn't. You got what you wanted and now you want nothing to do with me'_

"Good." Sauli said, trying to seem non-chalant. He turned away to hide the disappointment on his face, but couldn't help but glance at Adam when he brushed past him and into his bedroom.

Well, he wasn't going to stick around to listen to his sweet sounds, so he grabbed his keys and jacket, put on his shoes and left the flat.

~*~ 

Sauli came back home around 1.30 a.m. The unfamiliar pair of shoes was under the coat rack, and Sauli rolled his eyes in pure annoyance then immediately regretted it when he felt the room spin. He was more than a little tipsy.

Adam must have heard him come back because he came out of his bedroom, wearing a pair of sweats and a loose top.

"Have you been drinking?" Adam asked with a frown, scrunching his nose when he was close enough, "My God, you reek of alcohol."

Sauli snorted, faltering a little when he yanked his boot off his foot, but Adam quickly caught him.

"That's really none of your business." Sauli spat out and pushed Adam aside non-too-gently as he stumbled his way to the fridge to get a bottle of water, "I think I'm allowed to have a drink or two when I want."

Adam followed him into the kitchen and flicked the light on.

"Did you walk home?" He asked, "You have work tomorrow. You should be more responsible than that."

"Why do you suddenly care how I got home?" Sauli asked, sipping his water, "But, unlike you, I'm actually nice so I'll answer; a friend drove me home."

Sauli slammed the bottle down on the counter and groaned quietly at Adam. He blinked a few times as Adam took a step closer.

"Was he drunk too?" Adam asked.

Sauli wrestled his keys out of his pocket and put them on the counter, chuckling and shaking his head.

What kind of interrogation is that?

"He had, like, one drink, I dunno." Sauli mumbled.

"So he was drunk?" Adam pressured, his eyebrows furrowing further together, "Shouldn't you know better than to let drunken friends get behind the wheel?"

"He had one drink at, like, 10 or something!" Sauli snapped, irritated, "And stop with all the questions, you're not my father." he added.

"It's not just your life that's in danger while under the influence, it's other people's too." Adam stated heavily and moved closer. Sauli looked up at him with an amused expression.

Is Adam really having that conversation with him?

"Oh, you actually care about other people?" Sauli asked.

"You could have gotten hurt." Adam said.

Sauli snorted,

"And that must have been so awful for you. Last time I checked, you enjoyed playing with me." He said, jabbing a finger hard into Adam's chest and wobbling on his feet. Adam caught him by his elbows and sighed,

"You're making a fool out of yourself."

"Because I developed feelings for a self-centered asshole like you?" Sauli asked, yanking his arms out of Adam's hold, "I can't exactly disagree."

"No," Adam denied softly, like the words actually hurt him, "For being this drunk; you can barely stand."

Sauli growled and slammed both of his fists against Adam's chest, biting back his desperate sobs because he wasn't going to give Adam the satisfaction of seeing how much this all hurts him.

"You're a selfish bastard." He hissed, hitting Adam again, "Do you know how _normal people_ act when they find out someone likes them and the feelings aren't mutual? They say 'I'm sorry, but I don't think of you like that' and then they might offer friendship. That's _all_ I would have needed."

Sauli clutched the loose, thin fabric of Adam's shirt and stared at his chest so he wouldn't have to see his judgmental eyes, then he wished he had looked up when he noticed the love bites on his collarbones that made him clutch the fabric even harder in annoyance.

"Sauli, I-"

"Why did you have to lure me in your bed?!" Sauli yelled, looking into Adam's widened eyes in accusation and shaking him, "Why do you have to be like that?! You really can't love anyone but yourself, you sick, selfish _freak_!"

Sauli shoved him hard against the counter then turned away, wiping his eyes which were stinging badly.

"Is there a problem?" Came an unfamiliar voice and Sauli noticed a man leaning against the door of Adam's bedroom. He looked older than Adam's usual fucks, older than him. He was slim and taller than Adam, as well, and surprisingly, fully clothed.

"Yes, but it has nothing to do with you." Sauli spat out.

The man glanced at Adam questioningly.

"Everything is fine. I think you should go."

The man didn't argue, just nodded and grabbed his jacket, put on his boots and left the apartment.

"Who was he?" Sauli asked.

"A friend." Adam said. He sounded weird, like he could barely speak.

"You mean a fuck buddy?"

"No. A friend." Adam stated, "Come on, you should go to bed and sleep this off. You have an early morning tomorrow." he said and intended to grab Sauli's arm, but Sauli moved away.

"Don't touch me, I can walk by myself." He hissed and passed Adam, going to his bedroom with wobbly, unsteady feet. He slammed the door shut and leaned against it, taking deep breaths through his nose to calm himself down.

He sank down to the floor, hugged his knees to his chest and let the sobs escape.

~*~ 

Everything hurt. Physically and mentally.

It took a few tries to silence the alarm clock, and Sauli groaned misrably, barely able to push himself off the bed.

He groaned again, taking in a few deep breaths to calm himself. He really shouldn't have taken those last few shots.

He managed to get dressed without falling due to dizziness, and made his way to the bathroom. He flinched when he saw his reflection.

He peed, brushed his teeth and washed his face, but there was no getting rid of his ghostly reflection. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked all kinds of sick.

He left the bathroom and went into the kitchen, jumping when he saw Adam in the dim kitchen.

" _Fuck_ , is it so damn hard to turn the lights on?" Sauli asked, holding a hand over his rapidly beating heart.

"Thought it might hurt your eyes, but since you insist." Adam said and reached over to flick the light on.

Sauli winced, squeezing his eyes shut.

"You're not going to work like this." Adam informed and went for the med cabinet, shaking out a couple of ibuprofen for Sauli, "These should help with the headache. Drink plenty of fluids and try to sleep."

Sauli fell heavily into his chair and wrinkled his nose when he smelled Adam's omelet.

"Dr. Harrison won't like if I'm abscent because of a hangover." Sauli said.

"I can say you felt sick." Adam shrugged and dropped the pills on the table in front of Sauli. He handed him a bottle of water then sat back down on the table to finish his breakfast.

Sauli drank the pills and glanced at Adam, watching him for a few minutes. His eyes wouldn't leave his plate, even as he chewed, and he swallowed with difficulty, like he had a sore throat. His hands were trembling a little, too. Maybe that was why he was playing nice; maybe he's coming down with something and didn't have the energy to be an asshole.

"You don't have to save my ass."

"I know. I'm saving the patients' asses."

And here's the asshole Sauli knew. Just why would he give a flying fuck if Sauli got in trouble for this?

"I'm not staying home." Sauli argued.

"Well, I'm not letting you touch patients, either."

"I'm still going. You can keep an eye on me." Sauli mumbled and sipped his water.

"I'm always keeping an eye on you." Adam mumbled back, then sighed and got up from the table, putting his plate in the dishwasher.

"Hurry up; I'm leaving in 20 minutes."

 

After they arrived to the hospital, Sauli got his coat and stethoscope from his locker, but he ended up to the lounge, sipping water to make his nausea go away faster.

"He's giving me mixed signals. First he wants me, then he's being an ass, then he kisses me again, then he snaps at me for having a few drinks. Then even worse when he heard my driver had also been drinking. It was just one drink, for fuck's sake." Sauli groaned, " _One_."

Alisan and Caroline exchanged a wordless look again. This time it wasn't an _'oh my God'_ kind of look, it was a... Sauli wasn't really sure what it was. It was different, more serious.

"Has Adam ever talked to you about... Noah?" Alisan asked, a little quiet, like it was some kind of secret.

Sauli frowned, shaking his head.

"Who's Noah?"

"You're on your own, Al." Caroline said to Alisan who just nodded. Caroline left the lounge room but at the same time a doctor, Sauli can't remember his name, entered.

"Let's go outside." Alisan said and tugged him along with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize. I am not very satisfied with the last three chapters.


	8. Tell me where it hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Alisan tells something about Adam's past, Sauli has a new level of understanding for Adam.

Sauli and Alisan went outside through one of the back doors and found a bench nearby.

"So?" Sauli asked impatiently once they sat down. He couldn't help but have an unsettling feeling in his stomach about this whole thing, "Why are we here?"

Alisan sighed, a long exhalation like she was mentally preparing herself for whatever she had to tell him.

"I've known Adam since med school. I was a second year student when he started school there and we met in one of the campus' parties. We got along really well and we became very close. Over the years, I've seen his ambition, his ups and downs, his everything, the good and the bad." Alisan explained and Sauli swallowed around a lump in his throat. He couldn't help but feel like this story was going to turn very bad very soon.

He could feel it in his guts.

"And I love him more than I can put into words. Along with my husband and kids, he's my favorite person in the entire world." Alisan smiled, "And I wouldn't say this if he really was as big of an asshole as you think he is."

Right, Alisan is married. And she has kids, too. Sauli wonders how she had the time to fall in love and have a family during her residency, but he admires her for it.

"We've always felt comfortable sharing things and talking to each other. But Adam hasn't breathed a word about you to me, and yet, you keep telling me how much of a jerk my best friend is." Alisan said and Sauli rubbed the back of his neck, feeling embarrassed.

"Sorry."

"Don't be. I know he's been unfair to you and trust me, I've tried my best to get him to stop." Alisan said with conviction, "But what you say and think about him is simply not true. That's just not him."

Sauli wanted to believe, he knew he should, but he simply couldn't. With the way Adam had been treating him, what was he supposed to think? And it wasn't his job to keep up with Adam's mood swings. He couldn't even read him, and he was a fairly good judge of character.

He just wasn't expecting to develop feelings for Adam or get involved in his personal life. He never should have moved in with him in the first place because that was when the problems started.

"You think he enjoys playing with your feelings, but after knowing him for over 10 years I find that very hard to believe." Alisan pressured.

"He was nice to me until he got me into his bed, so what else am I supposed to think?" Sauli snapped, because he really couldn't understand where Alisan was headed with all this. It seemed that the Adam she knew was the complete opposite of the Adam he knew, and he doesn't know what to think anymore.

He'd get over it at some point, no heart ache is beyond repair, after all.  But that doesn't mean he wants to feel the pain.

"That he really likes you." Alisan said softly, reaching out to touch Sauli's knee, "He just doesn't want you to know."

"Right, and I'm the new President of the United States." Sauli said, rolling his eyes as he slumped against the wall behind them.

"You should really cut him some slack," Alisan defended sharply, "You know Adam was engaged once. Noah died in a car accident almost two years ago."

"Oh." Sauli didn't know what else to say. His head was spinning, and he was more than a little shocked, not only because Adam had obviously been in a serious, long-term relationship, but because he hadn't been expecting _that_ , that Adam was dealing, or not dealing, with loss, "That's... Wow. I didn't expect that."

"That's why he was so worked up over one beer, because the driver who smashed into Noah's car was driving under the influence." Alisan explained and Sauli was only able to nod.

"Was Adam-"

"No. He was here at the hopsital when they brought him in. He died in his hands. I don't think I'll ever forget the look on his face when Noah flatlined. We did everything we could, _he_ did everything he could, but he still wanted to try. He kicked us all out of the Trauma then he stayed there for over an hour trying to revive him."

Sauli felt his chest clench. He held a hand over his mouth, still trying to process the horror of the situation.

"That's horrible." He finally choked out.

Alisan nodded, her eyes a little moist.

"Adam had his own ways to deal with his loss. Some people drink, some people close themselves off to the world and grieve alone, some people talk. Adam had sex." She told Sauli, her eyes faraway, "I still don't understand why he does it when he obviously can't stand an affectionate touch. It's like he feels like he doesn't deserve it. I think over time it just became a habit he can't shake off."

"I called him a sick, selfish freak." Sauli said blankly, the regret making him feel nauseous. He couldn't imagine how much his words must've hurt Adam after he learned all this.

"I think he gets that a lot from his boys, not necessarily in those specific words, but he's had his fair share of people calling him selfish and narcissistic and emotionless." Alisan said with a sad chuckle, "But the difference between their words and yours is that I believe Adam cares about your opinion. He doesn't want you to think he's a bad person."

Sauli let out a long breath, rubbing his face.

"I feel so bad about last night. He was acting so weird this morning, and I thought he was maybe coming down with something and just didn't have the energy to be his usual asshole self." Sauli chuckled humorlessly, "I didn't even think that my words would have hit him."

"That's Adam for you." Alisan sighed, "He thinks too much and he pretends like he doesn't care, but deep down I thinks he feels everything a little too much." Alisan got off the bench and turned to look at him, "You should talk to him once you go home, break that negative tension between you, even if it doesn't lead you anywhere."

~*~ 

Sauli's mind was occupied for the rest of the day while treating a severly injured, troubled young adult who had tried to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge, with Terrance and a few other nurses. And then later when a car crash victim came in in need of an intubation.

Terrance had been paged upstairs for a surgery just minutes before, leaving Sauli alone with the nurses.

He intubated the patient successfully while Caroline called the attending, but his mind wouldn't stop whirring as he watched the crashing digits on the screen while he listened to the lungs and then noticed one of them had collapsed.

His hands were shaking as he grabbed for the chest tube and inserted it, despite Caroline's protests. The lump in his throat was so huge he could barely swallow, and he couldn't help but think of what Alisan told him and wonder how much it had cost Adam to do whatever he had to do to someone he loved, someone he deemed important enough to spend the rest of his life with.

When Sauli came home that evening, he found Adam sprawled on the couch in the living room, flicking through the TV channels disheartenedly.

"It's not that amazing to shock someone back to life. We do that every day." Sauli heard Adam mumble, "And the chest tube incident was-"

"You can cut the crap already. Alisan told me about Noah." Sauli said and dropped his bag on the floor while kicking off his shoes.

"Oh."

Sauli bit his lip and walked over to the couch where Adam was slowly sitting up. He looked torn down and washed out, and Sauli didn't know what to say to that.

"I'm sorry about what happened." He finally said and sat on the couch next to Adam, watching him. Adam raised his bare feet on the couch and hugged his knees to his chest, just humming.

"And I'm sorry for what I said last night." Sauli added, "I was mad and I didn't mean-"

"You don't have to apologize me. You didn't do or say anything I didn't deserve." Adam said with a little humorless smile. Sauli wanted to take that look off his face, because it didn't belong there. Adam was supposed to look cocky and bitchy and not- not like this. Sauli didn't know this version of him, he didn't know how to deal with it.

"After Noah passed I haven't developed romantic feelings for anyone. Not until you came along."

Sauli blinked, looking at Adam incredulously,

"What did you just say?"

Adam sighed, glancing at Sauli with a dull expression on his face.

"Don't make me say it again."

Sauli only cocked his eyebrows. He didn't want to push Adam too far, not after finding out about his past. Right now it felt like if he even poked him, he would break and turn to dust.

"Okay, fine!" Adam finally squeaked, looking more than a little defeated, "So I have... Kind of a crush on you."

Sauli shook his head, still not comprehending, but his chest was swelling up with an indescribable kind of bubbly happiness.

"Then why did you-"

"Because I was scared, all right!" Adam snapped before Sauli could even finish his question, "It wasn't until I slept with you that I... Sure, I knew there was something before, but the way you kissed me and touched me. It was all _so_ different."

Adam looked so small all of a sudden, and Sauli wanted nothing more than to comfort him but he didn't know how.

"I've been doing this for almost two years, started about a month after Noah died." Adam said, looking even smaller if it was possible, "I started having intimacy issues. I didn't feel good while cuddling or making eye contact during sex. I kick all my fucks out of the house so they would understand that sex is all I had to offer, and I do the doggy style to... To keep myself from seeing their faces so I could-"

Adam stopped mid-sentence and swallowed thickly. He looked embarrassed and way too vulnerable, and Sauli renained quiet and let him decide whether he wanted to keep talking or not, because he wasn't going to make him talk.

Even if he wanted to know everything.

"You insisted on missionary," Adam said on a choppy breath, dropping his previous sentence, but Sauli could simply guess how it was going to end, "And you wanted to _look_ at me and actually touch me."

"Sorry." Sauli said automatically.

"Stop saying that," Adam glanced at him, attempting a smile which fell before it had even formed, "I liked it. It felt good. I didn't feel uncomfortable making eye contact with you, during the act or when we cuddled afterwards. I just didn't want to believe I had any feelings for you."

Sauli wanted to take Adam's hand and hold it or touch him somehow, but he didn't dare to.

Adam let his head drop against the backrest of the couch with a heavy sigh.

"I became distant and bitchy to maybe convince myself _and_ you that I'm not worth it. I know Noah would've wanted me to move on and I have, I just haven't met anyone that touched my heart or moved me in that way, and now that I've found you... I don't know what to do with those feelings or how to even react."

"How do you feel like reacting?" Sauli asked softly.

Adam rolled his head to look at him, shifting a little closer. Sauli immediately felt drawn by his warmth and his delicious scent. He smiled a little when Adam grabbed his hand.

"I really don't know. All I know is that I don't want you to hate me."

Sauli chuckled softly, shaking his head,

"I don't hate you. I thought _you_ hated me."

Adam shook his head, "I could never hate you. I'm just so confused and afraid right now."

Sauli gently squeezed Adam's fingers.

"I get that. I'm not asking anything from you, except maybe to stop acting like an ass."

Adam chuckled, bowing his head in what Sauli thought was embarrassment and a little bit of shyness, and that little thing made him look so human.

"I was planning on doing so..." Adam bit his lip nervously, "Do you wanna...  See a picture of him?"

Sauli nodded encouragingly. If Adam wanted to talk about this, he was going to listen. This wasn't the usual 'talk about your ex' situation; it wasn't Adam's choice to end the relationship, it was a decision cruelly made for him and in the worst possible way.

Adam slid off the couch and pulled Sauli up with him, leading him to his bedroom. He went to his drawer and pulled out a few photographs, looking at them a little before handing them to Sauli.

The first photo made Sauli smile. It was Adam and obviously Noah, sitting on a garden swing, heads close, in the middle of a conversation and without even knowing they were being photographed.

That's what made it so real. No awkward posing, just reality.

Even though it was a little selfish to think about it, Sauli was happy to know he doesn't resemble Noah. It means that Adam likes him for him, not because he reminds him of what he lost.

"My mom took it," Adam said, "We got engaged that day."

"It's a beautiful picture," Sauli admitted quietly, "You both look so happy."

The next one was a posed selfie which Adam had taking, judging by the position of his arm.

"The night before the accident." Adam said and Sauli's eyes slowly searched for his, but Adam was looking down at the floor like he was remembering the night, "Just a few hours later we had a fight, over some stupid thing."

Sauli put the photos back in the drawer and slowly closed it, watching as Adam took a deep breath and raised his head a little. He looked at Sauli for a minute before escaping the eye contact again.

"I have the tendency to sulk like a kid and I sulked until the next morning. I drove to work alone that day. Usually we took the same ride because he worked in the restaurant near the hospital, but not that day. That day he drove to work by himself." Adam explained, the gloom in his eyes made Sauli's heart clench painfully.

Adam blinked a few times, tilting his head up to stare at the ceiling. His chest was heaving hard and Sauli was so close to telling him that they didn't have to talk about this now or never if Adam didn't want to.

"I was supposed to be in that car. I _should've_ been in that car with him." Adam whispered and swallowed convulsingly, but he might've as well screamed the guilt-laden words because they hit Sauli like daggers.

It was like Adam blamed himself fo what happened, and Sauli couldn't imagine the crushing weight of that.

"Eventually I found a way to go on without shutting it all out." Adam finally continued, "It's not easy, but you have to do what you have to do."

Sauli sighed heavily, trying to digest the things he just heard. Adam moved closer and dropped his head against his shoulder, like he was too tired to keep it up anymore, and Sauli couldn't help but gently stroke his back.

"I could fall in love again." Adam confessed, "But I get it if you'd rather ditch me."

Sauli's lips twitched into a small smile and he stopped the movement of his hand, resting it on the small of Adam's back instead.

"Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. I still have to work under your supervision."

"But you would ditch me if possible?" Adam asked, raising his head to gaze into his eyes, and the fear Sauli saw there hit him like a fret train.

He could hurt Adam so easily if he wanted.

"Love is quite a big word."

"I know," Adam said with a sad smile, "I know what I'm talking about. And I mean it. I am ready for a new chapter in my life."

Sauli sighed again, crossing his arms. It's ironic how two days ago he was ready to die for the chance to be with Adam.

And now that it's there, he's afraid to take that step.

"Are you still mad at me? Or is there something you're worried about?" Adam asked, tipping his head as he tried to look into Sauli's eyes but couldn't find the contact, "You don't have to feel like you're walking on eggshells."

Sauli shook his head,

"That's not what I'm worried about."

Adam caught Sauli's chin and tilted his head so he could look at him,

"Then what?"

"I don't know you at all." Sauli said simply, "Everything I thought you were turned out to be not true. And all those fuckboys, I just-"

"I get it." Adam whispered, cupping Sauli's cheeks, "But they don't mean a thing to me, they never have. I don't shiver when they touch me."

"What are you saying?" Sauli asked, reaching out to hold onto Adam's arms.

"I'm saying that I'm sorry for not telling you earlier, and I'm sorry for thinking that you can just forgive me." Adam said and pressed his forehead against Sauli's, "And I'm asking if I'm worth a chance."

"Are you?" Sauli fired back, because he didn't want to say 'I don't know'.

"I promise," Adam whispered, "I want to take you out on a real date."

Sauli chuckled,

"Oh, really now?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow right after work, I'm taking you out to dinner."

Sauli chuckled again then felt bad for it right away because Adam sounded so serious and sincere.

"Are you really the same guy who was having obnoxiously loud sex on purpose two days ago just to make me feel bad?"

Adam opened his mouth but nothing came out, not until Sauli spoke again.

"I cried my eyes out that night."

"You don't know how sorry I am," Adam whispered, sitting back on his bed, looking small and insecure again, "It was stupid and cold,"

Sauli pursed his lips. His heart was screaming for Adam but his head was trying to telling him to stay guarded.

"Give me some time to think about it." Sauli said and stepped closer to Adam, bending down to kiss his forehead, "Okay?"

Adam nodded smally.

"Sauli?" He called out before Sauli could leave the room.

"Yeah?"

"Very ballzy thing what you did with the chest tube today." Adam said, "I'm proud of you."

"Really?" Sauli squeaked in disbelief.

"You'll be a good doctor some day."

Sauli smiled,

"Thank you. I learn from the best."

~*~ 

Things were still a little tense between them at work the following day. Sauli wouldn't say it was bad but he had a harder time focusing now than before.

Every time he'd look at Adam, Adam would glance back at him and give that shy little smile that Sauli was beginning to love.

Adam didn't even flirt with anyone.

"He's very handsome." Sauli heard a voice say.

Oh right, he has a patient!

Sauli tore his eyes off Adam, who was fussing over a little girl in the opposite Curtain, and looked down at his elderly patient.

"He knows that." Sauli said and it took a couple of seconds to remember what was he doing. Judging by the curved needle in his hand and the cut in the lady's hand, he was probably suturing up a wound.

More like finishing it.

"There you go. Your hand will be just fine, Mrs. Peters, just avoid doing hard activities and use a plastic cover in the shower." Sauli smiled and tossed the needle as well as his gloves in the trash can, "Dr. Lambert, could you take a look?" he called out for Adam.

Adam came closer to eye the stitches, and nodded approvingly.

"Nice suturing, Mr. Koskinen. You can send her home." Adam said and gently squeezed his shoulder.

Sauli sent the elder woman home and made his way to the lounge room. It was empty, surprisingly, which meant no one had made any coffee.

Sauli left the coffee to brew and sat down to wait. He wasn't that surprised when Adam came in, smiling when he entered.

"A little girl just told me I have wrinkles." He said and went to the mirror hanging on the wall, "Do I really?"

"Not that I can see," Sauli chuckled, "Come closer and I'll take a look."

Adam looked at him through the mirror for a minute before he spun around and slowly walked to the chair where Sauli was sitting. Sauli was hypnotized by the smooth sway of his hips as he walked.

He yanked Adam down by the fashionable tie he had decided to wear today, and Adam chuckled, grabbing the armrests of the chair to keep from faceplanting into Sauli's lap.

"I don't see any wrinkles," Sauli said thoughtfully, "Just some smile lines."

"Just some smile lines, huh." Adam huffed with a small smile and tilted his head to kiss Sauli's lips. Sauli was surprised by the sudden, _chaste_ kiss, but melted into it within a few seconds.

He sighed dreamily, bringing his hands on either side of Adam's waist underneath his white coat.

Adam pulled away and gave Sauli a smile that made him feel all sorts of things all over his body.

"We don't need people to walk in on us again," Adam said as he straightened up but laced his fingers with Sauli's, "Have you talked to Caroline after she saw us, by the way?"

"Surprisingly, no. I haven't had time to chat with her." Sauli told him and didn't even bother trying to hide the way he eyed Adam's crotch. He, _it_ , was right there in front of his face so how could he not look?

Adam just smirked when he noticed, that familiar smug smirk that Sauli always hated. Adam's pager distracted the heated tension and he pulled it out of his pocket.

"They need me in the Trauma. I'll see you later," Adam said and shoved the pager back in his pocket. He bent down to give Sauli one more hurried kiss before he rushed away, and Sauli felt actual physical pain.

He didn't want to let Adam out his sight. Call him delusional, but can you blame him?

~*~

Sauli isn't sure how they ended up like this; lying down on his bed and just talking about life. He was pretty sure he was studying again when Adam had sneaked into his bedroom and crawled onto the bed with him.

Sauli just couldn't concentrate after that.

"And we had the aorta clamp in hand so we thought it's now or never."

Sauli was covering his mouth in shock. He had been both gasping and giggling during Adam's story and he was now positive his chest tube was nothing compared to some of Adam's solo moments during his time in med school.

"He survived." Adam added just in case Sauli thought he had killed someone because of his over-enthusiasm to help.

"You're crazy." Sauli concluded.

"A little bit. But crazy is really fun." Adam winked and Sauli suddenly grew painfully aware of how close they were.

His body was growing more alive, tingling where Adam's bare arm was touching his and where his leg was resting against his.

Adam tilted his head so he was looking at Sauli, and Sauli's eyes couldn't leave his. They had been like this a few times before, faces just inches away, but Sauli never had time to really look at him.

His eyes were drawn to the freckles on Adam's lips. He wanted to kiss those luscious lips so bad and take his time savouring them.

The doorbell broke his thoughts and he blinked, watching as Adam slowly pushed himself up.

"You're expecting someone?" Sauli asked.

"Not that I know. Maybe it's Mrs. Hannigan bringing cookies." Adam said as he left the bedroom. Sauli pushed himself up as well, listening as Adam opened the door behind the wall.

Sauli could immediately tell that it wasn't Mrs. Hannigan; she has an exceptionally loud voice that he would've heard the second the door was opened.

Sauli sat still, straining his ear to hear but couldn't. Adam came back into the room about a minute later.

"Who was it?" Sauli asked, and he couldn't keep the suspicious tone out of his voice.

"Someone I used to 'see' a lot." Adam told him and sat on the bed.

"And why not now?"

"Because I don't need that consolation anymore." Adam said quietly, shifting closer to Sauli, "I haven't needed it in a long time, but I saw no reason to grow out of it."

Sauli reached out touch Adam's thigh, and he imagined the skin burning underneath; the warmth against his palm felt overwhelming.

"So why now?"

"Because you're the only one I want." Adam said seriously.

"And how can I know you're serious?"

"You can't." Adam whispered, nuzzling the side of Sauli's face, "I'm not asking you to believe me, but I'm asking you to trust me. Please."

"Dr. Lambert, you're the mystery of the entire E.R." Sauli murmured, loosely wraping his arms around Adam's shoulders and tilting his head to align their mouths, "Or maybe you're just a mystery to me."

Adam smiled, gently pushing their lips together. Sauli sighed quietly, lying back on the bed and pulling Adam on top of him.

Sauli brought his hands down Adam's long, lean back, feeling the warm skin underneath the thin fabric of his top and the firm muscles beneath his fingertips.

Adam rolled them onto their sides, slipping his thigh between Sauli's legs. Sauli sighed when he felt Adam's leg rub his hardening cock and he dropped his hand on Adam's hip, sliding his palm underneath his shirt.

Adam moved against him, his vocal cords rumbling in quiet mewls and gasps, and they were the sweetest and hottest sounds Sauli has ever heard anyone make.

"Can I ask you a question?" Sauli asked, all but panting against Adam's lips.

"You just did." Adam chuckled, out of breath, "But yeah, of course."

Sauli slid his hand further up Adam's bare side,

"Was my first time with you bad?"

"What? No." Adam said right away but Sauli wasn't convinced and he probably didn't look like it either since Adam cupped his face, " _No_. My first time with you was the best sex I've had in years."

Sauli smiled a little, his fingers dancing on Adam's side and he noticed and felt how Adam twitched as his fingers trailed up and down. It seems Adam is quite ticklish.

"Honey, I don't consider myself a sex god, and I felt really nervous with you." Adam said and Sauli looked up at him in surprise.

Adam chuckled a little, dropping his hand down on Sauli's hip and curling his body so flush against him that there was absolutely no air left.

Sauli placed his wandering hand on Adam's chest and felt his surprisingly fast heart beat. Adam always appears cold and detached at work, no matter what he's doing so this - Sauli wasn't expecting this.

"Imagine that," Adam smiled dimly, "Just a human."

"I am very happy about this" Sauli informed and he would have looked Adam in the eyes, but it was impossible due to their current proximity.

"My heartbeat?"

"Your _fast_ heartbeat. I don't even have to be a doctor to know what it means. You're human, after all." Sauli smiled and swiped his thumb over Adam's nipple, feeling oddly fascinated when it tightened to a hard bud. Sauli bit his lip, pushing the shirt out of the way and lowered himself down, latching his mouth on the nipple.

Adam's back arched a little and his breath hitched as Sauli sucked on his nipple, and just that little sound made Sauli more eager.

He felt confident about this now. He knew more about Adam and his feelings.

Adam gently pushed him off his chest and rolled them around again. Their clothes came off piece by piece and in the matter of minutes they were naked from head to toe. Sauli felt hazed by the bliss.

He had more time to look at Adam than the previous time. He had a gorgeous figure, absolutely perfect in Sauli's eyes.

"You don't happen to have lube and condoms here?" Adam asked, pressing kisses along Sauli's jaw.

"Aw, fuck. I don't." Sauli groaned but Adam just giggled, raising his head.

"It's okay, I'll get some from my room."

~*~ 

Sauli was still trying to catch his breath, it felt like his heart was still on over-drive. Adam, on the other hand, looked so peaceful. Last time he looked almost timid after sex, but now his eyes were closed, like he was about to fall asleep.

Sauli thought he looked absolutely beautiful. His skin flushed and glistening with sweat, and his face was just gleaming.

Sauli shifted closer and kissed Adam's temple and his hairline, tasting the salt of his sweat on his lips. Adam slowly opened his eyes and smiled, snuggling even closer against Sauli, if that was possible.

"Are you going to storm out now?" Sauli asked, gently scratching Adam's chest.

"Not this time," Adam whispered with a smile, "Although I might want to get something to eat before going to bed."

Sauli hummed in agreement. He could have something too, he hadn't eaten anything in hours and the sex was draining, but he was so happy and satisfied.

"Can I sleep with you?" He asked, circling Adam's nipple. He smiled when he saw the fair love bite next to it.

"I thought you just did." Adam smiled.

"You-!" Sauli groaned, poking Adam in his ribs, "Not like that! I mean really sleep with you. Through the entire night."

Adam locked Sauli against his chest and spun him around on his back on the bed.

"As long as you come to my bed and I don't have to squeeze myself in your single-sized bed." He murmured and Sauli just grinned.

Adam reached for his underwear and stood up to pull it back on. Sauli watched him while he grabbed his top as well before he got up too.

Adam went to the bathroom to wash his hands and Sauli followed him. He peed, washed his hands and grinned at his reflection. He felt ridiculously happy right now and nothing could ruin it for him anymore.

He left the bathroom and went to the kitchen where Adam was browsing the upper cabinets for something to eat.

"What'd you wanna eat?" Adam asked, "Crackers, crispbread, cookies?"

Sauli came behind him and wrapped his arms around his middle, pressing his lips on the back of his neck and gingerly slipping his fingers underneath his shirt.

"You."

"The queen of corny lines," Adam chuckled, pulling out a box of cookies but put it back when he saw it was almost empty.

"I'm just being honest." Sauli smiled, "Not cookies then?"

"Gotta save the last ones for surprise guests."

Sauli's arms tightened around Adam, like a wordless _'mine'_.

"Not _that_ kind of guests." Adam chuckled, sagging a bit when Sauli loosened his hold again, "I mean my mom or dad or brother and his wife. Or other relatives. You never know."

"That sounds better." Sauli smiled, secretly happy that Adam didn't shy away from his hug, "I'm not letting anyone else near you."

Sauli was never the jealous type, but can you really blame him? He felt like performing a lie detector test on every suspicious looking guy before letting them near Adam.

Adam turned around with a smile, cupping Sauli's face between his palms,

"Don't you worry about that, because I don't want anyone else near me anymore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe some of you wanted the drama to continue a little longer or be more complex but I wanted to keep this fic short-ish.


	9. Wanna hear you say the words, please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam has his own way to motivate Sauli to study even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly sex. Sorry not sorry.

Sauli was just finishing writing his patient info on the computer in Exam 1 when Caroline peeked inside the room,

"Are you free?" She asked.

"Yeah, just finished this." Sauli said and saved the changes, then glanced at her, "Why?"

"I have a patient for you."

"Oh, okay. What've you got?" Sauli asked as he got up from the chair and grabbed his stethoscope. He's always eager to treat patients, especially if it's something other than colds and hemorrhoids.

"Adam."

Sauli was sure the choking sound he had made would've been hilarious under other circumstances.

"What? What happened?" He asked as he followed Caroline to Exam 4, fighting the urge to growl at her to move faster.

"Nothing too serious." Caroline informed as she stepped inside Exam 4, Sauli impatiently pushing after her. Adam was surrounded by Scarlett and Janine, who was pressinga a piece of gauze against the back of his head.

"I'm okay," Adam said, and judging by the frustration in his voice he must've been repeating it for a while, now. The scowl turned into a chuckle when he noticed Sauli come into the room, "You actually got a doctor to look at a small bump?"

"Sauli isn't a doctor yet," Caroline pointed out.

Sauli didn't pay her any attention as he moved over to the bed Adam was sitting on, both Scarlett and Janine stepping aside to give him room.

"I'm o-"

"Shut up, and let me take a look at you." Sauli said and brushed Adam's hair aside to examine the bleeding cut, "It doesn't look so bad. What happened?"

"I was in a rush," Adam murmured sheepishly.

"You feel dizzy?" Sauli asked and tilted Adam's head back to check his eyes, holding his finger up. Adam knew well enough to follow the movement with his eyes.

"No."

"Sure?" Sauli pressed, holding Adam's face gently by his chin and looking into his brilliant blue eyes. He was completely unaware of everyone else until Caroline interrupted the trance Adam's eyes have put him in,

"Okay, guys. I think Adam is in good hands."

Sauli blinked a few times and glanced over his shoulder only to receive a wink in response as Caroline pushed the others out of the room.

"What happened?" Sauli asked again and carefully examined Adam's scalp. Could you blame him?

"Someone's waters had broken on the floor and I was running. The rest is history."

Sauli couldn't help but chuckle a little at the low grumble Adam talked with. Honestly, his embarrassment over the whole thing was adorable.

"Well, I'm glad you're alright. It could've been worse." Sauli said and finally let his hands drop, "Do you have any other bumps I should see?" he asked in a playful, cooing voice.

"I did hurt my knee a bit, too." Adam pouted with the same kind of tone in his voice.

"Did you, now?" Sauli cooed back, dropping his hand down to gently rub Adam's knee.

They both chuckled and Sauli bent down to peck Adam on the lips.

"Do they know about us?" Sauli asked.

"Well, I haven't told them anything but they're not exactly blind." Adam said and felt around his own head, "I think the whole department is whispering."

"You noticed that too?" Sauli asked, "I don't want people to think I'm using you for my own advantage."

Adam giggled, light and almost careless, and pushed himself up off the bed as soon as he saw that he was no longer bleeding.

"Honey, I don't think they see _you_ as the bad guy in this scenario." Adam pointed out and grabbed his stethoscope, hanging it around his neck, "They've tried to protect you from me, not the other way around."

Sauli pursed his lips and nodded. Adam did have a point, but it still doesn't stop people from saying things, especially the other med students who will think he gets an advantage when the department chooses students for next year.

"We can keep low profile if that makes you more comfortable." Adam told him with an easy smile, "And I suppose my points aren't that high in Dr. Harrison's eyes, either, so maybe it's for the best."

Sauli nodded thoughtfully and Adam leaned in for a brief peck on the lips.

"I'm gonna get back to work," Adam murmured against his lips, "If you give me a pass."

Sauli chuckled. He was still not used to Adam being like this all the time, so soft and genuine, and Sauli still has his doubts about that sudden one hundred eighty change. He's trying his best to trust Adam, but things like trust don't get fixed over night, if ever.

"Well, you're the doctor here, so you should know."

"Well, yeah, but I'm asking you." Adam insisted, seeming a little uncertain over Sauli's reluctance.

"You know, everything I've done here during my clerkship... I've been so proud of myself over all of that, but you always made me feel like I never did anything special." Sauli admitted and glanced into Adam's eyes, swallowing as he saw them dim and lose their twinkle, "It feels hard to trust my instincts."

Adam sighed heavily, pulling Sauli against his chest. Sauli inhaled his scent and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"I wish I could say I'm sorry, but I guess it would be kinda useless to just keep repeating it." Adam said and slowly pulled away.

"I didn't credit you with much feelings," Sauli said, holding both of Adam's hands in his, "I'm happy that I was wrong. I just wish I'd found out sooner; I would've saved myself so many tears."

Adam smiled sheepishly and brought Sauli's hand to his mouth, brushing his lips chastely over his knuckles. Sauli's stomach bubbled with affection and he couldn't help but blush.

"I'm a tough cookie to break," Adam whispered against his skin, "I didn't want you to pity me."

Sauli cocked his eyebrow and pulled his hand free, holding onto Adam's hips instead. He still can't understand Adam's logic, "So you decided to just make my life miserable?"

"That's not what I wanted." Adam objected.

"Yes, it was." Sauli said confidently and a little sadly, "You knew exactly what you were doing, and I still keep wondering why."

"I guess I thought you'd fight for me," Adam mumbled quietly, his eyes downcast, "That once you were upset enough you'd try to pull me off the hook."

Sauli sighed, not able to stop looking at Adam's eyes. They were so captivating and churning with mysteries.

"That's how you live? Expecting people to be able to read past your shit and save you?" Sauli asked, a gentle tone in his voice, "You never gave me a clue, not even a subtle one. I really believed you're just shallow."

"Yeah, I guess I'm just... Not very good with people." Adam chuckled a little sadly at the end, flushing.

"Now, that's not true." Sauli shook his head, "Because everyone here seems to love you."

Adam smiled a little but didn't say anything. He finally looked up and pulled him closer for one more lingering kiss before he headed back to work. Sauli stayed behind a little, tossing the gauze in the trash then decided to leave in case someone needed the room.

He felt everyone staring at him when he walked to the front desk. Maybe they were all laughing at him behind his back. Why? Because he believes every velvety word Adam purrs to him.

Sauli shook himself out of his ridiculous thoughts and just focused on work.

During his lunch break he couldn't escape the girls anymore. They sat on his table with foolish grins on their faces and Sauli already wanted to vanish.

"What's the goss?" Caroline cocked her eyebrow, leaning over the table and closer to Sauli.

"What goss? What are you talking about?" He asked.

"You and Dr. Very-complicated-Self-centered-pediatrician?"

Sauli could tell she was joking from the tone of her voice. Either that, or she was referring to something _he_ had said before and couldn't remember. Sauli wanted to slap himself if that was the case.

"What about us?"

"C'mon, don't act like I didn't see you back there!" Caroline squeaked and Alisan elbowed her pointedly. Sauli sighed, leaning back in his chair and eyeing the curious expressions on their faces.

Alisan must've known he and Adam had made up because she was the one who told him about Noah and suggested that he approach the subject with Adam to break the ice.

"And what exactly did you see?" Sauli asked, casually sipping his water.

"I saw mutual kindness and there wasn't this... heavy tension in the room." Caroline said and glanced at Alisan for a little help but she just remained neutral.

"So we put our feuds behind us and made up," Sauli shrugged.

"I get that, but what about when I walked in on you inhaling each other in an exam room?" Caroline asked and Sauli felt his face flush at the memory, "There has to be something more than that."

"Oh, leave him alone," Alisan butted in and gave Sauli a smile, "I think two adults should be allowed to keep their private life private. You don't run around talking left and right about your relationships, either."

"Well, no, but my love life isn't nearly as juicy as this," She defended, "I mean, I haven't seen Adam screwing anyone in any exam or storage room in a _week_ and that's _a lot_."

Sauli sighed, shaking his head. She's unbelievable when it comes to this. He just can't understand why it's has to be such a big deal.

Yeah, sure, it's Adam, the one with commitment and intimacy issues, and he finally feels comfortable moving on after such crushing circumstances. With a third-year med student.

There's no law that forbids them from being together, but it's often frowned upon among some of the employees. Sauli didn't care, as long as it didn't put his spot in the E.R. or Adam's job in danger.

"Look, I know you mean well, and I know you're curious, but I wanna keep this to myself for now," Sauli said quietly, "He's important and I like him, that's all you're getting, so if you excuse me, I have to get back to work."

~*~

The following day Sauli had a day off and he was using the free time to prepare a presentation about bone fractures for fellow med students and their mentors in the same hospital.

Adam was still at work so he was using the time to focus.

"Facial fractures," He murmured to himself when he changed the page and saw the headline, "How to spot a facial fracture?"

Of course there's swelling, pain, maybe loss of function and-

Sauli squeaked when someone suddenly draped themselves over his back.

"Guess who." Came the familiar voice and a kiss was pressed against the back of his neck.

"You're supposed to be at work." Sauli pointed out when Adam got comfortable on the backs of his thighs.

"No, I'm not."

"I thought you said you won't be home 'til 7." Sauli frowned.

"It _is_ 7, silly." Adam chuckled. Sauli's frown deepened and he glanced at the clock only to find that it was, in fact, 7. Well, damn.

"I must've been studying hard." Sauli concluded, "Why are you sneaking around in my bedroom?"

"Looking for you, of course." Adam said and Sauli could literally hear the sultry smile in his voice.

"You, as a doctor, should know I really need to study to become a good doctor." Sauli said and tried to ignore the way Adam swayed his hips and softly ground himself against his ass.

"I, as an ex med student, know that med students can use a little break every now and then." Adam winked and moved next to Sauli on the bed, closed the book and gingerly put it on the floor.

Sauli rolled his eyes and climbed on top of Adam, playfully pursing his lips at him.

"You are a bad influence on me." He murmured, petting Adam's hair. Adam grinned, loosely wrapping his arms around Sauli's waist.

"Okay. Let's make a deal. I'll ask you questions about anything medical that comes to my mind, not just bone fractures, and if you do well, you might just get a few prizes." Adam suggested and Sauli cocked his eyebrow in curiosity.

Anything that involves Adam's body beneath or on top of his and 'prizes' sounds like a fun way to learn.

Adam tipped Sauli's head back and aligned their mouths together. Sauli hummed, bringing his hand on the back of Adam's head, but Adam pulled away with a grin.

"You tease." Sauli hissed, "But deal."

"And if you get them all right," Adam went on, carefully rolling them over so he wouldn't drop Sauli on the floor.

He straddled Sauli's waist and grabbed his hands, bringing them down on top of his ass, "You can have this."

Sauli swallowed in anticipation, his cheeks flushing as he squeezed Adam's perfectly plush cheeks. He couldn't quite believe the words he was hearing.

"Now that's a motivator," He managed to stutter. He knows Adam doesn't bottom often so it must mean something that he's willing to do it with him. That, or he's going to ask impossible questions and avoid the promised bottoming.

"So tell me," Adam purred, leaning down to brush his lips against Sauli's, "What's the most common symptom of gastric carcidoma?"

Sauli hummed, feeling hazed by the breeze of Adam's breath against his lips and the muscle beneath his palms.

"That would be weight loss." He replied and earned a little kiss on his lips, whining when Adam pulled away to ask another question,

"Possible and most common complications of multiple gestation are?"

Sauli thought about it for a moment, tentatively letting his tongue swipe against Adam's neck, loving the quiet shudder he earned in response.

"Pre-eclampsia, preterm labor and delivery and gestational diabetes," Sauli replied and latched his mouth back on Adam's neck, letting his tongue twiddle around the sensitive skin.

Adam hummed, both in approval and pleasure.

"How do you treat preeclampsia?"

"The only cure for preeclampsia is labor since they are at increased risk of seizures and severe bleedings." Sauli said confidently and squeezed Adam's butt cheeks, "But if it's diagnosed early, labor might not be the best option. So more frequent hospital visits or hospitalization."

Adam grinned,

"My questions are too easy. Anyone would know that. Let me think of something else," He said and sat up on Sauli's lap. Sauli found it very hard to focus on anything else but Adam's ass pressed against his crotch.

"What's cardiomyopathy?" Adam asked and leaned back down, bringing his face so close to Sauli's that their noses brushed together.

Sauli closed his eyes and thought about it. He had studied the heart not a long time ago, so he should remember. He could just see that piece on the page of his book.

And next to it a picture of a diseased heart muscle.

"It's a disease of the heart muscle," Sauli knew to say, "Often causing it to thicken and become rigid."

"Mm." Adam hummed and brought their lips together again, so he assumed he had answered correctly.

Adam settled more comfortably, lying next to Sauli on the bed instead of on top of him and threw his leg over Sauli's hips.

Several minutes passed.

Sauli was certain he was going to cream his pants like a teenager. He wasn't able to focus on anything else but Adam's body anymore. He was so turned on he felt like going blind from the arousal.

My last question," Adam said cheekily, scooting off the bed and reaching his hand out, "If you'd like to join me in my bed and fuck me into the middle of next week?"

Sauli huffed. It was such a horrible line to use, yet it somehow worked coming out of Adam's mouth.

He grabbed Adam's hand and let him tug him into his bedroom. Their shirts came off right away, hands pulling on each other's clothes impatiently and desperately. Adam smiled as he sat on the bed, pulling Sauli with him and fell on his back on the cushions.

"Question... Why are we on your bed?" Sauli asked and sneaked his hands underneath Adam's shirt to caress his sides.

"Because your bed creaks," Adam said with a small frown, "I'm sure Mrs. Hannigan didn't like listening to us having sex last time around."

Sauli snickered. He didn't even think of that. Poor lady.

"So..." Adam purred, "Do you want to do me or what?"

"You don't need to ask." Sauli murmured and leaned down to kiss Adam's neck.  He heard the quiet hitch in his breath and he pressed another kiss against the skin, sucking lightly so he wouldn't leave a mark.

He let his mouth slide down Adam's chest and latched his lips on his nipple, earning a soft groan as he gingerly sucked on it.

He pulled out and flicked his tongue around the hard nub then gently nipped at it, making Adam gasp in surprise as his back arched slightly off the bed.

He pressed kisses all over Adam's abdomen, on his chest, on top of his ribs and his hipbones. Every shudder he earned felt like a reward.

Sauli kissed Adam's belly button and sucked on the skin around it, his lips making an obscene wet sound as they unlatched from Adam's skin.

The thought of Adam having a faint hickey, made by him, hidden underneath his clothes and just above his privates made Sauli's stomach bubble with joy and excitement.

Sauli rested his forehead against Adam's belly and breathed in his scent, trying to comprehend this whole situation. He felt Adam shudder as his hot breath brushed the damp skin.

Sauli smiled and let his mouth hover over the treasure trail leading to the front of Adam's pants.

Adam made a sound, like a soft whimper, and his hips moved on the bed.

"Are you going to suck me off or are you planning on just driving me mad?"

Sauli chuckled, "Both are very tempting." He said and started working on Adam's belt.

As soon as he got it unbuckled, he unzipped the pants and sat up to tug them off Adam's hips. Adam raised his pelvis and stretched out his legs so he could pull the pants down and off.

Sauli's eyes were immediately drawn to Adam's crotch where his erection was poking through the fabric of his striped briefs. He brought his hand down and found the head of Adam's cock, rubbing his thumb over the tip. He wasn't surprised to find the fabric damp there.

Considering they've been humping against each other for a while.

"Thinking about it, I probably wouldn't last with your mouth on my dick at this point," Adam said in a shaky voice and Sauli felt him throb in his underwear.

Adam sat up and unbuckled Sauli's belt, pushing his pants along with his briefs down beneath his ass and giving it a quick squeeze.

Unable to wait any longer, Sauli impatiently fumbled his pants off and tossed them aside while Adam stripped off his own underwear.

He watched Adam slide off the bed and pull a towel out of his closet. He spread it on the bed and laid down, pulling Sauli on top of him with a sultry smile.

"You always put a towel on the bed when you have sex?" Sauli asked.

"Well, I wanna protect my duvet, it's expensive." Adam told him and reached down to cup his ass, "The condoms and lube are in the top drawer."

Sauli nodded, reaching out to grab said items and drop them on the bed. He breathed a drawn out sight. He was about to top Adam, and he would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous.

"Hey, you okay?" Adam asked, bringing his hand up to cup Sauli's cheek, "Honey, you're trembling."

"I'm okay, I'm just nervous."

"We've had sex before," Adam pointed out with a little chuckle and brushed Sauli's hair off his face.

"Yeah, but not like that, and I haven't done this before." Sauli murmured, his face flushing in embarrassment but Adam wouldn't let him look away. Adam's features were soft with understanding and it made Sauli feel a little more at ease.

"It's fine. I'm sure you have a pretty good idea what to do with the lube," Adam smiled and grabbed Sauli's hand, stroking his fingers with his thumb, "And what to do with these," he added with a flirty smile.

Sauli chuckled, gingerly dropping his forehead against Adam's,

"Yeah, I think I do."

"Then that's already a good start," Adam whispered, "You'll figure out the rest of it."

*

Turns out he did. Just feeling Adam's heat around his fingers, feeling him stretch, ready for his dick, made Sauli feel like he'd blow his load any second. And the sounds Adam made every time he hit his prostate.

So gorgeous.

But there was nothing quite like pushing into Adam's body. Sauli's mouth went slack the second the head of his cock was inside the tight heat and he felt overwhelmed for a while.

When he pushed further in, he noticed Adam's jaw tense in displeasure. He paused for a few seconds to let him breathe and relax his muscles, lazily kissing Adam's mouth and chin, just soothing little flicks.

"I'm good. Just start out slow." Adam said and wrapped his legs around Sauli's body. Sauli nodded, taking a deep breath and slowly pushed all the way in, biting back a gasp as he felt the warmth engulf his length.

He looked down between their bodies and let himself feel the bliss for several seconds before he pulled out and slowly thrust back in. He couldn't control himself as his eyes shot up and sought Adam's, his heart leaping as he was met with a smile.

"Oh god..." He murmured in awe, bringing their mouths together and slowly started thrusting.

He was surprised that his mind, heart and dick finally agreed on something; and that was surprising because Sauli never thought he'd be able to find the right note when it came to Adam.

There's still so much that could go wrong, but right now, things were good. Better than good.

Adam clung onto him, his arms around his neck and those long beautiful legs tightly wrapped around his waist. Sauli felt secure in his hold and his hips started to rock faster, his dick sliding smoothly in and out of Adam's body.

He pulled away from the kiss and dropped his head lower to flick his tongue against the sensitive skin of Adam's neck. Adam bent his head further back and the shudder he let out encouraged Sauli to suck and nibble on the skin he was just kissing.

He just can't seem to get enough.

He tugged on Adam's legs to uwrap them from around his waist and pushed them down towards Adam's shoulders. Adam didn't even flinch at the stretch and Sauli wanted to bend him every other way just to find out how flexible he was.

Adam grew more noisy then, the slight change of angle causing Sauli's cock to hit his sweet spot.

The sounds he made ignited a new fire of arousal in the pit of his stomach and he slammed his hips down even harder and faster.

" _Oh God_..." Adam managed to say, his voice higher pitched. Sauli smiled against Adam's neck and pressed one more kiss on the skin before he raised his head and got on his knees.

"Are you bendy?" He asked, his voice ragged by now.

"Try me," Adam winked.

Sauli bit his lip and pulled Adam's legs straight against his body then leaned back down, throwing them over his shoulders. He felt himself slide even deeper this way and his eyes rolled into the back of his head in pure bliss.

He could feel the orgasm build up and coil inside of him. His thrusts became more erratic, tearing those beautiful sounds out of Adam's mouth.

Sauli slowed down and focused on pushing in deep. He pushed all the way in and enjoyed the tightness around his cock, slowly pulled out, and repeated.

He got on his knees again and pulled Adam's hips flush against his lap, thrusting up into him. He then noticed the tiny pool of precum on Adam's belly and wrapped his fingers around his cock.

Sauli stroked Adam's length, gently squeezing at the tip and smearing the precum on the shaft.

"A little tighter," Adam panted and Sauli happily obliged. He tightened his hold and sped up, watching as Adam tossed his head back and grabbed the headboard like a lifeline.

He smiled smugly and torturously rubbed the underside of Adam's cock. Adam's body seized for a second before he jerked thoroughly, shooting his load on his own abdomen and on Sauli's fist.

Sauli bit back a proud grin and kept stroking until Adam moaned in protest, reaching down to push his hand off, unable to stand the touch on his insanely sensitive skin. Sauli grabbed Adam's hips and thrust up into him, ramming his hips against his.

It didn't take long before he came, his entire body jerking with he orgasm. He squeezed Adam's hips and pushed all the way in once more, savoring the tight heat for a few more seconds.

Sauli held onto the base of the condom when he pulled out, tying it securely before tossing it into the trash can nearby, his eyes fixated on Adam's loose, slick hole.

He tore his eyes off and grabbed a few tissues from the box on the nightstand, cleaning Adam's abdomen.

"I haven't been fucked like that in years," Adam said with a lazy smile, "I kinda missed it."

Sauli chuckled, disposing of the tissues after wiping his own hands. Adam rolled onto his stomach and curled his arms under the pillow,

"I think I need a power nap."

~*~ 

Sauli glanced at the clock on the wall.

It was already getting closer to 9.

He had been sitting on the edge of his bed for about 30 minutes, overwhelmed by everything he was feeling inside.

He looked over at Adam who was still quietly snoozing. Not too long ago Sauli would've given his butt a good smack just for the sake of being able to, but suddenly he was more touched by Adam's peaceful face.

Sauli turned more sideways to see him better, pulling his other leg on top of the bed.

He brought his fingertips between Adam's shoulder blades and traced them down his long spine. The dip of his back and the swell of his ass almost hypnotized him in the dim light of the bedroom.

Adam's eyes fluttered open when Sauli pressed his open palm on his buttock.

"You're look so serious," Adam murmured sleepily, and Sauli nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of his voice, "You okay?"

Sauli just nodded, pulling his hand away from Adam's skin. Even in the dim room he could see a small frown tug at Adam's eyebrows and he wanted to gently rub it away.

He really was fine, just a little overwhelmed.

He knew he liked Adam a lot, he could admit that, but there were other things he wasn't so sure he wanted to admit, even to himself.

"I was thinking of making some tea before going to sleep. You want some?" Sauli asked.

"Mm, sure," Adam smiled, the frown leaving his face, "If you'll be so nice and bring it here."

Sauli chuckled, shaking his head. How could he say no?

"Okayn" He cooed and patted Adam's ass, then got up from the bed. He made his way to the kitchen and put some water to boil, then returned to the bedroom. Adam had rolled over on his back, his eyes closed, but they fluttered open when Sauli came back.

"I was supposed to prepare my presentation tonight." Sauli informed, "Now I have nothing done."

"You still have a few days to figure something out," Adam pointed out and settled on top of Sauli, "Besides, don't you think screwing me was way more fun?"

"Maybe," Sauli said and wrapped his arms around Adam's waist. His tone must've been off because Adam suddenly looked unsure.

He was just messing around with Adam, but he was terrified of the feelings churning inside him now.

Deep down he already knew. But now he was sure.

"You seem a little off," Adam frowned and pushed himself up, his whole body tense even though he tried to hide it, "What's wrong? Was it not what you thought or-?"

"Oh God, no!" Sauli rushed, then quickly realized how bad it must've sounded and hurried to amend, "I mean yes; it was everything I magined it would be and more."

"Then what?" Adam asked, sounding a little insecure and it was weird to hear that in his voice.

Sauli pushed Adam off his lap and sat up, turning his back to him. He sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"I'm in love with you," He choked out, staring at the wall before him blankly.

"What?" He heard Adam ask in a panicked voice.

"You heard me," Sauli mumbled, still unable to turn around.

"Okay," Adam chuckled nervously, scooting off the bed and holding the covers around his hips, "You just don't go around blurting stuff like that out."

Sauli sighed again, making himself turn back around to face Adam,

"I don't expect you to feel the same, I just-"

"I don't." Adam rushed out, those nervous chuckles still escaping his lips, "I mean, I'm not saying I don't like you but I-"

"Adam," Sauli smiled, "It's alright. You don't have to be so timid about it."

Adam nodded, and Sauli could see his body sag a little. He reached out his arm and Adam crawled back onto the bed and into his embrace.

Sauli knew what he said was something big, but he couldn't help but feel a little sad about the response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the late update, life happened, and my beta was unable to do her part of the work. 
> 
> The last chapter/epilogue will be ready soon (no, not Adam's soon).


	10. Only Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alisan advices Sauli to gently push Adam over his comfort zone, and Sauli gets positively surprising results.   
> It's also time for Sauli to meet Adam's mom and also go through the misery of a patient dying in his hands.

"Earth to Sauli."

Sauli blinked a few times in confusion before he realized that he was at work, leaning against the front desk. He was too busy rewinding last night in his head; both the good and the bad of it.

"I'm sorry. Did you say something?" Sauli asked Marie who, from the looks of it, had been trying to get his attention for a while now.

"Nothing much, just asked why you're still here. Your shift ended, like, 20 minutes ago." She said while typing something on the computer. Sauli sighed, glancing at the clock. He knew he didn't have any reason to stay, except that he's waiting for Adam's shift to end.

Or maybe he just doesn't want to let him out of his sight again. He freaked out last night after Sauli confessed his feelings, even though he tried to hide it.

Sauli felt like a total idiot. He probably should've been more subtle about it and not just throw it out at Adam like he did.

"I'm just waiting for Adam." Sauli admitted, keeping his eyes glewed to the desk as he asked Marie in a low tone, "Have you heard any rumors about... Me and him?"

Marie glanced around to check if anyone was standing nearby.

"I think pretty much everyone has," She said quietly.

"What do people say about us?" Sauli asked and he could see Marie grow a little uneasy.

"I'm not sure if-"

"What are they saying, Marie?"

Marie sighed, "Well, people can't really seem to believe that Adam is capable of being in a serious, monogamous relationship-"

"Hold it, hold it!" Sauli interrupted, leaning over the desk, "That's what we are? A monogamous couple?"

Because he still didn't know. For him, he already felt commited to Adam, but he wasn't entirely sure if Adam was up for that kinda responsibility.

They didn't make any promises, after all.

"Well, yeah," Marie frowned, "People think you're too blind to see Adam's real disposition and that you're being fooled by him."

Sauli rolled his eyes. Everyone here seems to think he's a baby who can't take care of himself or make any rational decisions. And they're the blind ones for not trying to see under Adam's skin instead of judging him harshly like that.

"I think it's everyone else here that are blind. Don't they know about Noah?" Sauli snapped.

"We all do. But old habits die hard, that's what they say." Marie told him and Sauli couldn't help the heavy sigh that escaped, "I'm just telling you what I heard." She added.

"I know," Sauli sighed again. He glanced around and saw Alisan rushing to Exam 4 and he immediately went after her, catching up fast.

"Ali, you know where Adam is?" He asked.

"He already left." Alisan told him, looking a bit surprised.

He should've just kept his mouth shut last night. If he knew Adam was going to avoid him again he wouldn't have said anything.

"He went to visit Noah's grave." Alisan added carefully, "And he hasn't been there since the funeral."

"What are you trying to say?" Sauli asked with a small frown.

Alisan rolled her eyes and gave him a look.

"I'm saying Adam went to visit Noah's grave for the first time since the funeral." When Sauli still hasn't shown any sign that he understoodd she huffed in exaspiration, "He's taking the final step of letting go."

"What?"

Alisan groaned, looking like she wanted to facepalm and pulled him aside.

"You can be frustratingly slow sometimes," Alisan said then with a little huff, "Adam hasn't been to Noah's grave since he passed. The fact that he's willing to go there now, when he couldn't even stand the idea of it before, means he's comfortable with it."

"And?"

Alisan sighed, punching Sauli's arm,

" _Think._ " She said, and turned away from him to follow the paramedics as they brought a trauma patient in.

Sauli headed to the locker rooms and changed his clothes, bid his co-workers distracted goodbyes and made his way out of the hospital. He had to walk home since Adam had the car but he still made it home before him.

Adam arrived an hour later.

"Hey," Sauli beamed, sitting up on the couch and watched Adam kick off his shoes.

"Hey yourself." Adam smiled shakily and took a few hesitant steps towards the living room, "I visited his grave today," he said, a little quietly, and kept fumbling with his keys.

"Oh?"

"I don't go there a lot." Adam added and looked up, his eyes pleading with Sauli to understand the words he was trying to say without actually having to say them, "Actually, I've never been there since his funeral."

Sauli turned the volume of the TV down and looked at Adam, not saying anything because while he rarely saw Adam get nervous about something, even at work, it still hit him hard. He didn't like seeing Adam look this unsure of himself.

"I went to tell him that I've met somebody," Adam said. The keys dropped on the floor from his shaky hands and he crouched down to pick them up with a nervous chuckle, "And that I'm in love with that somebody," he added as he pushed himself back up.

The air left Sauli's lungs in a rush and his heart faltered, like it was about to jump out of his mouth.

"I told him that I wished he could be happy for me," Adam said and rubbed the back of his neck, and he looked like he was about to shatter. _Please don't cry_ , Sauli thought, because he was going to bawl his eyes out too if Adam cried.

"But more than anything, I wish this _somebody_ could forgive me for being so difficult for so long and for causing him so much pain."

Sauli thought they were already past that, but no matter how many times he said it was okay, that he understood, Adam didn't seem to believe him and kept apologizing. It was going to be a while until he forgave himself.

"You know I already have." Sauli said gently as Adam bit his trembling lower lip.

"Please don't cry," Sauli whispered.

"I won't." Adam choked out on a sob, blinking a few times to compose himself, and Sauli pushed himself off the couch and walked up to Adam, gently wrapping his arms around him.

Adam melted into him, holding on like he was drowning, and Sauli's heart clenched at the sheer pain in the gesture.

"Can I ask you something?" Sauli asked, stroking Adam's back.

"Yeah," Adam said, his voice drained.

"If Alisan didn't tell me about Noah, how long would you have given me a hard time?"

Adam chuckled wetly, taking a deep breath before he slowly pulled away.

"I give all my students a hard time. I kinda enjoy it." Adam said and scrunched his nose, which Sauli found utterly adorable.

"Really? Wouldn't have guessed." Sauli huffed but grew serious once again, "But you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do..." Adam murmured, stepping past Sauli to drop his keys on the coffee table in the living room before practically collapsing on the couch.

Sauli sat next to him and watched his thoughtful face, reaching down to touch his thigh.

"I guess I would've talked about it at some point." Adam said and reached for the hand on his thigh, lacing their fingers together, "I'm glad Alisan brought it up. I have a feeling you wouldn't have listened to me."

"That's not true." Sauli argued, "I _tried_ to come up with explanations other than you just hating my guts or you having fun teasing students. I would've listened if you'd wanted to talk."

"Well, now you know. Isn't that what matters?" Adam asked, turning his head to meet Sauli's eyes.

"I guess," Sauli sighed. All of a sudden, Adam's stomach made a quiet grumble, which reminded him...

"Oh my God, I didn't prepare any dinner!" He gasped.

"It's okay. I'm sure I have something we can microwave." Adam chuckled.

"Or we can order in a pizza." Sauli suggested, shrugging a shoulder. It's been a while since he's had one.

"Pizza, huh? I dunno, it's quite greasy. A big bomb of calories."

Sauli cocked an eyebrow and placed his palm on Adam's belly, rubbing a little,

"I'm sure you can indulge yourself a little." He murmured.

"Oki," Adam cooed, "You make the call."

After making the call, Sauli tossed the phone on the couch and looked at Adam. He looked a little drained.

Sauli didn't say anything. Adam would talk if he wanted. There was no use in pushing.

But when he noticed that Adam was still on his first slice and he was already munching on his third he couldn't just stay silent.

"Adam? What's the matter?" Sauli asked, reaching down to touch Adam's thigh.

Adam sighed, discarding his pizza slice with a look that suggested that he just had no appetite.

"Nothing's the matter." He said heavily, "And that's the matter."

"What'd you mean?" Sauli asked with a small frown, rubbing Adam's knee soothingly.

"I just feel like this is the first time I'm not living a half life." Adam told him and dropped his head against the backrest of the couch, "And for some reason, I just... I feel _guilty_ about it, like I don't..."

Adam huffed and shook his head, and Sauli swallowed thickly, because hw couldn't imagine how hard this felt.

"This is not the first time I feel like that. Even in the past, everytime I laughed I felt like I could forget about him and go on. Just for those two seconds. And then I felt so guilty afterwards," Adam confessed, closing his eyes, "I just feel like, after everything, I don't really deserve to be happy again."

Sauli swallowed convulsingly,

"Look at me," He whispered, gently grabbing Adam's chin, " _Adam_ ," he urged and turned Adam's face to look into his eyes, "You _do_. You have to allow yourself that."

If Sauli wasn't staring at Adam so intently he would've missed the tiny nod he gave, the gloom in his eyes, however, was a completely different story, and Sauli has never been more disappointed in himself. He just didn't know what he could possibly say to make that alright.

They ate mostly in silence and afterwards Sauli excused himself, going outside for a smoke, his phone pressed to his ear and ringing as he waited for the one pwrson who could help him to pick up.

"I need your help," Sauli said the minute the line connected and he heard Alisan sigh on the other end.

_"Okay? What do you need my help with?"_

"What could you possibly say to someone who feels guilty for being happy?"

The sigh on the other end of the line was choppy and crackling,

_"I think deep down inside you know what to say; you're just afraid. The last thing Adam wants is for you to pity him and be like everyone else just for the sake of staying in the safe zone and being 'politically correct'."_

Sauli took a long drag from his cigarette.

_" What you need to do is trust his feelings for you. If you feel like you have to compete with a ghost, you'll lose for certain."_

Sauli slowly blew out the smoke, watching it curl as it left his lips. He would be lying if he said he wasn't afraid of that prospect.

"Do you think I am?"

_"No. I've seen his progress and that first year was so difficult. After that he started taking down photos from his bookshelf, took off his engagement ring and even tried to meet someone new. But he never met anyone he wanted to let under his skin so he never saw the need to take those last steps when it came to moving on."_ Alisan explained and Sauli was hung up onto every word she said, _"But he still doesn't know how **you** feel about the whole thing. He might need a gentle nudge before he can let you in. If he knows how much you love him and care for him, he'll probably feel more safe showing his vulnerable side." _

"Thank you." Sauli said sincerely.

_"Anytime."_

Sauli took a deep breath and headed back inside. Adam had turned the TV on and he was sprawled on the couch.

"Sit up," Sauli said, walking over to Adam and pulling him up into a sitting position despite the confused frown that tugged on Adam's lips. He crouched down between Adam's legs and placed his hands on his knees,

"I want to make this work," He stated simply, "I want to make this work more than anything. I didn't think I was capable of loving someone so much until I met you. You can freak about it, I don't care."

Adam suddenly looked completely awake, his eyes focused and intense.

"When I started developing a crush on you, at first I enjoyed hearing you having sex behind the wall, and it freaked me out because I didn't want to feel that way. But then it became harder, and it started to hurt, before you were aware, and then when you did it intentionally to fuck with me. I was never angry, I was in pain, and I _wanted_ to _hurt_ you as much as you hurt me, but I felt like I was delusional if I thought I could break all that ice inside your heart."

Adam's eyes cut sharply to his, holding his gaze.

"I never imagined that I could hit something close to home. And when I learned about Noah, all I could think about was how much my words must've hurt you," Sauli said and squeezed Adam's knees, "I don't know how to act around you. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and sooner or later I'm going to do or say something that will upset you without me being aware of it."

"I'm-"

"No, let me finish." Sauli interrupted, "I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to be hurt, either, so if you feel like need more time, or that maybe I'm not the one for you, I want you to let me know so _I_ can move on."

Sauli's heart was hammering in his chest and he could feel that familiar fear of rejection creep up his spine.

Adam smiled sadly and took Sauli's hands, squeezing them.

"I've grieved long enough. Visiting Noah's grave today to me wasn't the last step of letting him go, but the first step of moving on, starting a new chapter," Adam explained and Sauli exhaled a little in relief.

Adam bit his lip, his eyes averted and he squeezed Sauli's hands more firmly,  "With you. If you'll have me."

"I'll have you," Sauli said quietly, "All of you. Even the parts of you you're not proud of."

Something passed through Adam's eyes; grief, anger, happiness? All of it? Sauli didn't know what it was, but then Adam's face crumbled, and a choked sob escaped his throat.

Sauli quickly climbed on the couch and pulled Adam against his chest, allowing him to break down.

He wasn't sure what brought the tears, but he now knew that Adam was ready for something new. With him.

"I love you, too." Adam blubbered out between his sobs, making Sauli's heart thud twice as hard, "And you're my number one, but I'll still always remember him, especially on holidays and birthdays."

Sauli squeezed Adam a little harder and pressed his lips to the top of his head,

"Of course you will, and you can," He said, "What matters to me is that I'm not second best."

~*~

Sauli couldn't believe he and Adam have a day off at the same time. There's still that chance Adam will get paged, but there's also a chance they will get to spend the whole day together.

Like a real couple.

Sauli stretched his arms blissfully and smiled. _A couple_. As soon as he opened his eyes he saw Adam wasn't in bed anymore, but he could smell coffee and omelets.

Sauli pulled on his underwear and tiptoed to the kitchen.

Adam was fully dressed, wearing a pair of worn jeans and a regular black top.

Sauli smirked as he sneaked up behind him and smacked his ass.

"Good morning!" He squealed, laughing as Adam jumped with a squeak.

He turned around and smiled, his eyes so soft and brilliant in the morning light, "You know, you shouldn't sneak up on people like that."

"You know, I still feel a little weak in the knees after last night," Sauli murmured and kissed the nape of Adam's neck, wiggling his fingertips underneath his shirt.

Adam chuckled, squirming in his hold, and Sauli tightened his arms around him, not letting him escape.

"Sauli... There's somebody I want you to meet." Adam said and finally wriggled out of his hold.

"Who?" Sauli asked, frowning.

"Probably me." Came a female voice from somewhere behind him. Sauli slowly turned around to see an older, dark haired woman, "I didn't want to startle you, you seemed to have so much fun groping my son."

At least she had a sense of humor abput the whole thing. Sauli gave her a sheepish smile and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Sauli, this is my mom. Mom, this is Sauli," Adam said and Sauli could hear the grin in his voice. He glanced at him, and sure enough there was an amused grin on his face and a healthy flush on his cheeks.

"I was thinking you could join us for lunch," Adam said, arching an eyebrow.

Sauli glanced at the clock in confusion, blinking in surprise when he saw it was just past 12, "Sure. Just let me put something on, first." he said with this brightest grin and quickly dashed out of the kitchen.

After getting dressed and mentally bracing himself, Sauli returned to the kitchen and stretched his hand out to introduce himself properly.

"It's nice to meet you, ma'am, I'm Sauli, Adam's-" Sauli started, biting his lip with a small frown, "Room mate?"

"Oh? Adam said I'd be meeting his boyfriend" Adam's mother said, raising her eyebrows, and Sauli quickly glanced at Adam who shrugged at him innocently.

Yeah, he can live with that. Being Adam's boyfriend.

"Anyway, I'm Leila," She said with an amused smile.

"So nice to meet you," Sauli said again and sat down next to Adam.

"So," Leila started, reaching out to pour some salad on his plate, "Why don't you tell me something about yourself? All I know so far is that you're a med student and you're Adam's boyfriend."

"Well," Sauli started, "I'm 24 and I'm from Finland, but I moved to the States when I was a kid."

"That's interesting," Leila smiled, "I thought your name was too exotic for a native. What do you on your free time?"

Studying.

_No, that's too lame._

Feeling Adam up?

_Too inappropriate._

"Prepare yourself for my very interesting life." Sauli said and reached for the salad tongs once Leila put them back in the bowl, "In my spare time, which I don't get nearly as much as I'd want, I study. That's pretty much it,"

"You're dedicated to your studies, nothing wrong with that." Leila said right away and glanced at Adam, "I can't say Adam was the same,"

"Hey!" Adam squeaked defensively and Sauli hasn't heard him sound like that before. It was the typical, whiny, 'moooom' voice.

"Now, I'm just telling the truth."

"You weren't there all the time! I moved out during my second year," Adam said, talking in that high-pitched voice that Sauli found to be so adorable.

Adam might roast anyone, but he will always come in second when it comes to his own mom.

Leila just grinned.

Adam had always claimed that he'd barely had time to do anything else but study on his free time, and his mother just exposed him.

"Anyway," Adam said, guiding the conversation away from him, "Sauli works out, too. And he's a great cook."

"Wonderful!" Leila smiled, "Did you cook your way into Adam's heart?"

Well, his cooking probably didn't do much in the bigger picture. He still doesn't know what he did to find his way into Adam's heart, it was like he was suddenly just... there. After being neglected and bitched at.

He's still not used to it, but he's not complaining.

He can definately get used to it.

"It was more of his mouth that did that."

Sauli's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"I'm not sure if I wanna know what you meant by that." Leila said.

"No!" Adam squeaked, "Ew, mom, _no_. I meant that he's good with words."

"Really? That's all?" Sauli asked  Adam with a daring smile, "After all I had to go through with you, you say I'm good with words?"

Adam pursed his lips and then smiled,

"I don't think you'd want me to get cheesy and explain all the details, if that's what you mean."

They had a nice, un-rushed lunch that went mostly with Leila grilling Sauli. But not in a bad way.

Then they were alone when Adam excused himself to go to the bathroom.

"I'm really happy he's found someone," Leila confessed with a smile, "It wasn't very easy seeing him in so much pain. I appreciate your effort."

"What effort?" Sauli asked when he was putting the plates in the dishwasher.

"To dig deeper under his skin when no one else tried." Leila said simply, "You're a very good person, Sauli."

Sauli smiled a little and turned around to face her as he thanked her,

"Thank you. That really means a lot to me."

Sauli was positively surprised when Leila gave him a hug. He felt like he was accepted by her now. He knows she loved Noad a lot, so it was important for him to get her blessing in a way.

Leila pulled Adam into a long hug when he came back, whispering something against his ear that made him smile and then said her goodbyes with the promise of coming soon for another visit.

When she left, Adam glanced at Sauli with a sultry smirk.

"What?"

"Still a little weak in the knees, huh?"

Sauli snorted, covering his face in embarrassment.

"That was so embarrassing," Sauli mumbled and dropped his hands off his face. Adam moved closer and grabbed his hips, pushing him into the living room.

"Wanna get even weaker?" He asked as he pushed Sauli down on the couch, lying between his legs.

~*~ 

"We just finished another round." Adam drawled with a lazy smile when Sauli climbed along his back and kissed the nape of his neck, "I can't keep up with you."

Sauli chuckled, the puff of breath against Adam's sweat-damp skin making him shiver.

"You can't be getting old yet." Sauli teased, his lips hovering between Adam's shoulder blades. He gradually lowered himself down, his nose brushing Adam's spine all the way down to the curve of his ass.

Adam sighed when the tip of Sauli's nose touched his tailbone. Staring at the plush cheeks, Sauli remembered wanting to do something since he first saw Adam.

"Ow!" Adam squeaked, making Sauli grin against his skin, "Did you just _bite_ me?"

"Maybe," Sauli said and tenderly sunk his teeth into the flesh once more. Adam couldn't help but chuckle, despite it being a little arousing.

"I'm happy to know that if we're ever stranded on an island, I have a juicy steak in store for me." Sauli said and rubbed his thumb along Adam's ass once more before pushing himself up a little so Adam could turn around.

Adam chuckled again as he rolled over, and Sauli loved how he just seemed to get his weird sense of humor. He lay his head on Adam's chest and traced a fingertip down his abdomen, smiling as the muscles jumped under the stimulation.

"Did you know that your gallbladder is placed right here under the surface?" Sauli asked as he pressed his finger on said spot.

"As a doctor, I would've never known." Adam said with an amused grin. Sauli just chuckled and moved his fingers just a little bit,

"And there's your liver," He pointed, gently digging his fingers into the skin, "And stomach," he added as he moved his fingers again.

Not that Adam needed a lecture on organs, but Sauli just likes touching him. And maybe he's headed for another playful foreplay. He just can't get enough of Adam.

But Adam needs to rest a little.

And that's just fine with him. They're in no rush.

"And the pancreas is located behind it," Sauli whispered and moved his hand again, letting it brush the fine hair near the base of Adam's cock before bringing it higher up.

"And you're doing this only for learning purposes?" He asked huskily.

"Oh, yeah." Sauli nodded along innocently then gave Adam a sultry smirk as he pushed himself up and sat between his legs, "Never hurts to revise the basic things."

Which include the main organs, their location and function, the venous circulatory system and whatnot. And no amount of book pages could compare to Adam's body.

"The largest veins are called venae cavae. The superior and the inferior vena cava," Sauli said knowingly, placing both of his hands on top of Adam's heart, "The superior is formed by two brachiocephalic veins, and it carries deoxygenated blood from upper body to the right atrium of the heart,"

He held back a smile when he felt Adam's heart thud a little faster beneath his palm. He moved his hands slowly down Adam's stomach and then grabbed his thighs,

"And the inferior one... Carries the deoxygenated blood from the lower half of the body." Sauli added and shifted a bit to move his hands to Adam's feet then slowly drag them back up his calves, going past his knees and down his inner thighs towards his groin.

Sauli smirked when Adam's cock twitched at the touch but instead of doing something about it he settled on his stomach on the bed.

"Enough about the veins." He said in a low tone, curling his hands beneath Adam's ass, "Muscles next, yeah?"

Adam closed his eyes and groaned.

Sauli wasn't planning on playing forever, he just wanted to rekindle Adam's body in a creative way.

"Glutes are the biggest muscles in the human body," Sauli said and kneaded the flesh in his hands, "And yours are so perfectly toned."

Sauli's hot breath continously brushed against Adam's dick which twitched as it slowly came back to life.

Sauli pressed an affectionate kiss on the shaft and curled his arms around Adam's muscular thighs. He felt like worshipping the universe out of Adam now that he finally has the chance.

"You know, I used to hate those twinks between your legs." Sauli commented absently.

"Well, you're there now," Adam pointed out and Sauli chuckled.

He kissed Adam's inner thigh and tentatively rubbed his nose against the skin just inches away from his groin, sucking several wet kisses on Adam's balls, making his breath hitch.

He crawled back up and tried to wrap Adam's legs around himself but Adam flipped them around.

"You know what makes you ten times better than those twinks, other than the fact that I love you?" Adam asked.

"Do tell me."

"You actually care about my pleasure. You cherish my body, and not just wait for me to ram you through the mattress." Adam said and nuzzled Sauli's neck, "Obviously, it was a little unfair for them compared to you; because I didn't want them to get too familiar with me, but still."

Sauli wrapped his arms tightly around Adam and squeezed him, probably harder than necessary, but he just couldn't help it.

A grin made its way on his face and he looked down to where Adam's face was smushed against his neck,

"Well, now that I've appreciated your body and lectured you about it, can you ram me through the mattress?"

Adam chuckled, raising his head from the crook of Sauli's neck,

"You bet your sweet ass I can."

~*~

Going back to work after a day off was both a blessing and a curse. Sauli had more energy, but he also wanted another day off with Adam.

Sauli was unaware of how dreamy he looked; leaning against the front desk, cheek pressed to his hand, staring at Adam working in the open curtain.

Adam had left earlier in the morning for an appointment woth his hairdresser, and Sauli fell hopelessly in love with the hazelnut brown shade that he couldn't take his eyes off.

It suited him so well.

"I'm actually wondering if you can eat someone with your eyes."

Sauli blinked, glancing behind him to see Caroline and Alisan giggling.

"Ha ha". Sauli mocked, straightening up, "How come you two are always in the wrong place at the wrong time?"

"You mean looking after you and making sure you don't disappear into the storage room with Adam?" Caroline arched an eyebrow.

Sauli snorted at the question. It's not like they're animals, even though it felt like it yesterday... Sauli probably pulled a muscle during that cowboy position.

Sauli smiled and subconsciously looked at the floor. He enjoyed every minute of last night.

Especially the spooning, the skin on skin contact...

"Oh my God, would you look at that face?" Caroline cooed at him.

"You shut your mouth." Sauli hissed, making both of the girls giggle.

Adam finished with his patient and approached the front desk with an easy smile on his face, and Sauli wondered if his heart will ever stop leaping every time he sees Adam.

You'd think with them being around each other all the time at home he would've gotten used to it.

But he hasn't. And in a way, he doesn't want to. He used to hate the way he felt around Adam, like he was exposed and vulnerable. But now that he knows how Adam feels about him, he gets this bubbly feeling inside of him that makes him feel like the happiest person on Earth.

"Hi," Adam said, generally to all of them, and put a file in the folder, then smoothly spun Sauli around and against his chest. Sauli made a surprised sound and held onto Adam's biceps,

"Well, hello to you too," He chuckled. He's not used to Adam being openly affectionate with him at the hospital.

"I like your hair," Sauli smiled.

"Thank you," Adam beamed, briefly pecking Sauli's lips. They shared equally affectionate smiles and pulled away.

"You guys are so cute," Alisan gushed, "I'm really happy for you. It was time for you to have something like this in your life," she said and gazed into Adam's eyes.

"I know," Adam said, his eyes a little glassy as he tightened his arm around Sauli.

"They're bringing in an unconcious teenager. Possible suicide attempt by drug overdose," Marie informed to them, "They'll be here approximately in 5 minutes."

"Sauli and I can take this one." Alisan said immediately, "I'm covering the ER anyway,"

"You can handle this?" Adam asked Sauli who just nodded.

"I have a pretty good idea what to do. And Alisan will be there too." Sauli said confidently. Adam gave him a smile and another kiss, then left for the Exam rooms.

He probably had a long line of patients waiting for him.

Sauli and Alisan, along with a bunch of nurses, got their gowns and gloves on, and waited for the ambulance at the entrance door. It took a few minutes until they arrived.

"Room mate said she's 19 years old, but doesn't know what she took or what really happened. The med cabinet was open and she found her on the floor next to it, so I guess that's a clear sign." The paramedic informed when they pushed the stretcher to the trauma 1, "HT 40, BP 70/40."

"Do you have any idea how long she was there?" Sauli asked the room mate over his shoulder.

The girl looked all kinds of panicked and she just barely managed to reply,

"I- I dunno. She- She was there when I came home and I called 911 right away."

"What's her name?" Alisan asked.

"Veronica! Veronica Greene."

"Janine, try to call her parents and let them know what happened." Alisan told Janine and she nodded, stepping aside to find a phone.

Once in the trauma, they lifted the pars on the other stretcher and got to work.

As Sauli was intubating the girl, Alisan turned to her room mate.

"What did she take?" She asked, making Sauli raise his eyes briefly.

"I dunno what she-"

"This is the moment where the truth can save someone's life because it buys us time, so you need to tell me the truth; What did she take?" Alisan pressured.

"It was a box from her parents' med cabinet" She said quietly, "Her father got them after a surgery."

"Can you remember the name of the drug?" Alisan asked, her voice louder than normal, but it seemed to be more effective than her usual calm

"I don't know, I...! It was something with an 'oxy'... I don't know!"

Sauli and Alisan exchanged a look immediately,

"It's an-"

"Opioid overdose." Sauli finished, "Quick! A gastric lavage right _now_! Caroline, take her out of the room."

Caroline did as she was told and gently guided the girl out of the Trauma.

The adrenaline was pumping, the need to save the patient was stronger than ever before. They were only in the middle of the process when the vitals suddenly crashed and the heart rate went to a VF.

"Shit!" Sauli hissed, "Crash cart!"

Sauli felt too shaky to get the defibrilliators and Alisan immediately noticed that. She quickly grabbed the pads and placed them on the patient's chest as Sauli moved to give CPR.

"Charging 150." Alisan said, "Clear!"

When the heart showed no signs of reaction, Alisan charged 200 and gave another shock. No result.

When charging 300 didn't give any result either, Sauli was feeling hopeless but didn't want to give up on CPR yet. But after 30 minutes and not even slightest signs of life, Alisan finally pressed a hand on top o his and made him stop.

"It's okay." She said, making Sauli glance up at her.

"Call it." She said.

Sauli sighed, tearing his gloves off and glancing at the clock,

"Time of death 11.30 a.m."

Sauli didn't want to say anything to anyone, he knew he should tell the room mate and the parents once they arrive but he didn't want to face any blaming fingers when he was already disappointed with himself.

He left the ER and went outside for fresh air.

"I thought I'd find you here." Came the familiar voice behind him. Sauli felt like crying just hearing Adam's voice, and he's never been happier for having Adam there with him.

Adam sighed as he sat down next to him on the bench.

"I don't think I will ever be a good doctor." Sauli mumbled.

"Why would you say that?"

"Just look at me. How many time have I run out-"

"Just stop it right there." Adam interrupted, "You don't know how many times I took things personally when I was in med school. And even during my residency."

Sauli blinked in surprise and looked up at Adam.

"But my skin got thicker with every patient that died and I just became disconnected, in a way, like I got rid of my feelings. I don't want you to be the same."

It would definitely make many things easier in a job like this.

"Just because you're more sensitive doesn't mean it's a bad thing." Adam pointed out gently, "You don't know how much patients and their close ones appreciate empathy during rough times. I'm not exactly good at that anymore. It's so much easier with kids, I wouldn't be a pediatrician if I couldn't lower myself to their level."

Sauli sighed, slumping back against the wall behind them. Everything Adam always says sounds so smart and makes sense but it still doesn't make him feel any better about a 19-year-old who died of opiod overdose in his hands.

"Don't underestimate yourself. You're better at consoling people than many others," Adam said, "And I have my own personal experience as live proof."

Sauli smiled a little at that.

"I still remember the first patient who died under my watch. He was only 17, in the beginning of his life." Adam told him and dropped his hand down to squeeze Sauli's knee, "But in my case, it was my fault; I made a wrong diagnosis. You didn't. It was an opiod overdose and you did everything you could. She was brought in too late and nothing you could've done would've made any difference."

Sauli nodded again, biting his lip as he felt the suspicious sting in his eyes.

He grabbed Adam's hand and hugged it to his chest,

"I love you."

"I love you more." Adam smiled , pulling his hand free and kissing Sauli on his temple, "The parents arrived a few minutes ago. If you can't tell them what went down, she'll do it. She was there too."

"No. I'll do it." Sauli said and got off the bench, "You up for a lunch break after I'm done?"

"Sure. I'll be in the lobby unless something comes up."

~*~

Sauli never wanted to be the one that delivered bad news, but at the end of the day, he was happy that he faced up to it.

He spotted Adam at the front desk when came out of Exam 2, and stealthily crept up behind him, reaching out to pinch his butt cheek. The squeak Adam let out was totally worth the risk of everyone seeing them.

"You seem to be in a better mood already," Adam giggled.

"Definitely." Sauli grinned and rose on his toes, "Are you busy?" He murmured to Adam's ear.

"You are unbelievable," Adam chuckled and glanced at his watch, then snuck a look at the lobby which was empty save for the two of them, "But no, not now"

They shared mischievous grins and casually left the lobby, sneaking out into the hallway to find an empty storage room, locking the door once they were inside.

"It's dark." Adam informed as if Sauli didn't know that.

"That's okay, I can still feel you." Sauli murmured and pressed himself up against Adam. He could just make out the outline of his body and the twinkle in his eyes.

Adam's lips found his in the dim room and Sauli's hands immediately clutched his waist. He pushed the white coat out of the way then sneaked his fingers underneath the fabric of Adam's shirt to feel the warm skin.

Adam spotted a small table in the corner of the room and carefully pushed Sauli towards it, trying not to hit any boxes or other stuff lying on the floor.

Sauli sat on the table top and spread his legs enough for Adam to fit and stand between them.

He ran his fingertips down Adam's back, gently scratching the skin with his nails then cupped his ass and pulled him closer. Adam sighed into the kiss, tangling his fingers in Sauli's hair.

Sauli could listen to Adam's blissed sighs and breath shifts forever. For such simple sounds, they were oddly hot and satisfying to hear.

Sauli brought his hand to Adam's front to lightly pet his crotch. He pressed a little firmer, immediately earning that hitch in Adam's breath.

He opened his mouth wider when Adam pushed his tongue between his lips, rubbing Adam's crotch a little harder.

Adam pulled away from the kiss with a wet pop and slid his mouth on Sauli's neck. Sauli sighed heavily when he sucked on the fragile skin, on a particulary sensitive spot.

The sound of a key turning in the lock caught them off guard and they quickly pulled away from each other, Sauli swiftly reaching for the light switch to flip it on.

When the door was pushed open, they pretended they were browsing the medicines.

"What are you guys doing here?" Came Caroline's familiar voice as she moved inside, carrying a box of syringes.

"Oh, just getting some potassium pills for a patient with low potassium levels," Sauli said and grabbed a random bottle.

"Yeah, because potassium loss is treated with a dose of laxatives," Caroline arched an expectant eyebrow.

"I think Sauli meant this one." Adam said and grabbed another bottle of pills.

Caroline's eyes were piercing as she eyed them both, focusing on their unmistakably red lips and the way Adam's shirt was tugged out of his pants.

"You guys are terrible liars" She decided, "Stop fooling around, they're bringing a severely injured kid in. Might be your case." She told Adam over her shoulder as she put the box of syringes on one of the shelves, then left.

Sauli let out the breath he was holding and put the bottle of pills back from where he grabbed it.

"Laxatives for low potassium levels." Adam chuckled.

Sauli scrunched up his nose and turned around to look at Adam, tweaking his tummy,

"Shut up, I didn't look which bottle I grabbed." Sauli defended and ran a hand through his hair to tame it.

Adam smiled when he closed his eyes and breathed deep through his nose,

"What's unsexy?" He pondered out loud.

"Me licking whipped cream off your belly button?" Sauli offered innocently. He grinned when Adam opened his eyes and gave him a look.

Adam shoved his hand in his pants and for a second Sauli was confused but then realized he must have given himself a pinch of some sort.

"I'm going to splash some cold water on my face." Adam stated drily then leaned in for a kiss, "I'll find you when I'm done in the trauma and then we can go home."

Sauli nodded before they split up.

The front desk was surprisingly empty, with only Marie, Terrance and Caroline hanging around there. Terrance's smile was enough to tell Sauli that Caroline hadn't managed to keep her mouth shut about what she saw in the storage room.

"Ah, Sauli. Dr. Harrison wants to see you." Marie informed and Sauli felt his heart jump up his throat.

"Why?" He asked nervously.

"I don't know. But she told me to tell you as soon as I see you. She's waiting in her room." Marie said with a kind smile which did nothing to calm Sauli's nerves.

He didn't waste any time though, he mad his way to the office right away. He knocked, stepped in and sat down on the chair before Dr. Harrison's desk.

"I have a few questions about Dr. Lambert." Dr. Harrison said the minute Sauli walked into her office and gestured for him to sit down.

Sauli gulped.

"I've come to notice a major change in the interaction between you; there's no tension and you could afford being in the same room without being at each other's throats." She explained.

"Your rotation is coming to an end and it's Dr. Lambert's job to give feedback about your time in here, but I want to make sure he calls out a fair judgement here."

"What are you saying?" Sauli asked.

"Do I have ti to be worried of him giving negative feedback just to give you a hard time?"

Sauli let out a breath in relief. He thought this was about something else.

"Oh, I doubt he'd do that. If he gives me a negative feedback, I'm sure it's all justified." Sauli said without any hesitation.

Dr. Harrison hummed, writing something on her memo,

"And as a teacher he has been...?"

"Amazing." Sauli blurted out almost too excitedly. He chuckled nervously, "I know we didn't start out well, but Dr. Lambert is incredible. He's one of the greatest doctors I know; He's just great, not only with kids but with every patient under his watch and he has nerves of steel. And I'm not even lying when I say he knows _everything_."

"I think that settles it then." Dr. Harrison murmured, writing something else on her memo before taking off her glasses.

"Settles what?" Sauli asked.

"I had a meeting today, and we discussed the possibility of Adam becoming an attending."

Sauli blinked,

"Is Adam going to be an attending pediatrician?"

"Now, I can't say anything before I talk to him." Dr. Harrison said with a hint of smile, "Thank you, Sauli, this was more important than you could imagine. You can go, now."

Sauli left the office with a silly smile on his face and returned to the desk where the others were.

"What's that smile?" Terrance asked.

"It's nothing." Sauli grinned, "I'm just very happy about someone and for someone."

"Ah," Terrance grinned and got back to gossiping with Caroline.

That night, Adam stopped by the store on their way home to buy a bottle of champange. It was enough for Sauli to know he had taken the offered spot as an attending physician.

Adam didn't say anything.

"What are we celebrating?" Sauli asked once they were home and Adam poured them both some champange.

Adam grinned,

"Meet the new pediatric attending."

"Oh my God, really?!" Sauli squaked, pretending to know nothing about anything.

"Caroline is right, you _are_ a terrible liar." Adam said suspiciously, "How did you know?"

"I just did." Sauli shrugged then pulled Adam into his arms, "You deserve it."

"Thank you." Adam whispered, tightening his arms around him before Sauli pulled away to peck him on the lips.

"I love you," He whispered.

"I love you, too." Adam whispered back, pressing their foreheads together, "Thank you for giving me a new direction in my life."

"Now, you did that all by yourself." Sauli pointed out, "I just inspired you to do it."

**EPILOGUE**

One year later...

When Sauli was sitting on his first lecture in med school, graduation felt so far away. Now he's standing on the stage, shaking hands with the professors as he received his certification, spotting Adam, Alisan and Caroline in the audience.

Terrance wanted to be there, too, but he needed to perform a surgery.

Sauli was sad his parents couldn't make it, but he was going to Finland in a few weeks to see them and show them he really made it.

Adam's proud smile was the last thing he saw before he returned to his own seat. Sauli concluded that E.R. wasn't really his cup of tea, but he found his spot in obstetrics and gynaecology.

When it came to his and Adam's relationship, things have been good so far. A few punches of jealousy has hit them both, but they overcame them with a simple talk. They were still living together, and it certainly had its own challenges, considering it was like they'd moved in the second they started dating.

But they both have their alone time.

In the evening, Sauli was heading out to party with his classmates.

" _Relax._ " Sauli said gently, Adam's face cupped between his palms, his thumbs stroking hus cheeks, "I'll take a cab home if that makes you feel better. If someone drinks even one beer, I won't get in their car. I'll be _fine._ I promise."

Adam nodded, letting out a heavy breath.

"I know. And this is all so stupid... It's just-"

"Shh," Sauli sushed immediately, pressing a finger to Adam's lips, "I understand why you're feeling delusional and afraid. But I'll be fine. You can go to sleep and when I come back home, I'lll crawl into your arms, okay?"

Adam nodded, still a little shakily, but pulling on a brave smile, and Sauli's heart broke a little for him that for a second he considered staying home instead, but he shook his head against the idea.

"Have fun, baby." Asam said, leaning down for a kiss goodbye and goodnight.

 

Sauli didn't want to over-do it. He was a little tipsy, but not overly drunk. The cab took him home around 2 a.m. and he wasn't surprised that Adam was still awake. He came out from the bedroom in his underwear the second he heard the door open.

Sauli didn't say anything, because he understood why Adam felt that way when it came to alcohol and driving, so he took off his shoes and jacket, tossed his keys aside and then pulled Adam into a hug.

Adam visibly relaxed against him, and Sauli squeezed him a little,

"Ready for bed now?"

"Yeah," Adam said, "Or maybe something else first, _doctor_?" he added with a little wink and tugged on Sauli's belt.

Sauli chuckled and obeyed, pushing Adam inside their bedroom.

Adam is Sauli's first, long time relationship, and the bliss of having someone's emotional support was incredible. All the cuddles in the evening, the cooking together, being lazy together and generally everything together was amazing.

And the sex.

God, the _sex_. Yeah, it was most definitely blooming.

"Could you call me doctor again?" Sauli asked.

Adam grinned,

"Oh my God, I was the same when I graduated." He said and wrapped his legs around Sauli's waist, "But of course, doctor. It's your day. Well, technically it was yesterday, but anyway. Anything you want."

"Everything I want is already mine." Sauli whispered and cupped Adam's face. He didn't care how cheesy he sounded; he was drunk and in love, and in bed with the man he loves.

He hoped this bliss would never fade away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter for now! Phew.   
> I may or I may not write a short sequel, mainly focused on Adam and Sauli's relationship and the possible obstacles of it, and how Sauli is enjoying his work as an OB/GYN.
> 
> But I need me some drama.

**Author's Note:**

> I have already written 7 out of 10 chapters so no worries of late updates, lol. 
> 
> I hope I can also write one shots for recent LA meetings but no promises, writing is not doing so well lately. Except for this fic, that is.


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